Rules of the Game
by Elizabeth Perry
Summary: Pairings: Addex and Addek. Addison is caught between her past and her future, who will she choose. The man who broke her heart or the one who helped her repair it?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Yea, so I'm back with another one... I just don't stop do I? Well, I really love Addek together and I'm really growing to like Addex together and I think I blame it on Kate Walsh (she's so great) My girl Crush...anyway, I wanted to write a story where Addison was caught between two guys, Alex and Derek. So this is kinda AU takes place lets say 2 months in the future, all you need to know for the story that Alex/Addison are a couple and Derek comes back into the picture and wants another chance with Addison. What would happen? Let me know your thoughts, I've already wrote 20 pages and I can't decide if I should make this a trilogy or a chapter by chapter story so I need advice from my loyal readers who spurn me to write more. I love this place!

Rating: R for Adult Situations, (may be changed to an 'M' based on subject matter later)  
Pairings: Addex and Addek. Addison is caught between her past and her future, who will she choose. The man who broke her heart or the one who helped her repair it?

* * *

The knock on her penthouse door at five in the morning had her scowling in anger as she jerked the strings to her robe around her waist, she had a full day at the hospital in a couple of hours so when she found a chance to steal a few hours of rest she had jumped at the chance and had disappeared from the hospital.

She opened the door and scowled when she was met with the face of her ex-husband, "Derek, what are you doing here?"

Derek leaned against the doorjamb and flashed her trademark smile and said, "Can I come in?"

Addison shook her head, "Five in the morning, I have a full schedule and you want to come in. No, go home to Meredith and leave me in peace."

Derek's smile dropped, "Meredith and I aren't together anymore."

Addison felt a flush of pleasure run through her body but told herself to calm her heart, "And this has what to do with me? We aren't married anymore and even though you seemed to greatly enjoy rubbing your relationship in my face, we aren't even friends so this visit to my door at five in the morning is unexpected and not gratuitous."

Derek flinched, "I'm sorry Addison I just want to talk."

Addison exhaled as she rolled her eyes and leaned back and allowed him entry to her apartment. She was grateful that she had told Alex that she didn't feel like him sleeping over tonight because she was sure that it wouldn't go over well that her ex-husband made visits to her door at all hours of the morning.

She closed the door and said, "Did you want something to drink or are you just here to talk about your latest fight with Meredith?"

She walked to the edge of the couch and rested her hands on the back of the cushion as she stared Derek in the face. He reached to put his hand on top of hers and she removed the hand, "Derek, what do you want? It's five in the morning."

Derek patted the cushion on her couch, "Come, sit let's talk."

Addison flinched and walked to the ottoman in front of the couch and crossed her arms in front of her in exasperation, "So talk."

Derek leaned against the couch, "Meredith and I aren't good together. I thought we had what it took to be a real relationship but there was something lacking."

Addison closed her eyes, "Derek, I really don't want to hear the sordid details of your romance, why don't you talk about this with Mark or something? I heard you guys were friends again or something."

Derek scowled, "Mark's an ass, ever since he and Izzie started dating he's been insupportable, he wouldn't even answer his cell…," Derek stopped mid sentence as he realized what he just admitted.

Addison groaned, "So you wake me up at five in the morning and I wasn't even your first choice? Right. This is just wonderful, listen Derek why don't you go back to Meredith's, I'm sure it was just a fluke your fight and that any day now you two will be back in love and making everybody ill."

Derek shook his head, "I don't think so, it's over and it's definite. It was the best for both of us, we were just making each other miserable because I couldn't be what she wanted and she wasn't what I wanted..."

Addison shrugged, "Well, that happens sometimes but I still don't see what this has to do with me."

Derek looked down as he twisted his hands in his lap as he decided whether to speak the next words out of his mouth, "Meredith was upset because I couldn't let go of you."

Addison stood up as she walked over to the kitchen and made herself a glass of juice and automatically made another one for him. She sipped from her glass and handed him his, "Was she drunk," Derek paused mid sip and stared at her in disbelief, "Come on Derek, you didn't have a problem letting go of me when you screwed her at the prom. You didn't have a problem when you couldn't give our marriage a real try because you were busy pining after her, I was never first in your life so for Meredith to say that you couldn't let go of me is a bit irrational."

Derek smirked, "It was actually the first honest thing she said to me in awhile. I had to take stock of what she was saying, it was kinda sad because I really sucked when I looked in the mirror. I was so angry that you came back and ruined my relationship or whatever it was with Meredith that when I said I would _try _at our marriage, I wasn't giving it my all," Addison snorted as he continued, "Okay, I wasn't even giving it half of my strength, I was obsessed with my lost chance with Meredith. Well, I finally got that chance."

Addison sipped as she rolled her eyes, "And was it everything it was cracked up to be? Was the passion that you didn't feel with me there? The jealousy that you saw when she spoke to another man or spoke to Mark, was any of that there?"

Derek met her eyes, "No, it wasn't I just missed you. It was rather sad, I held her at night and made love to her and tried to convince myself that this is what I wanted, what I always wanted but it wasn't. It couldn't be because, I missed you."

Addison scowled, "What are you talking about Derek? I'm Satan remember? I am the ruler of all that is evil and the adulterous bitch that you hate. I was the reason that your little 'romance' with Meredith wasn't realized sooner, I'm the reason for every bad thing in your life from your god awful haircut in the 80's to the bad coffee the hospital made last week, and now all of a sudden out of the blue because you had a fight," Addison paused in her discourse to sip juice and exhale softly, "You had a fight because you were acting like an ass but I still don't see what that has to do with me and don't give me that line about missing me because I don't buy it. You had me Derek, you had me for almost twelve years and you didn't want me remember. You couldn't even have good sex with me, all of these things did you suddenly forget?"

Derek exhaled as he leaned forward, "I started to remember, I remembered our first apartment that we got out of medical school. I remember christening every room in that apartment and even some of the sturdier tables and counters. I remembered holding your hand as I introduced you to my family who embraced you with open arms. I remembered cradling in bed with you as it rained outside and we did the crossword in bed. I remember our first Thanksgiving when you decided to cook a big dinner and invite my family even though you never cooked a dish a day in your life, I remember cradling you in my arms as I rushed out and went to the nearest Boston Market and bribed the manager to make a dinner for 20 people in under two hours. I remembered the bad times too, I remembered when you were so torn up about your patients that you would come to me for comfort and I told you I was too busy, I remembered when you lost your best friend from childhood to ovarian cancer and I made you go to the funeral alone. I remember it all and I feel like hell."

Addison was openly weeping now as she started to sob. Derek walked over to her and she shook her head and dragged the chair out of the kitchen in front of her, "No, you don't get to do this. Get out."

Derek looked pained as he tried to walk forward, "Addie," Addison flinched and shook her head, "I wanted you to come back to me for so long, this Derek. The one who remembered the twelve years of memories, the years of love and togetherness but he never came," Derek started forward but Addison stepped back, "All I got was the man who was so happy that he was free of the adulterous bitch that he didn't even have the decency to come tell me my marriage was over until after he saw Meredith first to put her on retainer. So no Derek, you don't get to come here and pretend everything's okay, with tears in my eyes I threw my wedding rings into the river because you were so happy to be rid of me so this little act of wanting me back is just that an act. Whatever your issue is with Meredith I'm sure you'll resolve it, now get out."

Derek tried to walk to her but she started to cry as she backed up against the wall, "Addie, I'm leaving but this isn't over. I'm sorry that I had to tell you like this but I just thought you should know. I wanted to talk to Mark about it first so he could tell me how to approach this but since he didn't pick up his phone," Addison choked on a sob with a muffled laugh, "You went to the guy I cheated on you with for advice on how to win me back, yea you're screwed up. Just go Derek, I'll pretend that this was a dream and we can go back to barely tolerating each other around the hospital. Just go."

Derek nodded, but paused at the door, "I'm not giving up Addi I'm just breathing. I'm giving you your space but it won't be for too long."

Addison heard the door close but was too wrapped up in sobs to pay any attention.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Hours Later

Addison was working slowly through her day with the conversation with her ex-husband lingering in her brain. After going through a pint of ice cream she had tried to chalk up the conversation to a mirage. She was obviously working too many hours and needed a vacation, a vacation by herself to regroup and remember who she was. So after her last surgery she planned to ask Richard for the time off.

She searched through her next patient records to see if there was anything that she found that would be an impediment to her surgery when she heard a voice clear their throat from behind her, she spun around and met the face of Alex Karev.

She felt a smile come to her lips at the thought of her new friend and lover, they had come together in a flurry of passion and even though it seemed like they wouldn't work out she had been happy with him. Alex leaned forward, "Dr. Montgomery, can I see you for a moment?"

Addison felt a rush of pleasure and nodded as she turned to the nurse and said, "I'll be back in to check on Mrs. Edington shortly."

She followed Alex into the supply closet which had once housed her crying and felt the door close behind her as she was shoved against the door and her lips were fused with that of Alex's.

Alex groaned as he pulled away, "I missed you last night."

Addison smiled and leaned forward and brushed her mouth with his, "I missed you too. It would have been a much better night, if you had been in bed with me."

Alex pulled back and looked at her in confusion, "Why? Did something happen?"

Addison nodded but said, "I don't want to talk about that now, I have five minutes in the closet and I know you are more of a twenty minute man but what do you say?"

Alex rolled his eyes at her jest while reaching for the bottom of her scrub top; he stopped short when his pager went off. Addison scowled, as she pulled the pager from his waist, "Why does Mark have to always been in the middle of our sex lives?"

Alex chuckled as he pulled her to him for another kiss and said, "It doesn't matter babe, we'll finish this later. How about I meet you for lunch? I heard about one of your operations today and I'm curious about how it went."

Addison nodded as she reached for another kiss; she needed this, a man who was not only interested in her sexually but also professionally and emotionally. She was slowly finding everything she needed in Alex Karev and even if Derek wanted to come mess with her mind she wasn't going to let him, she was going to move on whether he liked it or not.

She waited five minutes after Alex exited to get her raging hormones back under control and then focused on the surgery ahead of her and the rest of her day.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"So that's how you did that…I wanted to see that surgery but Sloan had me picking up his dry cleaning he had a date with Izzie and wanted to make sure that I got his good suit jacket out of the cleaners."

Addison rolled her eyes, "So he's serious about his relationship with Izzie then?" Alex nodded and Addison looked at him, "Are you okay with that?"

Alex leaned back and smiled, "Why? You asked that question when we first got together and I thought I sufficiently demonstrated that I wasn't pining away for Izzie but now you are asking it again why?"

Addison shrugged as she poked through her chicken salad in boredom, "No reason with everything else up in the air in my life, I guess I needed some consistency."

Alex stilled her hand, "What's up in the air Addison? I thought everything was going good between us and," Addison touched him softly and cut him off, "It's not you or me, I just had a really long day and I would really like to be home in bed but I'm stuck here and I'm taking my bad mood out on you and it's not fair."

Alex smiled softly, "What's not fair is you not letting me in. What's wrong, why the long face? Why do I get the feeling that you are hiding something from me?"

Addison opened her mouth and said, "Last night I had a…." Addison was cut off by the sound of her pager ringing she looked down and cursed to herself as she showed him the number, "That's the surgery I did from this morning. I got to go."

Alex nodded, "I'll see you after work right?"

Addison smiled as she walked past him and touched him on the shoulder, "I would love that."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Addison exhaled in relief as she exited her patient's room. Her vital signs had taken a sudden turn for the worse and Addison had been fearful that she was going to have to operate again when she noticed that her nurse had left off her allergies and after verifying that her patient was having an allergic reaction to the antibiotics she switched the meds and then had admonished the nurse who was apologetic.

She walked to the nurses' desk as she noticed the bouquet of red roses on the desk. She smiled as she leaned forward and reached for the card. Alex was a sweetheart; he had obviously noticed her bad mood at lunch and had decided to gift her with her favorite flowers. She had been a little concerned when early into her relationship Alex had decided to learn all of the things that she liked and disliked and had been observant to avoid everything she disliked and give her gifts of what she liked spontaneously. She opened the card and the smile as well as her good mood fell as she read the card

_It wasn't a dream, I want you back._

_Love, _

_Derek_

Addison crumpled the card in her hand as she swore to herself; she thought he would get the picture after she kicked him out. She picked up the vase of flowers and marched over to the elevators and pressed the up button. This had to end and now.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Note: You may not like Derek in the beginning but I'm trying to make him repentant for his mistakes and I hope it comes through. 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews, and I'm happy to see people are as torn as I am with Addek and Addex. I love both  
possibilites and really my end-game is just Addison happy so I hope you stay with me as I try to flesh out this story. As  
always, thoughts and replies are craved and loved :)

* * *

Addison stopped short as she saw Derek was talking with one of his patients. She stood outside the door and waited patiently stealing only snatches of conversation, surgery, tumor and recovery. 

Derek exited the room and at seeing her graced her with a smile, he leaned down and kissed her on the lips before she had a chance to protest. He walked to the counter and said, "So you got the flowers?"

Addison stood up and walked over to him in disbelief, "Derek, you do know that I can't accept these flowers right?"

Derek ignored her for a moment as he continued writing down notes on his patient's chart and then turned around and looked at her bemused, "Why can't you accept flowers from a colleague?"

Addison scowled, "What game are you playing? You aren't my friend, you aren't my husband and I'm seriously having doubts about you being my colleague, I can't accept these flowers please give them to Meredith or something."

She tried to shove the vase in his hands but was met with his crossed arms and a raised eyebrow, "Addison, what would it hurt to take these flowers? Just think of them as a gift."

Addison sighed, "You don't get it do you, I had to put all of my unresolved feelings for you in a secret place in my heart because you didn't love me anymore. You can't start with the pretty words and the gifts and expect me to be able to forget everything we went through."

Derek felt his smile falter, as his voice lowered, " Addison, I hurt you. I get that and I get that it won't be easy but I'm determined to give us that second chance that we didn't get to have before."

Addison felt the tears brim at her eyelids, "And I'm determined to move on my life without you. I don't know if the gossip mill got to you yet or not but I'm in a relationship."

Derek rolled his eyes as he turned back to the counter and handed the chart to a nurse and then started walking. Addison cleared her throat, "Did you hear what I said? I'm in a relationship and I can't have my ex-husband giving me flowers when I'm…."

Derek turned around and pulled her into an empty room and locked the door behind him. He leaned against the door with one arm propped against the edge and Addison breathing heavily against the doorjamb, "Derek, what are you doing?"

Derek leaned closer to her and rubbed his nose against the side of her face, "I'm just checking."

Addison closed her eyes as she felt the wave of desire rush through her, and she tried to speak with a normal voice, "Checking what?"

Derek pulled her to him as he latched his mouth on hers and kissed her breathless and then pulled away. "I was just checking how serious you were about your relationship to Karev. If you still tremble at my kisses, then that means I might have a chance."

Addison felt the rage build up in her chest as she reached out to slap him when he caught her hand mid-slap before it made contact with his cheek, "Now Addison you know that I know you better than anyone and when you get mad you get horny and as much as I would love to take you against this door, I have surgery in twenty minutes so what say we pick this up later?"

Addison felt the angry tear fall down her cheek and damned Derek to the depths of hell for still having the power to affect her like this, "You bastard, I don't know what's gotten into you but I'm not going to put up with it. Take your flowers, take your pretty words and leave me the hell alone. I want you out of my life, I'm finally moving on with a guy who wants _me_, he wants me, all of me and no substitutes and I'm not about to lose it to go chasing after an ex-husband who has suddenly decided that he wants me back. Leave me alone Derek."

Derek smiled and sat on the edge of the hospital bed, "Addison, I can't do that. I did it once before and when I had to try to lead a life without you I was worthless; I found I don't like myself without you."

Addison scowled, "Then maybe you should've thought of that before, before you started this process. I told you that I still loved you and you didn't give me any signs that you still loved me and now that I'm moving on, you are still in love with me? It's too late Derek."

Addison turned to the door and was unlocking it when Derek spoke up from behind her, "It's never too late to correct an error. I didn't try before Addison, I didn't try to woo you back to me or even make up for my own guilt in the problems in my marriage, I indulged in my fantasy world with Meredith and when it was all I was left with it left me empty."

Addison opened the door and said, "Imagine how I felt all these months without you by my side and now you know what you left when you walked away."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Addison sat with her laptop in her lap furiously searching the hot spots for vacations. Derek Shepherd had obviously lost his mind and she needed some time away before she found herself in jail on murder charges. She had been so fulfilled with her relationship with Alex until Derek had to go and kiss her. He put his lips on hers and all those emotions, those feelings came rushing back and she was left again with her heart like an open wound.

The door opened and Miranda Bailey stuck her head in with Callie on the other side, "Are you busy?"

Addison pulled her glasses off and shook her head as her face lit up at the sight of her two girlfriends who had become more like her sister's in her short time in Seattle.

She exhaled softly as they sat down smiling at her in anticipation. Addison looked at them in disbelief, "What? Why are you grinning?"

Miranda leaned forward, "Tell us about the flowers, we saw them come and assumed they are from Alex but we wanted to know what the card said."

Addison shook her head, "Unfortunately the flowers weren't from Alex."

Miranda leaned back and Callie looked at her in confusion, "If they weren't from Alex? Then who sent the flowers?"

Addison leaned against the chair and said, "Derek."

Miranda snorted in disbelief, "McDreamy?"

Addison nodded, "I think he's been sniffing the anesthesia because he's acting like the Derek Shepherd I dated all those years ago and I don't know who he is anymore."

Callie chuckled, "What about McSlutty?" Callie had dubbed Meredith, McSlutty shortly after becoming a friend of the three and even though Miranda didn't approve of the name, Addison was secretly tickled by the name.

Addison shrugged, "That's the weird part he swears that he and Meredith are over."

Miranda stood up and exhaled softly, "So where does that leave you? What do you want out of this relationship with Alex?"

Addison closed her eyes, "I was looking for someone to share my life with, well to be honest when I met Alex I wanted someone to share my bed with but even Alex has surprised me. He's turned into a good partner and I don't want to lose him."

Callie shrugged, "Then don't. Forget Shepherd, he's just trying to mess with your mind and as if he hasn't done enough already, you and Alex are doing well together. Just ignore Derek, he'll go away eventually."

Addison turned to Miranda for advice; she had also been her friend through her marriage to Derek. She had been there longer and had watched her fight single-handedly to preserve what she considered to be worthwhile only to have her sacrifices shoved back in her face, "Addison, I want you happy. I don't care if it's with Alex who's 10 years your junior or your ex-husband who you spent the majority of your life with, the end result has to be you happy and you have to decide who you want that to be with."

Addison nodded as she looked down, "I guess I have a decision to make huh?"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Addison, you ready?"

Addison nodded and reached for her purse as she walked to the elevator with Alex's hand trained in the middle of her back, "Alex, when we get back to my penthouse we need to talk."

Alex flinched, "Okay, but I don't like the sound of this."

Addison smiled as she pushed the down button on the elevator and turned to him with a smile, "Don't worry, I'm not about to give you it's the not you it's me speech."

Alex grinned, "That's good then because I didn't want to burst your bubble or anything, but I invented that speech so there's nothing new that you can say that I haven't heard."

Addison giggled as the doors slid open and then her smile fell from her face, "Derek." Alex nodded once as he allowed her to enter the elevator first and then the doors shut.

Addison tried to pretend that Derek wasn't behind her which was hard to do considering she could feel his eyes boring into the back of her head.

Derek cleared his throat, "What did you do with the flowers Addison?"

Alex looked at her with a scowl on his face, "Flowers?"

Addison smiled at him and turned to Derek, "My patients loved them they thought that Seattle Grace was one of the best hospitals if they gave out red roses to all the new mothers."

Alex grinned from beside her and Derek said, "Well, I guess that worked out for everyone involved."

Derek turned to Addison, "So are we going out tonight?"

Addison pressed the Stop button on the elevator and turned to him, "That does it Shepherd. What the hell has gotten into you? Why are you trying to be all lovey-dovey all of a sudden? You know that we are divorced, you know that I'm trying to move on,"

Alex put a calming hand on her shoulder, "Addie, don't let him get to you."

Derek smirked and said, "Yea Addie, if you didn't feel anything for me than this would be easy. You could just ignore me but from your tone I can sense that I do bother you and that's the best gift of all knowing I can still get to you."

Addison exhaled softly and pressed the start button as she leaned against the wall and Derek turned to Alex, "Karev, you're a good kid so I'm giving you a warning. I'm fighting for Addison, I want her back and I'm not giving her up this time."

Alex pulled the emotionally exhausted Addison into his arms as the doors slid open and he shot back over his shoulder, "Then I say game on because I'm not giving her up either."

* * *

Review please... :) 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Yea I kinda downed Derek in the last chapter, (must be my inner Addek still upset at him or something) but in this  
chapter, hopefully I sorta explain his attitude and we kinda move to the chunk of the story... I had said there would be humor  
and it will come but not as funny as I once thought, I guess I'm just better at drama/angst. Also, try not to get too mad at Addison,  
I try to make her confused because that's what I think she would be anyway.

Also, I hint to a Mark/Izzie pairing in this story but since my main focus is on Addison, don't look for them to play a major role as  
a 'couple' since I like the Alex/Izzie friendship and the Derek/Mark friendship.

You'll also see through the upcoming chapters focus on Addek then Addex and vice versa...I'm trying to see who flows better even  
though my polls show that Addex readers want them together but I'm must admit I'm still kinda partial to Addek (first love and all).

Thoughts please!

* * *

**Jake's**

"What the hell did you do?"

Derek looked up at his sometime friend who was scowling at him and he motioned to the seat in front of him as he gulped his drink down whole and then gagged as the fire burned down his throat.

"Nice to see you too Mark, so why are you upset?"

Mark crossed his arms as he leaned back in the chair, "I'm upset? I'm pissed; I was having a perfectly good date with Izzie when she gets a call from Alex ranting about how you are trying to win Addison back. Didn't I tell you that we would talk about a game plan? Why did you run ahead and go to her home last night?"

Derek smirked, "I called and you didn't pick up. I wanted to see her, she had been avoiding me at the hospital and whether it was intentional or not, I was letting too much time pass. She needed to know that I was serious about my feelings for her and my decision to win her back was a permanent one and I think I may have done more harm than good. Besides, you were the one who told me to be aggressive and tell Addison exactly what I want but it may turn out to have been the wrong approach."

Mark rolled his eyes as he signaled to Joe for a drink, "No sh!t Sherlock. And since when do you listen to anything I say? If you had you wouldn't be in this predicament now, look you didn't tire of rubbing it into Addison that you fell in love with Meredith and when she finally moves on," Mark paused to gulp his drink down and scowl, "albeit with my intern you decide she's the one for you. You set the rules of this game, she's just following."

Derek scowled, "Well, I'm calling a time-out. I need to rethink my strategy because I thought the cocky attitude would score me a touchdown but I'm getting a taste of my own medicine. She's leaning on Karev for everything and isn't giving an inch."

Mark groaned and said, "Enough with the football overtones, she wants to be alone. She wants to be with Karev and as much as I don't think he deserves her, what can you do? You set this into motion Shepherd, now live with the consequences. I told you that this wasn't going to be easy."

Derek closed his eyes, "You are supposed to be helping me."

Mark crossed his arms, "I slept with your wife and you are asking for my help in winning her back don't you think that's a little twisted?"

Derek chuckled, "Of course it's twisted but you know the three of us have never been normal, you remember that time we got kicked out of the theatre and you told the usher that we were having a threesome."

Mark groaned as he leaned forward, "Don't remind me, I thought Addison would be embarrassed and would hit me but she propositioned the usher and you pretended to be bi, god we did have some fun times Derek. What happened?"

Derek shrugged, "Life got in the way and our priorities got screwed up somewhere along the way. I ran to Seattle and decided to act like a spoiled teenager and now my wife is following in my footsteps, I only hope it's not too late for us."

Mark snorted, "Ex-wife you mean. Ex-wife Derek and I don't know if what happened between you and Meredith will happen between Addison and Alex. Alex seems serious about his relationship with her and he doesn't want to lose her. He cares about her."

Derek motioned for another drink, "Why do you think I'm sitting here drinking? I know I have a tough fight ahead of me but I'm determined not to lose, not when the stakes are too high. I'm fighting for my future here, my future with Addison and it's the only one that counts, I'm betting all of my money on us."

Mark finished off his drink and signaled for another one, "So what we go from football to poker?"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Alex turned off all the lights in the house as he tidied up and remembered Derek's parting words about fighting for Addison. He couldn't fool himself into believing that they would magically be okay. They had both started this relationship off as a way to forget about their own failed relationships and it had surprisingly for both of them turned into something else. It had turned into a genuine friendship; a friendship that included them making love regularly and now that he was finally getting comfortable with his relationship. Derek Shepherd, the ex decides that he wants her back.

He also knew what the hard part about it was, Addison still loved him. She had been honest about her unresolved feelings for her ex-husband when they begun their relationship but over time and seeing Meredith and Derek together she had slowly started to let him go and now he was back moving all of those memories again.

As he walked back into the bedroom, he saw her curled up in the middle of her bed with an afghan draped around her legs. He pulled it up around her shoulders as he crawled into bed behind her and positioned himself behind her. He exhaled softly on her cheek, "Why aren't you asleep yet Addison?"

Addison blew out an exasperated breath as she turned over and met his face with a grimace, "Why now Alex? Why after all this time does he come back and try to move when I was finally healing? I don't want him to fight for me; I don't want him around me at all."

Alex stroked her face softly, "He wouldn't fight for you if he didn't believe that there was still a chance. Is there still a chance for him Addison?"

Addison closed her eyes as she exhaled a sigh, "He's someone I spent the majority of my life with and I don't think you can forget about that so easy."

Alex pulled her into his arms as he cradled her body against his chest and laid on top of her head, "He didn't have a problem with forgetting about your past when he fell into bed with Meredith."

Addison started nervously playing with the bottom edge of his shirt, "I guess your right."

Alex cleared his throat, "You didn't answer my question though does he still have a chance? Do you still love him?"

Addison looked up at him and the vulnerability in his eyes and knew she couldn't lie to him, "I'm trying Alex. I'm sorry I can't give you a more definitive answer than that, but I'm trying. I guess it's different for a woman but I can't just forget 11 years of memories even if he can."

Alex stroked her face softly and leaned down and kissed her softly on the mouth, "Thank you for being honest with me Addison. I know it wasn't exactly easy."

Addison sighed and laid back down on his chest, "Does this change things between us? Are you going to leave me now?"

Alex squeezed her shoulders and said, "Go to sleep Addison, I'm not going anywhere. I'm not Derek Shepherd, I won't hurt you the way he did and even if I have to stay and fight McDreamy for you, then that's what I'm willing to do because I want you in my life."

Addison felt the tears start to fall from her cheeks as she looked up at him with a smile and kissed his lips softly, "Thank you Alex. Thank you."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&  
**  
Next Morning**

Addison felt refreshed after her talk with Alex of last night and wasn't as fearful as she had once been of Derek. He was her ex-husband because he decided it that way and so she needed to be able to move on with her heart intact, away from him.

The person she was trying to get out of her mind appeared at her side and shoved a yellow rose in her hand and said, "Friends?"

Addison stopped in the hall and stared at him in disbelief, "What did you eat from the cafeteria last week? Yesterday, you bombard me with the news that you want me back and that you are going to fight for me and then proceed to rub this same information into my boyfriend. Today you come to me with a yellow rose signifying friendship so what is Derek? Friends or lovers? Enemies or allies?"

Derek pressed the stem into her hand, "That's ultimately for you to decide Addie, I'm just setting the stage. I had a long time to reflect over my errors and they were some whoppers. I think I went wrong when I stopped letting you be my best friend, the one I told everything to, so if I'm going to win you back, I have to start there. Friends?"

Addison scowled as she stuck out her hand in disgust, "Friends Shepherd. But this doesn't mean anything."

Derek clasped her hand in his and allowed the warmth of his hand travel to hers and he knew that she wasn't completely immune to his touch which both thrilled and frightened him. He was thrilled that he still had the power to make her want him but he was upset because he didn't know if he could hold the brakes off on what he was feeling for her.

Addison jerked her hand out of his hesitant to admit to the feelings that he still had the power to provoke in him, "So what do we do as friends now? Do you want to talk about the weird mushrooms you obviously ate last week that have you acting out of character or what?"

Derek put a hand on her shoulder, "Well you can start by letting me walk you to the staff meeting what do you say?"

Addison shrugged; he couldn't do too much damage walking her to the staff meeting could he?

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Alex, I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you but I was trying to console Sloan. He's a baby when he doesn't get his way."

Alex raised an eyebrow at this but shrugged as he leaned against the counter, " Addison tells me that she still has feelings for him but that she doesn't want to lose what we have. I know that Derek will stop at nothing because he told me so and I don't want to lose her because this feels like the first grown up relationship I've been in."

Izzie nodded as she sipped on her juice and said, "So don't then. Fight for her dirty, just like Shepherd plans to do to you."

Alex exhaled sharply, "I'm an action guy, you know that Izzie better than anyone. I don't fight for women I sleep with them. Derek will win me on that one, hell he's already won if there is even a race to be had."

Izzie shook her head, "That's not true if you really want her then I'll help you fight for her."

Alex crossed his arms and stared at her in disbelief, "And Sloan? I know that he and Shepherd are friends again and I think he's helping Derek woo back Addison."

Izzie smirked as she trashed her juice, "Look no one even says woo anymore. Don't worry; I'll help you win Addison."

Alex smiled gratefully as they started rushing towards the elevators before they were late for their meeting with Bailey, as he pushed the down button he stopped and turned to her, "And Meredith? She won't be upset that you are trying to help me with this?"

Izzie shrugged, "She's been pretty quiet since her breakup with Shepherd but it's not like before. She's not walking around like the living dead, she's just sedate. I think she finally realizes that it wouldn't have worked out and she's fine with it."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

As they entered into the meeting Addison had immediately started scanning through the crowd to garner seats next to her girlfriends when she noticed that she was being followed. Derek was trying to figure out where she was sitting so he could sit next to her. She exhaled through her teeth slowly and told herself to let it go. It meant nothing. He probably was still not too friendly with Mark Sloan and since Preston wasn't top on his list of best friends then he felt more comfortable trailing after her.

She smiled as she spotted Callie and Miranda next to the window guarding one seat next to them jealously. One seat for her away from him which exactly what she needed at this moment. She sat down and then turned to Derek with an unapologetic smirk, "I guess you'll have to find somewhere else to sit."

Derek shrugged as he thought of an idea. He waited patiently for Richard to enter the room and about to start the meeting when he put his idea into action. He pulled her up and into his lap as he took the chair before she had a chance to protest as Richard cleared his throat, "Can I have everyone's attention? This is going to be a long meeting so I need all of your attention focused on our agenda. Dr. Montgomery if you are having trouble finding a chair, I'm sure that someone would be kind enough to allow you one."

Addison glared at Richard who only looked back at her with a smirk as she struggled to get up and do just that, she was held captive in Derek's arms. She stared at him in anger and disbelief but he refused to meet her glare instead shooting a cheeky smile to the chief, "We are friends Richard, its okay."

Richard raised an eyebrow at that but said, "Moving right along with our agenda. Like, I was saying before we have a full agenda so let's try to stay on schedule…"

* * *

Thoughts please:) 


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Didn't like Derek's move last chapter? I actually enjoyed it... (sorry Addex lovers) but don't count out Alex  
yet, I think you'll like him in this chapter...I know I did...

PS: All of my Addek fans came out in drones to declare they wanted Addek and my Addex lovers were pretty  
quiet...I just want to know your thoughts:)

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&  
"So you think I need to lay off the sex with Addison?" Alex looked like he would cry but Izzie just grinned and nodded, "If you want to prove that the relationship between you and Addison is more than just sex then you need to be prepared to play dirty and that means holding off until you are sure that she is really committed to just you and that can help prove your case with her without speaking."

Alex banged his head against the supply closet in disbelief, "But Izzie that's the best part of our relationship. Even when we were having problems talking or just communicating, I always would pull her into my arms and every thing else…,"

Izzie cleared her throat to interrupt, "I really don't need to hear the details of your sex life with Satan please."

Alex scowled, "She's not really Satan and I wish you wouldn't call her that anymore."

Izzie smiled, "Okay no more Satan, it's kinda grown old seeing as how she's been nothing but nice to me."

Alex smirked, "On second thought Satan might be a good nickname for her, she's a devil in," Izzie grimaced, "Okay TMI Alex, TMI. I get it, she's good god but did you need to fill my head with those images? Look, I'm serious about this though Alex you have to show her that you're serious about making this relationship work."

Alex exhaled softly, "Okay no sex, what else? I mean what is Shepherd going to be doing while I'm holding off of the sex with Addison? Is he going to be holding back sex too?"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Hate. I hate you. I hate you with a passion that knows no bounds Shepherd. Forty-five minutes strapped in your lap with no way out and Richard smirking at me the whole time not to mention how Sloan was looking at me. I thought you wanted to be friends, friends don't do that. Friend's don't do that."

Derek fought to hide the smirk that was threatening to erupt from his face. He knew that it wouldn't have affected her as much if she was completely immune to his efforts although she had given him a taste of his own medicine as moments during the meeting, especially when he was called on to speak she would wiggle suggestively against his lap but he had met that back with proof that he still wanted her.

"Addison, what's the problem? You and I are friends, what's wrong with sharing a chair?"

Callie and Miranda were following behind them bemused at their interaction and Addison turned to her girlfriends in disbelief, "Do you believe this man? I mean really Miranda, now you know how completely inappropriate that was."

Miranda nodded and said, "It was completely inappropriate but don't lie girl. You know you enjoyed every minute of it."

Derek, Callie and Miranda had the pleasure of watching a blush suffuse her face as she started stalking down the hall in rage, "Have all of my friends lost their ever loving minds? I hate all of you now."

Derek turned to Miranda with a smile, "Thanks I needed someone to back me up."

Miranda smile fell from her face as she stared him down, "Don't be fooled, I still think you're an idiot and she's better off trying a relationship with Karev but I still like to see her get flustered every once in awhile. She needs it but you don't deserve her back and I've already voiced my opinion on the matter."

Derek scowled as Callie and Miranda walked off and he turned back to the elevators. Great, just great two more people against him is exactly what he didn't need.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Addison Montgomery was horny and she hated being horny and at work. It was one of the worst predicament she found herself in when she and Derek had been first married and working under Richard. When she had this predicament she would always find an empty on-call room and sex Derek until they were both too exhausted to answer their pagers.

She wasn't talking to her ex-husband at the moment and was currently in a relationship with Alex Karev. And Alex was currently in a surgery that ended in five minutes. She didn't know if she could wait that long, she didn't if she could wait five seconds. Sitting on Derek's lap, feeling him so close to where he used to be was not something she needed a reminder of and not at 10 in the morning with no end to her day in sight.

A voice cleared their throat from behind her and she spun around in question, "Alex?"

Alex smiled at the object of his thoughts as she looked at him with a familiar glare in her eye and Alex felt his resolve weaken but he tried to focus on Izzie's voice in his head about abstinence. "Dr. Karev please meet me in the supply closet in ten minutes," Addison leaned forward as she sensuously rubbed her chest against his, "and don't keep me waiting."

Alex swore as he watched her walk away her hips swaying invitingly. He reached for the phone and paged Izzie '911'.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Mark smirked at his one time best friend from across the counter, "Nice move in the meeting. It looked like something, I would do. Maybe I'm finally rubbing off on you."

Derek rolled his eyes, "Don't press your luck, I was just testing out the waters because, I was successful in getting Addison the first time I just have to believe that I'll be successful this time."

Mark scowled at his cockiness and said "Well did you stop to think of something?"

Derek closed his chart and placed his pen back in his pocket and, "Think of what? I told her this morning that I wanted to start off as friends but I wanted her to remember that I'm still there for her as a lover, I think I have my bases pretty much covered."

Mark fell in step with him and chuckled, "You were always so cocky; it was one of your downfalls. Derek, did you ever stop to think that if you got Addison all hot and bothered, that you've just sent her running directly into Alex's arms? The one place that you don't want her to be."

Derek stopped mid step as he realized his mistake and turned to Mark with a growl and said "I gotta go."

Mark started laughing as he watched his friend run down the hall, and he had to admit, that part of him hoped that he wasn't too late.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Addison checked her watch and groaned, Alex was two minutes late and usually he was never late. He just hoped that Mark hadn't sent him on some godforsaken errand.

The door opened and she smiled in relief as Alex closed the door and turned to her. She had never considered herself to be a sexual aggressor but desperate times….call for taking the lead. She pulled him into her arms and latched her mouth onto his and shoved her tongue down his throat as she struggled for intimacy.

Alex wasn't too far behind as he pushed her against the door and started reaching for her lab coat to remove it when Addison moaned from beneath him as she reached for his scrubs bottoms.

Alex stilled her hands as he gulped in a deep breath and stepped back. Addison looked at him in confusion, "Come on Alex, I only have a few minutes left before I have to be in surgery…"

Alex swore as he looked at her kiss swollen lips and felt rage at Derek Shepherd for interrupting what was arguably the best partner he had ever had. He leaned against the opposite wall and said "Addison, what's going on? Why the aggression all of a sudden?"

Addison closed her eyes as she jerked back on her lab coat, "I just wanted to be close to you but as I see that you are in your Dr. Phil mode, I'll leave you alone." She reached for the handle on the door to open when Alex cleared his throat from behind her, "Addison, please it's the least I deserve. You know better than anyone, that I have never turned down your sexual advances before but I also have never been jumped like this before. What's going on?"

Addison turned around and looked at him sitting across from her and felt the shame rush through her, "Alex, I'm sorry. I think I need to go home, I'm hurting you and Derek is…."

Alex got up and pulled her back into his arms as he cut off her words with the pressure of his mouth. He kissed her breathless and then pulled back, "Addison, don't say Derek's name while you have me in the supply closet."

Addison nodded as she laid her head down on his beating heart, "I'm sorry Alex. What do you say I make you dinner tonight to make up for trying to assault you in the supply closet?"

Alex pulled back as he looked into her vulnerable eyes and couldn't help himself he drew her back into his arms for one more kiss. One more kiss, he promised himself.

Just one more.

He was still saying one more when he straightened his scrub top and walked out of the supply closet a happy man.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Izzie groaned as she saw Alex coming towards with a guilty look on her face, "Really? I thought you were going to be able to last longer than 2 hours. What did she have to say in the supply closet that had you give up the abstinence pact so shortly after you made it?"

Alex flinched, "Izzie, I tried. I walked into the supply closet determined to be there for her emotionally and not sexually but then she did the thing with her tongue and….,"

Izzie stuck out her tongue at him in disgust, "Please enough with the details. So needless to say you didn't hold off on sex."

Alex shrugged, "We are going to talk tonight. I'm going to mention the abstinence and see what happens. I don't know what happened with Shepherd but she was certainly amorous in the closet."

Derek scowled as he came up behind him and said "Have you seen Addison?"

Alex smirked at his rival as he felt the ring of his page, "I think I saw her on the floor somewhere, you can check the supply closet. Oh and thanks, Shepherd. I owe you one."

Izzie chuckled as she hurried down the hall hesitant to provoke Derek's anger as she scurried away.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Addison exhaled slowly as she sat down at the lunch table, a chicken salad in front of her and a fruit bowl she had got from the cafeteria. She didn't know if she was going to make it through the rest of the day in between Alex and Derek.

Alex was a sweetheart and she didn't want to hurt him, which is why she was determined to make up for almost attacking him in the closet by fixing him a nice dinner. Maybe, they would even have time to test out the new Jacuzzi tub in her bathroom.

Derek Shepherd was another story altogether, he was her ex-husband who had suddenly decided he didn't want to be ex anymore. A couple of months ago, her heart would've leapt out of her chest to be first in his life again but now it didn't hold the same desire. She would always, _always_ love Derek Shepherd for everything they had been to each other but she couldn't trust him which was the sad part. She didn't know how long his obsession with her would last but she hoped it would be over soon.

Her thoughts were jolted as Derek pulled out the chair across from her and slumped into the chair and looked at her with a grimace, "It backfired on me didn't it?"

Addison looked at him confusion, knowing what he meant but refused to give him the benefit of telling it to him, "What do you mean friend? What backfired on you?"

Derek waved his hand in front of her, "You had sex I can see the look in your eyes."

Addison scowled, "That's none of your business. We are supposed to be friends in case you forgot our conversation of this morning so it doesn't matter who or what I do."

Derek leaned forward, "You always walked around with that smile after we would have sex in one of the on-call rooms."

He slumped back and said "I'm not going to win this battle am I?"

Addison exhaled softly, "What battle Derek? There is no battle, we got divorced and apparently last week you ate some poisonous mushrooms that went to your head and has you believing that you want me back. I'm just waiting for the effects of the drug to wear off for you to go back to ignoring me."

She stood up and Derek held her wrist in her hand and looked at her with pleading eyes, "Please Addi, sit."

Addison sighed and sat down, "What Derek? What."

Derek cleared his throat, "I'm serious, I want to win you back but I'm not going to be able to compete if you're having sex with Alex in the supply closet. Why don't you try dating us both?"

Addison snorted, "Who do you think I am? I'm not Meredith if that's what you're hoping for, I don't need to date men in pairs to know which one I want, I made my choice and I told you pretty clearly that it's Alex and there's nothing….."

Derek cut her off, "We kissed in that on-call room yesterday and contrary to what your mouth is saying, your body still wants me and I may be crazy but I think your heart wants me as well. I just want a fair chance to win you back."

Addison closed her mouth as she couldn't find in herself to deny the truth in his words, her heart still wanted him even if it had been beaten and bruised by him it still wanted him. Addison closed her eyes and exhaled trying to regain her sense of balance. She opened her eyes again and as she looked into Derek's eyes she couldn't deny herself, she still loved him and it wasn't fair to Alex to try to start a relationship with him if she still felt anything for Derek, anything at all.

Addison exhaled noisily, "Derek, I don't know what you want me to say. You want me to pretend like we haven't both hurt each other a lot and forget that I'm trying to move on, without you. It's probably one of the healthiest moves I've made in decades and you want me to backpedal and fall back into your arms again where I lose myself. I don't know why you would think I would be happy to do that?"

Derek sighed, "Lose yourself? What about the good times you lost yourself in my arms? When you were so deliriously in love that you couldn't walk straight? Where you couldn't make a move until you knew how it would affect me and our family? Where is that losing?"

Addison smiled sadly, "I like how you choose to only remember the good times that I lost myself in you. How about when I begged you to hold my hand when I lost Erica, the one who was always there for me? The tears I cried begging you to hear that I needed you but a neurology convention in Dallas was more important than holding my hand, I really lost myself there and you ask like it should be given to you so freely."

Derek growled, "So then that's it, you walk away and move on and don't even give me a chance to make up for my mistakes? I don't think that's fair."

Addison grabbed her leftovers and stood up, "Fine Derek. You have what you want, I will think about it. I will think about giving you a chance but you stop with the touchy-feely."

Derek smirked as he stood up, "Touch-feely? I'll stop with the touch-feely if you stop sleeping with Alex."

Addison rolled her eyes as she stalked off.

* * *

Review please...It helps me write more! 


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: So I'm having a time trying to write a repentant Derek because he should be. I in the meantime  
like the relationship of Addison/Alex more...I read in a story over the weekend, Alex hasn't hurt Addison  
yet and maybe she needs to give him a try...I don't know, I still like Addek so I'm taking it one chapter at a  
time and letting my fingers decide where Addison will end up.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Miranda stared at her and huffed as she sat down next to her, "You didn't wait for us." Addison looked up at her friend's blunt statement but shrugged as she placed her head down on the table again needing a moment to regroup.

Callie sighed as she looked at Miranda, "Okay we're sorry. We shouldn't have made fun of you after Derek messed with you at the meeting. We're sorry," Callie looked to Miranda to get her acceptance in the group apology but Miranda just huffed and looked away.

Addison raised her head and smiled at Callie who had tried to apologize, she shot a mean look at Miranda but put her head back down on the table. Callie shook her shoulders softly, "So are you going to tell us what's wrong?"

Miranda smirked, "She's nasty that what's wrong."

Callie gasped at their mutual friend, "Miranda, that's not…," Miranda cut her off and looked at Callie and said, "Please tell Callie that I'm not wrong. You did something you weren't supposed to."

Addison looked down guiltily, "I had sex with Alex in the supply closet."

Callie stared at her friend open-mouthed and whispered, "Sex? You had sex with Karev in the supply closet?"

Callie leaned forward, "So was he good?"

Miranda stuck her nose up at Callie, "You're nasty too. What's your problem feeling guilty? You didn't cheat on Shepherd you're not married anymore if that's what you're worried about."

Addison raised her head and placed it on her outstretched arms, "First things, Callie he's good, he's always good. Miranda, I know I'm not married to Derek anymore but I still feel guilty when he comes over and looks at me like I cheated on him or something, aren't I entitled to move on like he did with McSlutty?"

Callie grinned at Addison, pleased that someone else had picked up for the moniker she had given to Meredith and turned to Miranda who was scowling at the both of them, "Okay, you're entitled but when Derek moved on with _Meredith_, he was over you or at least he claimed. Are you over Derek completely? I'm all for happiness with Alex because I saw him put back the smile on your face that Derek helped take off but Karev doesn't deserve half of you, no one does."

Addison leaned back and crossed her arms in her lap, "He wants me to date both of them and then chose."

Callie, "You mean like McSlutty did?"

Miranda groaned at her and said "Why do you need to date both of them? If you've told him that you want Alex that should be the end of it, right?"

Addison grimaced, "Well yesterday, we sorta maybe just a little, kissed."

Callie leaned forward in question, "Was there tongue?"

Addison moaned while Miranda swiped at her, "You are nasty. I'm going to have take a belt to you, what does it matter if there was tongue? She kissed him."

Callie shook her head, "I don't agree with that statement, no tongue no kiss."

Addison leaned forward, "You really think so?"

Callie started to explain her philosophy when Miranda cleared her throat garnering both of their attention, "You kissed someone other than the man you share your bed with most nights, which is a kiss and wrong."

Addison groaned and waved her hand in front of her face and said, "I like Callie's explanation and for the record, there was no tongue. I almost fell under the spell of him; you know he's not an ugly guy."

Callie sighed, "Depends on who you ask, George is more my type."

Addison clucked her tongue in sympathy, "He still won't talk to you?"

Callie looked down sadly, "No but I'm not too worried about it, if he can't understand that I was over with him when I slept with Mark then so be it. I don't need someone so judgmental anyway."

Addison touched her friend's hand consolingly, "Hate to be whiny but what about my issue? What do I do with Alex and Derek?"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Ouch, she slept with him didn't she?"

Derek shoved his tray onto the table and sat across from Mark who was busy sending something via email on his Blackberry. He closed the phone and said "I told you not to play with fire. I knew something was up when Karev came into my breast reconstruction surgery whistling and didn't even comment on the porn star."

Derek started to ask but then changed his mind, "Supply closet."

Mark winced, "One of your old hangouts? Do you know how many times I had to pretend that I was a pervert so you two didn't get busted? It's why I had to sleep with half of the nurses there so they knew that I wasn't a loser."

Derek opened his soda and sipped and laughed, "Like that was such a hardship for you anyway."

Mark shrugged, "What can I say? I had a reputation to uphold, now back to your problem. How are you going to get back good in with Addison?"

Derek groaned as he opened his turkey and Swiss sandwich and bit into it and smiled as he chewed, "Addison thinks I ate some poisonous mushrooms in the cafeteria and that my mood will wear off and I'll go back to ignoring her."

Mark snickered, but then stopped, "What did you eat last week anyway?"

Derek sighed in exasperation, "No Mark, I didn't eat any poison mushrooms. I just had a rude awakening. Its hell waking up one day and realizing that your life is nowhere what you wanted it to be, it's nothing that you want it to be."

Mark sighed, "Why did you go on that camping trip anyway? Wasn't that supposed to be your spiritual retreat to help you get your head on straight?"

Derek exhaled softly, "I thought I had my head on straight. You cheated on me with my wife and broke my heart, I loved Meredith and that was that. I didn't need anything else and then when I was with her it just wasn't what I was expecting. Maybe it was all the anticipation and then the letdown I don't know but whatever it is, I found myself unable to sleep and just unable to be…."

Mark grimaced, "Be Derek without Addison?"

Derek smiled, "Yea, that's it, there's no Derek Shepherd completely without Addison Montgomery and I'm just sad that it took me that long to realize it. I was so wrapped up in my anger that she had slept with you that I turned my back and my mind on the 11 years of memories it took to create the situation. I just want her to acknowledge that we had 11 years together and even though I'm an ass, I'll admit I'm an ass; I'm an ass who's repentant. I want to make it up to her; I want her to know that everything we went through did mean something to me. The fact that she gave up everything to follow me to Seattle meant something and I don't know how to go about doing that, I'm just tired of being the bad guy in this game."

Mark motioned to his chips after listening to his friend's dialogue and said "Are you going to eat those?"

Derek threw the bags at his friend and said, "How are things going with Izzie? I may need your intervention; she seems to be helping Alex win over Addison."

Mark scowled, "Don't mention that idiot to me; he's robbing me of my latest conquest. We are always being interrupted because Alex needs Izzie or Izzie needs Alex it's getting to be sickening, kinda like you and Addison."

Derek smirked at him, "Don't tell me you're jealous. Hey, I don't need to tell you that Izzie's been through a lot and the last thing she needs is some Romeo who doesn't even really have feelings for her. You have to be upfront with her,"

Mark crossed his arms, "You wanted my help with Addison and I don't recall asking for advice on my romantic life."

Derek groaned, "Am I going to end up having to kick your ass?"

Mark chuckled, "Shepherd, you couldn't take me back in college, you can't take me now. Now, on to your problem, how are we going to get Addison happy with you again?"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Addison sighed as she pressed the down button to the elevator and waited. Alex had said he had a surprise for her and would meet her in the apartment. Meanwhile, she hadn't decided what, if anything, she was going to say to Alex about Derek. She had never felt so confused and since the effects of the mushrooms had long since worn off she knew she had no choice but to recognize that maybe Derek was serious and he wanted her back.

As the door opened she looked into her purse for her cell phone as she walked into the elevator and pressed the floor she needed. She didn't notice that anyone had entered the elevator with her as she started dialing a number on her cell phone, "Alex, I'm leaving Seattle Grace now. I should be at my house in about fifteen minutes."

Derek cleared his throat from beside her and said "Addison, we need to talk."

Addison turned around and faced him with her arms crossed in front of her for protection, "So did you finally get over the aftereffects of the mushrooms or are you back again for more mind games?"

Derek laughed softly, "Yea, I did. I realized that I can't keep asking you to put your life on hold for me, after the way I treated you, I'm lucky we can still speak. I just wanted to apologize."

Addison looked at him distrusting, "What got into you?"

Derek shrugged as he shuffled his feet and looked down, "A dose of reality you could call it? I recognize that I'm a big reason why you're not happy and I realize that you don't owe me anything and it was foolish of me to think that I could get you to try."

Addison smiled softly and said "Thanks Derek, you don't know what that means to me."

She turned back to the elevator as she waited for her floor and they rode down in companionable silence.

She finally cleared her throat and said "So how's work going?"

Derek looked back at her in shock, he hadn't expected her to fall back into conversation with him so easily, "Work is fine although I'm going home without having my head in anyone's brain it usually makes me restless."

Addison smirked, "I remember when you used to pace at night before a surgery and then bother me when I tried to get some sleep. Do you still…," Addison broke off as she admonished herself for thinking of them in the past, it wasn't the way to move on, "I'm sorry, that's not fair of me to ask. So, when do you get to dig in someone's brain next?"

Derek smiled softly at that, "I don't know, it seems like the brain tumors just aren't coming in, maybe I'll come over and help you out in obstetrics if its still this slow tomorrow."

Addison rolled her eyes, "Yea, like that would work."

Addison opened her mouth to say something else when the elevator jolted and the lights were turned out in the elevator and all of a sudden, they were cloaked in darkness.

Addison sighed as she slid to the floor, "This isn't happening."

* * *

Addex fans...don't get too upset, I think I need to try to write an humble Derek and I thought a broken elevator would be the trick.  
Don't lose hope yet. 


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: No excuse for the length in updating other than life sucks and it's affecting my writing. I'll try to  
update in a week. Try being the operative word. So please let me know your thoughts.

**Chapter 6**

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Alex jerked the door to Addison's apartment open and greeted Izzie with a nervous smile. He stepped back in and allowed her entry; she peeked over the threshold then turned to him with a question, "I'm not going to interrupt anything am I?"

Alex grabbed her arm and closed the door behind her, "I told you over the phone that Addison just called me from her cell phone and told me that she was on her way and would be here in 15 minutes… I need some advice about how to approach this whole no-sex thing."

Izzie sighed as she dumped her jacket and purse on the couch and wandered into the kitchen being nosy. Alex cleared his throat from behind her and she turned back to him with a guilty look, "So sue me, I'm curious as to how the other half lives."

Alex smirked, "You are the other half Izzie once you deposit that check but I'm talking about my issues now. What do I do when she looks at me in confusion wondering why I'm turning her down? I need to break it to her gently and you have to help me."

Izzie rolled her eyes and said, "Listen Alex, maybe this whole no-sex idea isn't a good thing. You aren't exactly known for your willpower. I don't want you to mess this up because you can't resist her."

Alex sat down on the couch and motioned for her to join him and said "I feel things for Addison, Izzie serious things. Things, I'm not ready to voice for fear they aren't corresponded. When we became this whole 'relationship' I had no qualms in saying that she was only with me to forget her marriage to Shepherd and her screw-up with Sloan but I was determined to be more than that for her and she's allowed me this much into her life but this is the hard part. The one guy she gave it all up for, wants her back and he wants to make up for the way he screwed up. How do I compete with 15 years of a relationship compared to a couple of great nights in the sack and some shared lunches?"

Izzie put her hand on his shoulder, "Alex it's not going to be easy but then nothing worth fighting for is easy. Just don't lose hope, you have something that Derek Shepherd hasn't had for a long time and as long as you are true to that you may always have the upper edge on him."

Alex scowled as he looked at her, "I don't have the upper edge on Shepherd. He has the edge on me, he has the history…," Izzie interrupted him, "Yea he has the history. A history of dysfunction, pain and betrayal but you have her trust and that's something that I bet Derek Shepherd would kill for at this moment."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"This can't be happening, not to me."

Derek smirked in the darkness and Addison scowled, "Derek, don't you dare make a face, this isn't funny."

Derek felt the smirk fall from his face as it was replaced with surprise, "How did you know I was smirking at you?"

Addison sat down across from hen in the elevator as she looked into the darkness and spoke to what she assumed was his face, "Derek we lived together for almost two decades, I can't forget everything overnight….Some things I don't want to forget like I could always tell how you would be making faces behind my back when I rambled on."

Derek nodded as he leaned his head against the elevator, in contemplation. Addison noticed the change in the atmosphere and asked, "What are you thinking about Derek?"

Derek shook his head and said, "I'm just sad Addie. I'm sad that the man that once promised to love, honor and cherish did such a bad job of honoring those vows. My regret list where it concerns you is long, and I keep adding to it as I see you working around the hospital."

Addison smiled in the darkness, "My list is long as well Derek so don't feel left out there. I guess, that's why I feel it's better to walk away, there has been so much hurt on both sides that I don't want us to hurt ourselves or anyone else more…. I don't want to go down that path again. And I want one good reason why I should? Derek we fought, we hurt each other, we cried, we fought and we loved but not more than we fought and hurt each other. I don't want to remember all of that and each time I see you, I'm remembered of everything I had with you, and I won't deny it….some was good, some was very good. But when it was bad Derek, it was devastating and I can't be devastated by you again. When I finally thought I was over you, and I get to a place of acceptance with our relationship you come back and try to move the past. So tell me Derek, honestly why I should fight for us anymore?"

Derek sighed, "A part of me is yearning at this moment to deny that we shouldn't fight but I would be lying if I said it was going to be easy, love is never easy. Do you know that's why I think I wanted to be with Meredith so bad? She was an important part of my life, I won't lie to you about that but the important part about her wasn't who she was but more about who she wasn't. She wasn't the woman I loved for the majority of my adult life, she wasn't the one who I was proud to call my wife and once I had her and I realized that she couldn't fill the void that you left in my heart I felt sick. What had I been doing for the past six months pining after her when my brain was kicking me and saying just look at her, the one who has always been there. Look at Addison and see what you already have. I shut down my brain and decided to listen to my heart instead, but the heart can be a treacherous organ."

Addison felt the tears well in her eyes, "Derek, please let's just not rehash our love story it still hurts too much. You make me remember all of the times when it was just you and I, and then I start remembering the love and the sense of completeness I had with you but I also start remembering other things, like how when you left it broke me in two. I've never felt more alone and the part I worry about the most is that I don't think that I'll be able to continue to fight you if you keep making me remember how much I needed you at one time."

Derek nodded but still spoke, "The painful thing about that statement is that it just means that we still have love between us. Addison, you have to know that if you weren't so angry with me all the time for getting in your personal space, for telling you I'm fighting for you, for doing anything I'm doing its because there's still something there….and if there's something there we need to fight for it."

Addison stifled a sob, "Because it hurts too much? What kind of sense would that make? Fight? That's why I moved to Seattle Derek, that's why I went ot therapy with you when you knew how much I hated talking about my feelings because for you I was prepared to fight but I fought that battle alone and now because you want to fight with me, I need to forget about the one good thing that's happened to me since I moved to Seattle, Alex. I don't want to hurt him Derek, I don't want to hurt him."

Derek nodded, "I know that your feelings for Alex aren't something that I can tell you how to feel, just like you told me that my feelings for Meredith weren't something you could fight either. I just don't want to miss an opportunity for us, because even with all of the hurt and distrust that lies between us we can't possibly be out of love if it still hurts too much to touch the subject. We need to work to where we were before or at least a place where we both can heal and try to rebuild what we had and we need to figure out how to get there again and we need to do it together." He reached out for her hand in the darkness and waited on bated breath for a response.

The waiting in the darkness felt eternal to him until he felt Addison's clammy hand grip his softly and then firmer as if she had made a decision.

Derek felt the tears well in his eyes as well that she had taken a step towards him whether she knew it or not, then the lights came on.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Alex had been pacing around the apartment for the last thirty minutes. He had picked up her portable phone too many times to count but before he could press the last digit on the phone, he always held himself back. There was something about trust and whether she should be deserving of it and he knew he couldn't fail her with this test but at the same time his heart was telling him that if you want her to be yours you have to fight. He didn't know who to listen to and the voices in his head were becoming too loud to ignore.

Addison Montgomery was a gorgeous woman.

Addison Montgomery was a gorgeous woman, who was still in love with her ex-husband.

Addison Montgomery was a gorgeous woman, who was still in love with her ex-husband who had treated her like crap.

Addison Montgomery was a gorgeous woman, who was still in love with her ex-husband who had treated her like crap and she was slowly becoming the love of his life.

He got up and started pacing again and cursed Derek Shepherd for every entertaining the idea that he should be given another chance with Addison. He had wasted all of his chances and he wasn't going to turn back now, even if the idiot had a sudden change of conscious.

Alex exhaled as he walked to the dining room and blew out the candles. He didn't know what had happened to Addison, but he was determined that trust was going to be an important factor in their relationship.

He doused all the lights in the living room and headed into her bedroom to wait for Addison and what had happened tonight.

* * *

I know all the Addex fans will want to throw things at me but I'm trying to develop before I develop Addex as a couple. I think for her to  
truly be committed to either guy she needs to resolve in her mind/heart what happened with her marriage with Derek so even though as it  
seems its going to be an Addek story (I still haven't made up my mind) Addex fans hold on because Alex isn't out of the picture, not by a long shot. 


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Don't hate my Addie too much...I know she seems wishy-washy but I really think she's just confused. Heck for that matter  
so am I! Damn Kate Walsh and her incredible chemistry with every actor on GA! It makes it hard sometimes to know who to ship!

Chapter 7

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Addison jerked her hand out of Derek's in the light of the elevators as they flickered to life and the elevator started moving.

Addison slid up to the top of the wall and cursed to herself, she hadn't called Alex and he was probably worried wondering where she was and here she was betraying him. She was holding hands with the man that broke her heart while the man that helped her fix her fractured heart waited at home alone.

She was no better than she had been when she was with Derek.

Why did she keep doing this to the men in her life? Why did she keep hurting the people who were trying to care for her?

"Just stop it."

Addison lifted an eyebrow at the directive but turned around as she watched the numbers of the floor slowly descend. "Stop what?"

Derek looked at her, "Addison, you're thinking too much about this. You pull your lip into your teeth when your thoughts take a turn for the worst or when you are beating up on yourself. Stop it, Addie. We came to a decision together a decision like the adults we are, to try to work on our relationship there's nothing to feel ashamed about."

Addison sighed and turned to him, "I held your hand Derek, I held your hand and it was wrong. You hurt me more than I thought was ever possible and one of the people who helped put me back together is counting on me to be honest with him, he's counting on me to be truthful and I'm not giving him my all. Every time I'm near you, I betray him in a small way and its not right and it has to stop."

Derek laughed as the numbers indicated they were almost at the first floor and he pressed the stop button and turned to her, " Addison, stop it. Stop this self-imposed hate fest; it's not something that you should be ashamed of. It's not your fault that we weren't finished when we divorced."

Addison scowled as she pressed the button and turned all of her self-hatred onto him, "No, it's your fault. I was moving right along in my new life when you come again and decide to screw it up, when will this end Shepherd? When will this sick cycle between you and I end, when? I hurt you, you hurt me, we continually make other people the focal points of our life and we get nowhere, I want it to end."

Derek reached for her and pulled her into his arms. He knew she was digging her heels in and fighting their still present feelings for all it was worth so he sighed and decided to let it drop, for now "Addison," he leaned down and kissed her cheek gently, "Addison, good night. We will talk in the morning."

He dropped his hands from around her and when the doors opened walked out into the night without another word.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

When Addison opened the door to her apartment she sighed with the weight of the world on her chest. It was Derek's fault but it was also her own. Her own indecisiveness was causing her to not be able to see clearly. If she was over Derek, there would be and should be no hesitation on her part but there was. There would always be hesitation when it came to cutting out the man that had been her partner for many of the years of her life. She dropped her purse and bag and sat down on her couch. The Italian leather couch that Alex had helped her pick out, and then helped her christen multiple times.

She looked over at the kitchen and saw the candles that had been extinguished long ago, and the wine that was once sitting in an ice-holder was now surrounding by lukewarm water.

She felt the tears come to her eyes, as she realized the weight of her errors. The door to her bedroom opened and Alex shuffled out in a t-shirt and boxers. He sat down next to her on the edge of the couch and started stroking her hair as she laid her head on his knees.

"Addison, what happened tonight?"

Addison felt the tears threatening to start anew at the gentle tone in his voice, "What happened is that while I was in the elevator on the way home to you and the power went off in the elevator."

Alex exhaled softly, relieved to realize she hadn't been where his mind imagined, which was in bed with Derek Shepherd. "Why didn't you call?"

Addison shrugged, "It's been so long since anyone's cared about me or where I am that I didn't think another thought of calling you until the doors opened up and I was ready to leave, I'm sorry if I worried you."

Alex nodded as he pulled her to her feet, "I need you to know that for the future," Alex started wiping the tears that had fallen off her cheeks, "for the future, no matter where you are, call me and let me know your okay. Okay?"

Addison started to sob and fell into his chest. Alex didn't understand why she was still crying but he had a feeling that whatever the cause, it had something to do with Derek Shepherd. He didn't have to wait long as Addison pulled back and sat on the couch and pulled her knees into her body, "Alex, Derek was on the elevator with me."

Alex swore under his breath because he wanted to go punch something but he knew that Addison needed him right now so he hesitated, "Is that why you didn't call me?"

Addison looked up sharply, "No Alex, that's not it. I told you the truth when I said that I didn't call because it had been so long that someone had cared about me that I didn't think I needed to let anyone know. That's the only reason."

Alex exhaled and sat down next to her, "What happened in that elevator, Addison?"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"What happened in that elevator Derek?"

Derek looked up from his drink and checked his watch, "What are you doing here Sloan? I thought this was your date night with Izzie."

Mark scowled as he sat next to him and motioned for Jake to bring him over his usual, "It was until Izzie got a call from Karev and she went running. I swear the two of them make me sick, friends and lovers who knew?"

Derek smirked but turned back to his drink and sipped it lost in thought. He was so lost that he didn't hear Mark when he called him the first, second or third time. But the third time came with a hit on his shoulder that Derek looked up at in question. "Derek, where were you man? What happened in the elevator?"

Derek leaned back and looked at him in scrutiny, "Wait…how did you know about the elevator?"

Mark grinned as he sipped from his drink, "You needed a hand and I gave you one, you guys used to be crazy for dark elevators….I bribed the electrician to cut power to that elevator for an hour. So did it work?"

Derek scowled and looked back down, "It worked until the lights came on and then her denial of her feelings set in. I know that we were so close, so close to being there again, that place that she was always fighting for and that I wouldn't let my pride accept but then the lights coming on like jolted her back into reality and she remembered she couldn't trust me and that I was her worst enemy. She turned hot and cold on me in the span of two minutes."

Mark smile dropped, "I'm sorry Derek, I know how much you were hoping that this would work out. But after everything you two have been through maybe this is only the beginning of something better. I'm sorry it didn't work out like you planned though."

Derek grinned and smiled, "Don't feel too sorry for me, on the contrary, I think what happened in that elevator helped seal the idea in Addison's mind that she can't turn her back on her feelings for me."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Addison fidgeted with her hands tucked in her lap as she looked into Alex's trusting eyes. She motioned for him to sit down, "First off, I didn't plan for this to happen and neither did Derek."

Alex smirked in disbelief, "I'm so sure that the elevator 'happened' to black out at that particular moment and 'only' the two of you happened to be the passengers. If you still don't want to believe that Derek had anything to do with it then fine, but what happened in the elevator that has you so concerned?"

Addison looked down, "Derek and I talked for the first time in awhile Alex and I felt close to him."

Alex exhaled sharply as he stood up, "Close enough to….?" Addison swore as she looked up in horror, "No, Alex I wouldn't sleep with him. Not when I'm in a relationship with you. I've betrayed one man I was with before and I swore to myself that I would never do that again, I didn't sleep with him I swear."

Alex nodded and sat back down, "I kinda figured that I just needed your confirmation and to hear it from your on lips to make it a reality in my mind. I'm sorry for doubting you Addison."

Addison shook her head, "I don't deserve an apology because just I didn't sleep with Derek doesn't mean I'm innocent in all of this. I held his hand Alex."

Alex felt a smile threatening to erupt from his face at the insignificance of the act that she was deeming unforgivable, "You held his hand Addison? That's it that is what has you so worried you held his hand?"

Addison closed her eyes, "He asked me to hold his hand and promise that we were going to try to work back to where we were, that the mistakes of our marriage we were going to learn from and try to rebuild."

Alex stood up as he felt the bottom fall out of his world as he uttered the only word that could come to his mind, "Oh."

Addison stood up and walked over to him, "I didn't want this to happen Alex and I'm not even sure that I want to try again with Derek but I had to be honest with you. I had to tell you that he still has a hold on me and I don't want you to ever accuse me of being dishonest, please understand."

Alex nodded as he pulled her into his arms and inhaled the scent of her hair as he relished the privilege of having her in his arms. He pulled back suddenly and started reaching into his jacket searching for something.

Addison looked at his frantic movements in question, "What are you doing Alex?"

Alex searched until he found what he was looking for and pressed the object into her palm. Addison opened her palm slowly and looked at the object as the tears started falling anew it was the key to her apartment, "Alex, no, no. This can't be what I think it means."

Alex looked at the tears falling down from her cheek, "What do you want it to mean Addison? I can't keep doing this, not when it's so obvious that your feelings for Shepherd aren't a thing of the past."

Addison started to shake her head in denial, "They are a thing of the past and I need you to help me eradicate them from my brain and my heart. No, I don't accept this, I won't."

Alex stifled a sob, "What do you want from me Addison? Do you want me to sit here and wait for you to realize that I could be the best thing that ever happened to you if you could just stop loving your ex-husband?"

Addison closed her eyes as she wrapped her arms around his waist and held on tightly, "I don't want to lose you Alex. I feel things for Derek, yes, I'll admit it but I feel things for you too, deep things. Things, I'm not prepared to turn my back on even if I do feel something for Derek."

Alex looked at her and sighed softly as he started stroking her cheek, "These 'things' that you feel for me do they have a name?"

Addison looked at him in confusion, "Name? What do you mean?"

Alex looked into her eyes with a flicker of hope, "Can you call these feelings for me love Addison? Love, that's what I want from you. I can be here for you, I can even have sex with you but what I want from you is not that, I want love and until you're prepared to give them to me I'm not willing to settle for second best."

Addison started to cry as Alex loosened her arms from around his waist as she fell to the couch sobbing. She looked up at him angrily, "So that's it? You're leaving me; you're not even going to try?"

Alex leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips, "I'm not leaving, and I'm not giving up. I'm not going anywhere Addison, I'm just breathing. I think you need to do that too just breathe. Take a step back, look into my eyes and look into Derek's and decide whose eyes you want to see each morning when you wake up."

Addison laid on the couch and said, "I don't want to lose you Alex."

Alex picked up his coat and walked to the door, "Then don't Addison. Don't lose me, fight for us."

* * *

Angsty Addex I love! They are so good together (like Addek)...I want Addison happy dern it and those men just want her!  
Thoughts Please! 


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Next update, full of the Trio bonding...(Cal/Addi/Mir) My favorites on the show!

* * *

**Chapter 8**

'I need you.'

Miranda and Callie sighed as they headed up to the apartment of their mutual friend. It was almost midnight and even though both had full schedules in the morning, yet neither hesitated when they received the call which is how they found themselves coming to the door at the same time.

Miranda looked at Callie, "So did she tell you what happened?"

Callie shook her head, "I just got her to stop crying enough to understand that something big happened. I guess we should knock on the door."

Miranda nodded, "I guess so. Can I say I'm actually kinda looking forward to this?"

Callie picked up her plastic bag that she had in one hand, "I have the three pints of Chunky Monkey and the cookie dough," Miranda smirked as she held out her own plastic bag, "I brought the alcohol and the soft tissues."

Callie smiled, "Then I think we're ready Nazi."

Miranda knocked on the door and as their friend opened the door donned in an old college t-shirt with tissues in her hand and the phone in the other.

She started to sob loudly as she saw her girlfriends who dropped their bags at the door and created and half circle and embraced her in their arms.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"You win Shepherd."

Derek felt the smile fall from his face. He had been getting ready for bed when the knock came on the trailer door and he had assumed it was Addison. He knew it was too soon for him to believe that she could want him back and so when he saw Alex Karev at his front step he had a feeling it wasn't going to be pretty.

"Alex, do you want to come in?"

Alex shook his head, "In case I have to beat your ass I prefer to be outside. I don't think that trailer is big enough to handle our fight."

Derek sighed and stared him in the eye, "I'm tired, I just got off an 18 hour shift and the last thing on my mind is fighting with Addison's boyfriend."

Alex nodded and entered the trailer, "Ex-boyfriend Shepherd. Ex-boyfriend."

Derek motioned for him to take a seat and he did the same, "Did she break it off?"

Alex rolled his eyes, "Does it really matter who broke up with whom?"

Derek stood up and walked over to his cupboards, "You want a drink," Derek looked back and at Alex's affirmative nod he searched and found two glasses and filled them with juice from the refrigerator. Alex looked at him in question, "Listen, I almost got too drunk tonight so this is the best I can do." He sat back down and sipped from his cup as he met his eyes, "It does matter you know Karev. If she broke up with you because she was in love with me, I would be the first to run over and take her in my arms but from the way you like that's obvious it didn't happen. You would've already beaten my ass but I think you're trying to be the bigger man here and I don't want that."

Alex scowled, "You don't want that? What are you talking about?"

Derek laughed to himself, "It does seem pretty stupid on my part doesn't it? Here's the thing Karev, I love Addison. I treated her like crap and even after all this time, she still feels something for me. Whether it could still be love on her part or just the memory of how it was, I can't even name it but whatever it is, I don't want you step out of the way so she can find out what it is, I want her to explore whatever you two have so when she comes back to me, that is if she comes back to me its with a free conscience and a free heart so she's free to love me just as deeply as I love her with no one else. Does that make sense?"

Alex pushed the cup away, "Yea it makes sense. Addison didn't want me to leave and I didn't want to leave but I won't be second best to anybody Shepherd. And especially not you, after all the crap you put her through. You don't deserve her you know."

Derek looked down as he emptied his cup down his throat in a single swallow and stared at the droplets that were left in the glass with intensity, "She is an exceptional woman and I'm just sorry that I didn't realize it sooner and I waited to long to make a move. If I had put aside my pride and my obsession with Meredith Grey, I would still be married to her but I can't worry about the past. If I lose her to you Alex, at least I'll know that she's in the arms of someone who realizes just how special she is and I'll have no other choice to walk away because I have to pay for my mistakes."

Alex growled, "Why the hell are you being so nice about this? I need you to be an ass; I need you to be a jerk that I keep imagining in my head so all this rage I have inside of me I can use to beat the crap out of you."

Derek chuckled, "I wish I could give you an answer because I don't think I'm being nice about anything. I'm not willing to pull any punches to win her back."

Alex rolled his eyes, "I'm not giving up either, I told her and now I'm telling you. I didn't break up with her; I'm giving her, her space. The space she needs to decide who she wants and if during that time she needs me, I'll be there for her Derek make no mistake about that."

Derek nodded, "It's the least I would expect of you. I'm sure it'll do her good to hear that as well."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"So he's just giving you space?"

Addison nodded as she dug vigorously into her pint of Chunky Monkey with a grimace, "Space. Space and I should be grateful but I feel dumped and not in a good way."

Miranda looked at her as she mixed her cookie dough into her pint and then took a spoonful out and shoved it into her mouth, "There's a good way to feel dumped?"

Callie nodded as she pulled her cookies out of the oven. The other two women had preferred their cookie dough in their ice cream but Callie said that nothing was better than warm cookies and cold ice-cream. She hollered out her response from the kitchen, "When a guy is worthless and you act like an idiot so he'll dump you, then you feel good so I understand what she's saying. So, why did you let Shepherd get to you if you don't want him back or so say you?"

Miranda nodded and looked to Addison for a response to the question that had her wondering as well, " Addison, we need a response to this one."

Addison stirred her ice-cream as she pondered over it, "Alex helped pull me out of the darkness that Derek put me in and I'm grateful to him for that but I don't know if I'm ready to define that gratitude as love yet. Derek is the one who put me into the darkness and with him it was love and now it suddenly feels like he's sticking a hand into that darkness and saying, 'Hey let me help you with that'. I know it sounds crazy but its how I feel."

Miranda nodded, "You're right it does sound crazy."

Callie exited the kitchen and curled up on her couch as she stared at her girlfriends, "I don't think it's that crazy. Look, I'm not Derek's biggest fan but if he still holds a place in your heart, one that you don't want him to give up than you can't deny it. I just wonder what you would've done if Derek never came to you with this regret 'act', would've you been with Alex and not loved him?"

Addison shook her head, "It's complicated, I'm not saying I don't love Alex, I'm just saying that what I feel for him is still so confused that I don't want to mistakenly call it love and then we end up hurting each other when what we once labeled as love turned out to be just lust and really great friendship."

Miranda scooped out some more ice-cream and paused before putting in her mouth, "So then you still love Derek Shepherd then," she shoved the spoon into her mouth as she waited for the response.

Addison shrugged, "He was a big part of my life you guys, and those feelings just don't go away overnight."

Callie moaned as she bit off a piece of her cookie and both of her friends looked at her in disbelief, "What? My cookies and ice-cream are good. So McStupid can treat you like dirt for over a year, he can sleep around on you after constantly throwing your own affair in your face and then divorce you without consequence and still you get a warm and fuzzy every time you seem him? Really?"

Addison sighed as she felt the tears threaten to fall again, "That's why I'm so confused. By all accounts, I should despise the ground that Derek Shepherd walks on but each time I'm with him, all I remember are the times that we were happy and how complete we were when we were together. We were so happy and I guess for a moment, I wanted to hold onto that feeling."

Callie sighed, "So you don't know if you love him, you don't know if you love Alex but you do know that you don't want to lose both of them from your life right?"

Addison stuck her spoon back in and went for another bite as she nodded, "That about sums it up ladies."

Miranda huffed unceremoniously and said, "You're screwed, where's the alcohol?"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Next Morning

Alex had pieced himself together enough to go into work. He had been worried that his emotions would still be so distraught after his talk with Addison that he wouldn't be fit for work but he found that waking up hadn't been as tough as he once thought.

It was a matter of taking it one step at a time, one day at a time.

He sighed as his attending came up behind him, "Karev, you look like hell. Where's my coffee?"

His first instinct had been to curse out his boss but he was trying to get through the day with the least amount of confrontations as possible, "Coming right up Dr. Sloan."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Derek stood staring at his wife or who he still considered to be his wife as she doctored on her coffee in the shop. She was so focused on her task that she didn't notice that he had been entranced by the sight of her for the last five minutes and was openly staring at her as she worked at her objective. She was a master at whatever task she set her mind too and right now she was trying to ratio the proper amount of sugar to cream and just the right pinch of cinnamon.

"Leave her alone." Derek spun around at was met face to face with Miranda Bailey who had somehow become his wife's champion in the last couple of months.

"I was just watching her fix her coffee. She's so beautiful, don't you think?"

Miranda scowled as she grabbed his arm and took him outside the shop and said, "What I think is that you are full of it and its really getting on my nerves."

Derek looked at her in confusion, "What's wrong with you?"

Miranda groaned as she prayed for patience to not knock the snot out of the attending in front of her, "She's confused and she's broken in two because of you and Alex and you aren't giving her what she needs. Alex is more mature than you are and you are ten years his senior, giving her space when she needs it and giving her breathing room to work out her heart. You want to be in her face 24 hours a day and that's not fair."

Derek held up his hand in protest, "I take offense at that Miranda. What I want is her back in my life and I never asked Alex to break up with her but I won't lie that it made me feel as if all the effort I was going through wasn't for nothing because she still feels something for me. I won't stand back and allow her to imagine her life without me if that is what you're hoping."

Miranda closed her eyes and counted to ten and then opened them again slowly, "Derek, she loved you with all of her heart and I was at the bar the night she was crying into her drink because she was so upset that her life with you was over. Where were you? Where were you when she had to watch you and Meredith show how happy you were to the whole hospital not caring that the woman who had been by your side the majority of your life was quietly falling apart? The ones that helped her pick up the pieces were Alex, Callie and I. You were nowhere near and the fact that you just want to walk in and take the woman that we put back together is not right and it's not fair."

Derek crossed his arms, as the weight of his sins hit him in the face. He cleared his throat and spoke gruffly, "I'm not ignorant to the amount of hurt that I caused Addison, that we both caused each other but there was something else there too Miranda. There was a lot of love and that love is what I'm fighting for it's what I'm fighting with Addison for."

Miranda took him by the arm and motioned for him to look into the coffee shop and as Derek's eyes rose he saw Addison and Alex talking. Derek scowled and looked at Miranda, "Why did you show me this Miranda? Were you trying to hurt me on purpose?"

Miranda shook her head, "No, that's more your arena. I'm just showing you that she can be happy without you, you aren't the be all end all and it's about time you realized it."

* * *

I know Addek fans, I stuck it do Derek at the end of this chapter, but he needed it after all he put our Addison through. God, I love a good Bailey smackdown!  
Thoughts, Please. Thanks EP 


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: New chapter let me know your thoughts!

* * *

**Chapter 9**

"Hey, I missed you last night."

Alex sighed as he reached over her for the cream and turned to her, " Addison, it's only been one night."

Addison nodded as she brought the coffee cup to her lips and sipped slowly, "Yea, I know. I guess I'm a sentimental fool but I actually got used to you being there."

Alex nodded as he decided to be honest, "Yea, I didn't sleep too well either."

Addison put down her cup and placed a hand on his heart and laid her head where her hand had once been, "I missed the sound of your heartbeat. After we would make love, I would fall asleep to the sound of your heartbeat, it was the most soothing sound…."

Alex jerked as if he was in pain and pulled away, " Addison, please stop making this harder than it has to be."

Addison felt the tears well in her eyes at his coldness, "Yea, I guess you're right, I'll leave you alone. I'm sorry I bothered you." She started to walk away with her cup in her hand and her head down dejectedly.

Alex scowled and pulled Addison back into his arms as he kissed her soundly. Addison smiled against his lips and said, "I miss you. Please don't do this to me, not now. Not when I need you now more than ever."

Alex cradled her face in his hands and started stroking her cheek, "What do you need from me? A warm bed a willing body or just a listening ear?"

Addison flinched back, "Why are you being this way?"

Alex shook his head, "Because what I want from you is more than need Addison, what I want is for you to love me. Love me. Not need me because Derek touched you or spoke to you and it messed with your mind, I want nothing less than all of you. I'm selfish, I don't share well. I didn't share as a child and I won't do it as an adult and not with the woman I love."

Addison gasped, and Alex nodded as he leaned down and kissed her on the cheek and then moved his mouth to her ear and whispered, "I love you Addison, the ball is in your court now. What do you feel for me?"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Later That Morning

Addison smiled at her patient, Corrine Emery. She was 26 weeks pregnant when the doctor had located a tumor sitting on her optic nerve and said that surgery needed to be scheduled immediately if she wanted to save her life. Her first priority had been that of her child. She had been abandoned as a child on a church doorstep and had promised that any child she was blessed with would be given a chance to come into the world.

Addison sat on the stool in front of her bed and smiled, "Corrine, the baby looks healthy and he should come through surgery fine. Dr. Derek Shepherd will be the one who operates on the tumor. We are going to do everything we can to ensure that you come through surgery fine and that you are allowed to enjoy the birth of your firstborn."

Corrine smiled at Addison, "Thank you doctor. You don't know what it means to me to be able to talk to someone who doesn't look at me like I have a third head. The doctors back home told me that I should just get an abortion and then focus on getting rid of the cancer but I couldn't kill my baby you know?"

Addison sighed softly as she touched her gently on the hand, "Of course I know and you aren't wrong for wanting to ensure that your child is given a chance at a better life. Not everyone was dealt a good hand when it comes to parents but I think this kid has hit the lottery with a woman willing to put her life behind that of her child and their not even here yet."

Corrine smiled as the tears started falling down her cheeks, "Damn these hormones, Dr. Montgomery. Its just hearing from an educated woman like yourself that I'm not doing wrong helps make my decision so much easier. Did you know that I'm married?"

Addison nodded, "I read as such in your chart but since he wasn't here I assumed he must be working."

Corrine shook her head as she reached for a tissue, "He wants to have me declared mentally incompetent and have the abortion performed against my will to save my life."

Addison gasped in horror, "But that's just criminal Corrine. It's your baby too."

Corrine smiled through her tears, "Don't be too upset at him. Jake's a good man really it's just that I'm his second wife you see. His first wife died of breast cancer and left him with a little girl to raise, Mandy. Mandy is a wonderful child and I love her as dearly as the one that I'm carrying. He doesn't want to lose me like he lost his first wife and so he wants to have me declared incompetent so they can remove the tumor and then he said if we want more children we can try later but my heart just wouldn't let me, you know?"

Addison took her hand in her own and said, "Yes Corrine, I do know."

The knock on the door jolted Addison out of her own thoughts as she saw her ex-husband enter the room. He was as handsome and potent as ever and unfortunately he still had the power to take her breath away.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"I didn't mean to interrupt, I could come back later if you weren't finished asking questions to Dr. Montgomery."

Derek sat in the chair that had been vacated rather quickly by Addison when he came into the room and greeted his new patient with his trademark 'I'm going to take care of you' smile.

Corrine shook her head, "I was finished, she was just comforting me with my latest bout of hormones. I was telling her about my husband, Jake."

Derek looked around the room, "Jake can be in here too if you want me to go get him."

Corrine reached for another tissue and started dabbing away at the tears, "It's these hormones, please forgive me Dr. Shepherd. I was just telling Dr. Montgomery that my husband Jake wants me to have an abortion so that we can focus on getting the tumor out of my body and worry about having children later. I told him that I wouldn't murder any of God's creation, I hadn't before and I wasn't going to start. He's kinda upset at me and he when I left he was consulting with a lawyer about having me declared incompetent."

Derek scowled in disbelief, "I'm sorry to hear that Mrs. Emery. I know that it must be a difficult decision for your husband, lose your wife or your child. It can't be easy on him to know that there's a possibility that he could lose you."

Corrine smiled, "That's what Dr. Montgomery said, she's such a nice doctor and pretty too. If I wasn't so in love with my Jake I would think about switching fields if you know what I mean."

Derek laughed, "I do know what you mean and I have to agree with you, Dr. Montgomery is definitely one of a kind."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Mr. Emery, please will you just let me explain to you how the procedure is going to go? I don't want Corrine to have to go through this alone and whatever your differences may be…."

Addison scowled as she stared at the phone in disbelief and spoke aloud to no one, "The son of a bitch hung up on me."

Derek came up behind her and tapped her on the shoulder, "Now is that anyway for the woman who brings babies into the world to be speaking."

Addison grimaced as she shot him a look full of disdain, "Men. Do you know what that jerk Jake Emery did to me? He hung up on me, I just wanted to explain to him that there is no reason that he can't be a father and have his wife by his side but he hung up on me."

Derek sighed and nodded, "I just got finished speaking with her she's a lovely woman. I feel sorry for her and especially that she has to go through this alone, no one should face what she is about to by themselves."

Addison picked up the phone and started to dial when Derek pressed the dial tone button and took the receiver from her hand. " Addison, just relax. We'll get through to Mr. Emery and if we don't we'll be with her every step of the way."

Addison sighed in resignation, "Do you promise Derek? We can't let her go through this by herself."

Derek pulled her into his arms and she settled her head against his shoulder as he started rubbing her back, "I promise you Addison, she won't be alone. Never alone."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Izzie came up behind Alex and tapped him lightly on the shoulder, "Hey Karev, you got plans for lunch?"

Alex grimaced and shook his head, "Not since my recent status changed."

Izzie looped her arm through his as they walked to the cafeteria, "Recent status change? Did something happen last night that I don't know about?"

Alex scowled as they walked into line, "Shepherd and Addison were stuck in an elevator. He used the time to either mess with her head or get through to her."

Izzie picked up a tray for herself and handed one to him as she looked at him in confusion, "What do you mean mess with her head or get through to her? What is going on with you?"

Alex reached for his silverware and said, "Addison and I are taking a breather while she figures out her feelings for Derek Shepherd."

Izzie winced, "What? The no-sex rule didn't go over well."

Alex shook his head, "That didn't even come up. What did come up is that her feelings for Shepherd are unresolved and I'm not willing to share. I want all of her Izzie, and I don't want to have to share her with Shepherd. So I told her, pick one but I'm just worried that she might not pick me."

Izzie placed her order and then said, "So then why are you letting time pass? You need to still be demonstrating how good the two of you could be together. Don't let her forget how it was between the two of you before Shepherd decided to come back in the game. Let her know that she can still count on you for everything."

Alex smiled, feeling his heart lighten for a bit since making the painful decision of last night, "I think you just might be right Izzie and in thanks, lunch is on you."

Izzie rolled her eyes, "Cute, real cute."

Alex laughed and shrugged, "Hey you're the one with all the zeros in their bank account. Why wouldn't you pay?"

* * *

Thoughts, please:) 

No to much Addex but a bit of Addek which I'm setting up for a future chapter so don't get discouraged if it looks like  
I'm going in one direction or the other, I'm honestly stumped about who I want Addison to end with in this fic. I feel like  
just writing chapters indefinitely but that's not fair so I'll try not to procrastinate too much longer and think of a solution.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: **So here's another chapter. Let me know your thoughts please!

**Chapter 10**

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"I brought lunch."

Miranda, Callie and Addison looked up as Derek Shepherd placed a large, brown paper bag in the center of the table. Miranda eyed him curiously, "Where did you get it from?"

Addison smiled as she looked at Derek in question. Derek grinned and said, "I'm no idiot, I stick with what I know. The Chinese place down the street has really good lunch specials; I mainly guessed what everyone would like except for Addison. Yours is at the bottom of the bag."

Addison reached into the bag and pulled out her Styrofoam container as she handed out the food to her friends.

Miranda peeked in her box and smiled and nodded at Derek in approval, "Pepper steak with steamed rice, Good choice McJerk."

Callie nodded as she perused the bag and found her container of food, "Sweet and sour Shrimp, my favorite. Thanks McIdiot."

Derek grimaced at each 'Mc' name that was thrown his way but accepted the jabs good-naturedly as he reached for his container and said, "So can I sit down now?"

Miranda glared and with a wave of her hand granted him permission, "But only until we finish eating, then we must discuss what's going on in Addison's life."

Derek smiled and shook his head, "It's a deal."  
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&  
He had such a good time in the company of Addison and her friends as he and Addison fell into an easy banter as they revealed some of their Manhattan stories to their new friends. Miranda had stared at them in shock and Callie was too busy laughing as she shot out questions at each of their adventures that he didn't notice that time had flown by rather quickly.

It wasn't until Miranda cleared her throat and then motioned for him to leave that he realized he hadn't had felt more at peace and in a good mood that time had run past without him counting the minutes until he could leave like when he was with other people. He nodded and said, "Take good care of her ladies."

Dropping a kiss on her forehead he left the table as the conversation shifted back to the three remaining ladies at the table.

Miranda stared after Derek and then turned to Addison, "That's a side of Shepherd, that I didn't know existed."

Callie sighed and said, "We may have been wrong Addison, he genuinely seems happy to just _be_ in your presence."

Addison shook her head, "So now do you see? If he was being a jerk, this wouldn't be hard at all but he's not and he's really trying. This is the Derek, I fell in love with you know? He was this caring, funny, warm and loving man that made me the center of his world and somewhere along the way we lost our path to each other and now he wants to come back with me and I'm worried if I turn him down, I could be turning down my happiness."

Miranda sipped her ice tea, "And Alex? He couldn't possibly be your happiness?"

Addison shrugged, "He could be my happiness, or he could be what I've used all these months to 'get over' Derek. I don't want to think that I'm that confusing gratitude with love. I love being with Alex and everything is so much easier with him."

Callie looked up, "But do you want easy or do you want love? That's your problem, the one you need to figure out."  
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&  
Derek smiled to himself as he reminisced on his lunch with Addison when Mark came up behind him and patted him on the back, "So how goes everything in McMarrieds world?"

Derek turned around, "Mcwhat?"

Mark sighed in exasperation, "McMarrieds? You are trying to get back there right? You do want to be married to her again?"

Derek scowled at his question, "Of course I want to be married to her again but what does that have to do with the nickname?"

Mark laughed, "When you two are together, you are going to be so disgustingly sweet that I'll end up calling you the McMarrieds seeing as how you will both reconcile."

Derek rolled his eyes and said, "You have a crazy sense of humor you know that don't you?"

Mark shrugged, "That's what they tell me. So how are things going between the two of you seriously?"

Derek sighed as he opened the chart in front of him, "Things are going. I don't know how they are going and whether they are going good or bad but they are going. I'm still worried about what my next move should be, I don't want to crowd her but I don't want to let her think too much. When her brain starts working she's a force to be reckoned with."

Mark laughed, "Don't we know it? Listen, Izzie will probably be with Karev tonight, what so you come back to my house and we brainstorm over pizza and a game?"

Derek nodded, "It's a deal eight o'clock and you're buying." Derek walked off in the opposite direction before Mark had a chance to protest.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Addison leaned on the counter making notations in the charts of the patients she just got finished seeing when someone cleared their throat from behind her. She spun around quickly and looked at Alex standing there with a hopeful expression on his face.

She smiled warily, she didn't know what to expect from him after their last encounter and she was curious to see what would happen. "Alex, did you need me for something?"

Alex nodded, "I wanted to know if you had plans for dinner. We didn't really get to talk about what I had in store for us with the elevator and everything."

Addison checked her watch and said, "I have two more patients to check on and then I can go home. Would you like to wait and ride together or did you want to come later?"

Alex smiled softly, "Well seeing as I don't have a key anymore, why don't you call me when you get there."

Addison nodded and Alex started to walk off when Addison called him back and said, "You know Alex, you didn't have to give me back the key. If we are still going to be seeing each other than I think that you can have a key to my apartment, in fact I want you to have it."

She fumbled around in her lab coat until she pronounced said key and handed it back to him, "Alex, whatever happens between us, we were friends first don't forget that please."

Alex smiled as he palmed the key and nodded, he leaned close and kissed her on the cheek, "Addison, don't forget that the best friends make even better lovers. I'll see you at eight."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

" Addison?"

Addison pulled on her suit jacket and turned around to see who was calling her name. She nodded once when she saw who it was, "Derek, how can I help you?"

Derek walked up behind her and helped her put on her suit jacket and said "Alex came to see me last night. He cares about you."

Addison sighed as she searched her purse for her keys, "That is something I already knew, was there anything else?"

Derek placed a hand on her shoulder, "He told me he wants to fight for you and I told him that he should."

Addison had started walking down the hall when she heard his comment and spun around on her heel, "Let me get this straight, you want Alex to fight for me."

Derek nodded as he stared into her eyes and felt himself falling into those brown depths, "Yes, I want Alex to fight for you just like I intend to."

Addison screwed up her face and looked at him through slitted eyes, "Like having lunch today? That was you fighting for me?"

Derek shrugged and placed his hands in front of him, "I know it may not seem like much but in the end run when you realize that I'm here for you as a friend and a lover that you will want to be with me."

Addison dropped her bags and sat on the chair, "What if I want you to leave me alone? What if I want Alex to be the only man in my heart and you to be nothing more than a fleeting memory?"

Derek sat next to her and held out his hand and looked at her, "Is that what you really want Addison? Do you really want me to walk away from you without giving it another thought?"

Addison stared down at his outstretched hand and scowled, "You've done it before, why wouldn't you do it now? What's changed beside you eating those mushrooms?"

Derek smirked as he pulled her hand into his and intertwined their fingers, "Because the man in front of you knows what it feels like to live without you and it's not any fun. You know, I spoke to Nancy today."

Addison smiled softly, disconcerted by the quick change in subject, "How's Nancy?"

Derek grimaced, "She hates me and hopes I don't win you back."

Addison laughed aloud and said "I have to go but thanks for the laugh."

Derek nodded as he watched her go and cleared his throat and Addison turned around and smiled at him, "What are you thinking Derek?"

Derek stood up and walked over and pulled her into his arms and before kissing her whispered, "I was thinking," he pulled her face into his and kissed her until she felt her knees go weak and she held onto his shoulders for support. He pulled back and leaned against her forehead, "Addison, I know that things between us seem bleak at the moment but if that kiss was any indication of our feelings for each other than I think we may just make it at least I'm still betting on us."

Addison pulled away and felt the regret falling over her shoulders, "Alex was right, I can't keep doing this to both of you. You kiss me; I go weak in the knees. Alex looks at me and I want to be with him, what am I doing wrong? Why am I suddenly so indecisive?"

Addison stalked off even as Derek was calling after her worriedly.

* * *

I managed to fit both Addek/Addex into this chapter, next chapter I'm not sure who gets more screen time. Please review if you're still reading. I'm kinda losing  
steam after hearing about the possible spin-off and losing my Addison on Grey's. 


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: To make up for the lack of Addex, last chapter this is chocked full of Addex. We have angsty Addex, sexy Addex  
and aww! Addex. This will have to hold you over for a moment, because I have a drama coming down in the story that will  
be Addek centered even though Alex won't be far away. So without further adieu, here ya go.

So I'm trying to make a pact, every other day I try to update. Let me know your thoughts.

**Chapter 11**

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Addison stared at Alex across from the table and felt her heart beat loudly in her ears. She felt dirty and undeserving of the smile that he was bestowing upon her. He looked at her like she hung the moon and she couldn't even keep her lips away from people who she shouldn't be with.

Alex motioned to the menu, "What looks good to you?"

Addison shrugged, "I'm not really hungry. Just order something for me, you know what I like."

Alex nodded, "I do know what you like but it's only because you let me in, you let me inside of that mind of yours and your heart. It was one of the happiest times of my life, learning that you love chocolate and hate artichokes. It's just all of the little idiosyncrasies that make you, you."

Addison grimaced as she looked at her menu and then up at his eyes, "I don't deserve you Alex. I don't deserve you even trying to be with a mess like me. I thought I was over this, I thought he couldn't hurt me anymore but he's hurting you and its hurting me."

Alex sighed and reached out his hand to hers across the table, Addison stared at the hand in contemplation for a moment before making a decision. She reached out and cleared her throat, "Derek kissed me."

Alex squeezed her hand, and pulled back as he returned to perusing his menu, "Okay."

Addison shot him a look full of disbelief, "What do you mean okay?"

Alex laughed at her disbelieving look, "Addison, I kissed you this morning as well if you remember. I can't demand that I be allowed to kiss you and he can't, not if we are both trying to win your affections."

Addison bit her lip as she looked up at him, "I just imagined you more mad. Well at least the you that was in my head that was yelling at me all the way over here."

Alex chuckled, "Addison, I would've been more hurt if you didn't admit it to me. As weird as it sounds, that's one thing that's between us that I cherish, trust. You trust me and I can't see myself trusting another woman as much as I trust you. Derek Shepherd wants to win you just like I do so I have to accept that there will be times that he can be close to you."

Addison sipped on her water as she stared at him from the rim of her cup, "Who are you and what have you done with the cocky Alex Karev?"

Alex leaned back as he threw his menu down on the table, "Do you want me to admit that inside I'm seething with anger and I'm this close to dropping you off at home and go and breaking Derek's nose?"

Addison shook her head in negation, "I don't want that either but I feel like you should look at me like you are disappointed in me or something. I'm disappointed in myself because I'm not being fair to you, not after everything we've been through."

Alex looked at her with a sad smile, "What have we been through that compares to what you've been through with Shepherd? I know they weren't all bad times Addison, because if there were then you would have no problem making this decision, your heart is focusing on the good times with him and there were almost 15 years of good times."

Addison didn't try to stop the tears that had started rolling down her cheeks at his words, "What if I want to make 15 years of new memories with you?"

Alex smiled at her brilliantly, "Nothing would make me happier on this world but for some reason, I think that it won't happen. I think that you will still regret missing that opportunity with Shepherd if you turn your back on him now."

Addison shook her head, "But what if I'm missing my shot with you and it's the shot that I'm supposed to take? What then? Alex, I just don't want to make a wrong step which is why I feel out of my realm, I have you and Derek both staring at me wanting different things from me and I can't give either one of you a straight answer and its not right and its not fair and especially not when you told me you loved me."

Alex smirked, "Just forget I said it. Forget I told you I loved you Addison, it's better for everyone. Listen, I've suddenly lost my appetite can I drop you off at your house?"

Addison felt the bottom drop out of her stomach at the finality in his tone and nodded, "I think that would be best."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&  
"So, you kissed her, that's certainly progress."

Derek shook his head negatively as he reached for a pizza of supreme pizza and started inhaling the slice into his mouth, "I wish it was progress but each time I make a move towards intimacy she backs away from me like a scared rabbit and then starts with the self-recriminations and places the blame on my shoulders."

Mark groaned as he sipped from his beer and said, "So what? She's scared because of how things were between the two of you and she doesn't want to go back there. What did you expect?"

Derek shrugged, "I wouldn't know, each time we get close enough my head isn't doing the talking."

Mark looked at him in confusion, and then as he got the message screwed up his face and said, "Well certainly not the head on top of your shoulders. Look man, you have a fight on your hands and I don't know what Karev's strategy is but it seems to be working because each time that she looks like she's about to get close to you, something stops her. And I think that something is Alex. He has a hold on her and it's not one that you are going to be able to break easily."

Derek scowled, "I know, I had hoped that there was only sex between the two of them but there's a bond there and Bailey told me that Alex, Callie and her were the ones that pieced her back together after the divorce was final and she was devastated. That's a bond I can't touch and one that she's still respectful to."

Mark nodded, "So how goes trying to win over her friends? Did you get anywhere with Miranda and Callie?"

Derek looked up as he reached for another slice of pizza at the question and paused, "I don't know. I think they want to be whatever Addison wants them to be for me. If she needs them to hate me, they'll hate me but at times I see that they are starting to doubt that I'll hurt her again and try to let me in."

Mark checked his watch as he clicked on the television, "Enough of this soap opera drama, the game is about to start."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

The ride back to her apartment had been made in torturous silence with Addison staring out the window as the tears rolled down her face. She didn't want him to see how much it hurt that he said that it was better for everyone that he took away saying 'I love you'. Those three words had stirred something inside of her and she knew that she couldn't walk away from Alex Karev unscathed even if she did end up with Derek Shepherd. To hear him say that it was better for everyone that he hadn't said those words, hurt.

They hurt a lot.

Alex hadn't been doing much better for his part. He was busy thinking about how to repair the damage that his temper got him into tonight. He knew that Addison was confused and he had to admit he was confused himself and he was certainly not making it better by attacking her even if it was only verbally.

Addison was a sensitive woman that deserved better from him than some childish impulses that hurt the both of them. As they arrived at her apartment building and stepped into the elevator in silence he noticed that Addison was leaning against the opposite side of the elevator fearful of what he would say next.

He swore to himself and pulled her into his arms. Addison started sobbing as soon as she felt his arms settle against her waist. He buried his face in her hair with a sigh, "I'm sorry Addison."

It only made Addison cry harder as she clutched on to his shirt for comfort. He maneuvered her to her door and opened up the door with the key that he had just been re-given by Addison that day easily. As he stepped over the threshold into her apartment he faltered. Every time they ended up in her apartment, they always ended up in her bedroom naked and legs tangled in the bed sheets.

"Come on Addison, you're home." Alex had to physically tell his brain to remove his arms from around her otherwise he would've stayed like that the whole night standing up straight with her in his arms.

Addison nodded as she walked to the counter in the kitchen and swiped some tissues and started dabbing at her eyelids, "I'm sorry dinner didn't work out as planned. Did you want to order something here and we can just talk or….," Addison looked up at him hopefully but he shook his head, "I think its best if I just leave now."

Addison looked down not meeting his eyes as she uttered a soft, "Okay."

Alex sighed and said, " Addison, what's wrong? Isn't this what you want? No guilt, I don't love you and you still love Shepherd and this way everyone's happy."

Addison glared at him angrily, "Do you think I'm happy? Do I look happy? I called my broker this morning to tell him to buy stock for me in Kleenex because with the amount of tears I've been shedding these last couple of days I should at least be an investor in the company. I'm not pleased because this isn't easy. It should be everyone tells me it should be but it's not."

Alex sat down on the edge of the couch, "I'm not good at this Addison. I don't know how to be a sore loser, I don't even know how to be the man that will fight Derek Shepherd for you, I just know how to be me and if I'm not enough…."

Addison started crying as she flung herself into his arms and grabbed onto his neck. She cradled his face in her hands as she started pressing insistent kisses on his lips, "I don't want you to be anything more than what you are Alex, please don't feel you need to change for me. I'm not asking that of you, I wouldn't ask that of you."

Alex smiled as he opened his mouth more fully under hers to receive her kisses and cradled her in his arms as he lowered the both of them down to the couch. Addison reached for the buttons on his shirt and started ripping them apart when Alex exhaled through his teeth slowly and then pulled back and stepped away from her and the couch.

Addison looked at him in question, "Alex, what's wrong?"

Alex shook his head, " Addison, we can't do this. This is wrong; there are too many things up in the air. I think its better for everyone involved that until you figure out your feelings for the both of us that you don't sleep with me or Derek."

Addison nodded, that wouldn't be fair if she kept having sex with Alex while her heart yearned for Derek or even vice-versa, "I'm sorry Alex. I've never been in this position before, and I know there's not a rulebook out there so I'm trying to handle each issue as they come up and I don't think I'm doing a good job of making sure no one gets hurt."

Alex smirked at her, "If you find that rulebook let me know because I need to go shoot the author. Listen, I'll see you in the morning okay?"

Addison stood up and said, "Stay Alex. Listen, I know you said that we shouldn't sleep together and that's fine but that doesn't mean you can't hold me right? I need for tonight, for you to just hold me. Just let me know that I'm not alone please."

Alex sighed as he pulled her into his arms, "Okay Addison, but just for tonight. I only have the willpower for one night before if this gets to be a habit, I may not be able to restrain myself."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Next Morning

Addison rolled over in bed with a smile on her face as she stretched her arms and reached for what had been her pillow last night but was shocked to find the bed empty.

Her eyes flew open as she checked the bed for signs that he was still here but she only saw a note that fluttered to the floor in her frantic searching.

_Addison_

_I had to go to the hospital. See you there. _

_Love, _

_Alex _

Addison sighed in disappointment as she got out of bed and walked into the living room to start her morning.

* * *

Thoughts, please! Thanks EP! 


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Heavy on the Addek, low on the Addex but I'm setting it up that way for a future plot motion.

Yea so umm, I had tried to do the every other day thing, but kinda too much pressure...I'm forced to write more! gasp! I'll try to update  
again this weekend or early next week but no promises!

**Chapter 12**

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Alex looked up as Izzie came over next to him with a yawn, "Where were you? I waited for an hour for you; I wanted details on your date with Montgomery."

Alex looked down and swore, "I'm sorry Izzie. I completely forgot what happened and to call you."

Izzie smiled, "So then I take it that everything went well?"

Alex shook his head, "It started off going well until Addison told me that Derek kissed her and that she was feeling guilty and then I said some things and she said some things and she ended up crying. I took her back to her apartment and we were kissing…"

Izzie held up her hand in protest, "Is this about to cross the line from friendly conversation to XXX ratings?"

Alex chuckled at her disgusted expression, "You don't have to worry, I'm not about to singe your virgin ears. Before we got too involved, I stopped her and told her that the best thing would be for her to hold off sex with either Derek or me, she was kinda upset but she understood. When I was leaving she asked me to stay and just hold her through the night."

Izzie sighed and said, "That sounds romantic but why are you here so early then? Didn't you want to wait for her to wake up and then get dressed together and come here like the happy couple?"

Alex snorted as he reached for his coat and turned to her, "Holding her in my arms last night was great Izzie but it was just one night. When I woke up, the reality of our situation hit me in the face, and I didn't want to be there when she woke up and looked at me with that look in her eyes. That look that says that I'm sorry that I can't give you an answer to what you're feeling for me until I sort out my own feelings. I couldn't face those feelings just yet so I crawled out of her bed like a coward and rushed over here to talk this over with you."

Izzie clapped him on the back, "Come on, I'll buy you breakfast."

Alex grimaced, "I guess that counts for something then?"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Addison heard the knock at the door and checked her watch. It was too late for Alex to have come back so she didn't know who was at the door. She was almost ready for work with the exception of combing through her hair.

She ran to the door and peered through the peephole and saw the face of her ex-husband. Derek was staring back at her through the peephole with an expectant look. She was hesitant but she opened the door anyway as he stared at her through questioning eyes, "Aren't you going to invite me or do I have to beg?"

Addison rolled her eyes as she looked at the bags he was carrying and smiled, "It depends, what's in the bags?"

Derek shook his head, "Not going to tell you, until you invite me in."

Addison stepped back and allowed him entry into her apartment and closed the door. She didn't know why but she suddenly felt like she was allowing the wolf entry into her secret lair.

She watched as he efficiently placed all of the bags on the table and started taking out items from the bags as he made a plate and then turned around and handed her a paper plate full of her favorite breakfast items.

Derek handed it to her and then turned back to the bags and created a similar plate for himself. Addison sighed as she looked down at the plate and smiled, "Do you want some juice Derek?"

Derek grinned and nodded, "See who says that exes can't have an amicable relationship?"

Addison rolled her eyes as she placed her plate on the table and then created two glasses of juice and handed him one while she sipped out of the other and sat down at the table.

Derek started eating as his eyes started searching the apartment and Addison caught his eyes as he did the last of the searching and met her with a smile, "What?"

Addison shrugged as she ate as well and said, "That's what I'd like to know as well. What's going on? Is there something wrong?"

Derek shook his head as he turned back to the plate, "I was just admiring your apartment. It is so you, it is exactly where I pictured that you would be."

Addison smiled, "Yea, I like it here. It's cozy and the furniture Miranda and Callie helped me pick out. We took off one Friday and drove up town and searched through all the old antique shops until I found exactly what I wanted."

Derek smiled as he looked at the animation that came to her face as she described how her apartment came to be, "I guess you're wondering what I'm doing here?"

Addison shrugged and said, "With you lately Shepherd, I've learned to expect the unexpected. I think you are going to do one thing and you do the other."

Derek chuckled and said, "Same could be said for you Montgomery, we take two steps closer and I end feeling like we are just two steps back. I don't get it."

Addison stood up as she put off the plate she quickly polished in the trash and turned to him, "Derek, what is there to get? I don't trust you yet, I don't trust your feelings, I don't trust your intentions, and to be truthful, I just don't trust you. It's hard because my heart is telling me to give into my feelings for you whatever they may be but my brain is stronger. Its telling me that I've already suffered so much at your hands that I'm not prepared to go back there again."

Derek stood up and handed her his plate and said, "Each time we kiss I feel you hold yourself back from me and all I want is a chance to feel you in my arms and know that there is nothing that can keep us apart."

Addison sighed as she walked towards the door and said, "Derek, give me time."

Derek nodded and said, "I really don't have any other choice do I?"

Addison shook her head as she pulled on her coat, "No, I guess you don't. Listen, I'll see you at the hospital, I still need to do something with my hair and tidy up a bit before I go to the hospital."

Derek checked his watch, "I don't have any surgeries on the schedule, I'll wait for you and we can ride together?"

Addison looked at him in disbelief, "Are you sure? You always used to hate how long I would take, you would whine…."

Derek grinned as he pressed a kiss to her cheek and then maneuvered her to her bedroom, "Go, I'll be here when you get back, I promise."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Miranda looked up at felt her mouth fall open in shock at the sight in front of her eyes. Derek and Addison were walking in together, Derek had his hand around Addison's waist and was sporting the biggest grin that she had ever seen on him and she was looking up at him with such a sense of contentment was the only word that Miranda found that could describe what she saw. She looked happy and Derek Shepherd was the cause, it astounded and saddened her at the same time. She only wanted the best for her friend but she was afraid that with Derek she would never get the best out of him even though from his own happy face it was obvious that he was trying.

Addison smiled at her friend and said, "Derek was just telling me about what his patient told him. Hey Derek, tell her the joke."

As Derek turned to Miranda and launched into his story, Addison reminisced on the ride to work which had felt so similar to the times they would ride in together as a married couple that for a moment she almost forgot. She forgot that they were no longer man and wife and she had no hold over him marriage or even relationship wise. It was just times like riding with him in the car on the way to work that she could see how it would be if they got married again and she wasn't completely abhorrent of the idea. She had started to feel guilty but remembering Alex's words she had decided to trust Derek Shepherd. She knew instinctively that she wasn't ready for him to have her heart again, no that organ she was still guarding selfishly until she came to a decision that would be permanent and then she would hand over her heart without reservation.

Miranda cracked a smile at the anecdote even though she didn't understand what was so hilarious and then looked on her friend who was obviously away from their minds and was focusing on something that she couldn't possibly comprehend.

She cleared her throat and said, " Addison, there's a visitor in the lobby for you. It's Jake Emery. He says he needs to speak with you about his wife's case."

Addison sent a beaming smile to Derek and he felt his heart stop at the sight. He never thought he would see the smile on Addison's face again but there she was shining a smile at him. He leaned in and kissed her briefly on the lips, "I have to check in on another patient but I'll come back later and meet with Mr. Emery. He must want to discuss Corrine's case with us, see I told you he would come around." What Derek didn't tell Addison was that he had called Mr. Emery and spoke to his answering machine and let him know that the prognosis was very good for both his wife and child.

Addison nodded and watched as Derek started walking off but he faltered in his steps, he turned around and looked at her with a smile and said, "I love you Addison."

Addison opened her mouth to respond when he sped off without another comment.

* * *

Note: So no Addex in this chapter just Addek but the next chapter is more Addex/Addison centric and then we  
get into the plot that kept me up at night writing. I was feeling a drama to put an end to all the pettiness between  
Alex/Derek for a moment so, Addison is put into a situation that requires Alex/Derek to work together. Excited?  
I know I was! 

Also, people have asked if I know who Addison will end up with, the answer the question is NO! I wish  
I did but as I type more and more, I have her see-sawing between the two men and its not for lack of trying  
to make a decision but I wanted to sorta put them on equal footing before Addison makes her decision. So while,  
the next couple of chapters may appear to be heavy on Addek and lite on Addex it's only because when the time  
comes (haven't decided when yet), Addison doesn't pick Derek or Alex based upon past actions. They have both 'been'  
there for her and she decides with her heart. So keep telling me who you think should get her, I've gotten some Addek  
fans to accept Addex as a possiblity and vice versa so I'm hoping by the time the last chapter is fleshed out, everyone  
will be in agreement (pipe dream I know) but a girl can dream right?


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: So here we go...again! Hmm, thoughts! Okay, I hear my Addex and  
Addek fans loud and clear and I'm running hiding into the hills until I come  
up with a plan to pacify you all:)

**Chapter 13**

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Mr. Emery? I'm Dr. Montgomery; I'm in charge of ensuring that your wife is able to bring your baby to term even within her current state."

She felt a chill run up her spine as he took her hand in his own and she felt like someone was telling her that something was wrong but she pushed the thought to the back of her mind as she shook her head and focused on the man in front of her.

"Dr. Montgomery, Corrine told me about how nice you were to her and she was excited and thought that between you and Dr. Shepherd, that you would be able to save my wife and child."

Addison nodded, "That's our hope."

Jake looked past her shoulders and said, "And Dr. Shepherd? I was told that he works here as well, where is he?"

Addison shook off the amount of insistence on his part for her and Derek to appear as she checked her watch, "I just left Dr. Shepherd; he has a patient and should be joining us shortly if you want to follow me we can go to your wife's room."

Jake nodded as he started to follow her taking note of the pretty redhead who was staring at him uneasily. She looked up as another young handsome doctor stopped in front of her with a smile. Jake didn't know who he was but he wasn't prepared to let anything mess with the plan he had in store. Jake grabbed her to him as he pressed the gun that he had hidden in his coat pocket into her spine. "It's not a hope that you are going to save Corrine and my child Dr. Montgomery, it's about to become a reality otherwise I'm going to kill you just like you are going to do to my wife and child."  
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

It was always the days like this that made him regret being a doctor, the days where he had to tell a patient that their loved one wasn't going to live to see another year. How do you ever prepare yourself to even open your mouth and say that there was a disease or any impediment that prevented a person from living a healthy life? He was currently with one such patient and after he watched the husband and wife cradle each other as they sobbed out their injustice he felt even more moved to be with Addison.

The last couple of days in between her volleying back and forth between him and Alex made him realize just what he had been about to give up, and what he could still very well lose.

Addison.

He now knew that she was his reason, the reason for being a better man. The reason to be a better husband and better doctor even and he was determined to make himself worthy of her. She made him want to rise above himself and become whatever she needed and he felt that they were back where they once were.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't see that Richard and Mark were descending upon him with fear in their eyes.

Derek turned around in question, "Richard, Mark what's going on why the long faces?"

Richard exhaled as he turned to Mark as they both internally debated on how to break the news to Derek. It wasn't going to be easy, "Derek, its Addison."

Derek looked between the both of them and started running in the direction of the neonatal ward. Richard sent Mark after him who barely caught up with him. He grabbed his lab coat and tried to pull him back but was met with a punch to the jaw instead.

Mark groaned in pain as he reached for Derek again, and this time was prepared for the punch and caught it and said, "Derek, calm down, this won't help Addison. In fact, it won't help anyone and it's just not the time."

Derek exhaled and said, "What the hell happened Mark?"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

**_Fifteen Minutes Earlier_**

"Addison, what's going on here?"

Addison jerked in surprise at the gun that was suddenly pressed into her side and shook her head, she didn't want anyone to lose their life so she shook her head as Alex tried to read her eyes but she looked down. She knew if she looked into his eyes her cover would be blown and the lives of Alex and others could be in danger.

Addison cleared her throat and tried for a normal voice, "Nothing, I'm just taking Mr. Emery to his wife's room."

Alex nodded but not believing said, "Well, why don't I walk with you? There's something I wanted to discuss with you anyway."

Addison flinched as the gun was pressed harder into her side as Jake expressed his displeasure at the idea and she shook her head, "No Dr. Karev, that won't be necessary, I am certainly capable to escort a patient's husband to her room on my own."

Alex was almost convinced but then realized she was using her best bitch voice to hide something, her fear. Alex reached for her hand at the exact moment that Jake transferred the gun from her side to pressing into her temple as he dragged her body against his chest like a shield.

Alex swore as he looked at the man in front of him. The man who before had seemed normal but was now holding the gun to the woman he loved, he now considered him a madman and he only wanted him away from Addison and away from her now. "Look man, you have no problem here, just walk away and we can all forget this ever happened. No one has to know that you entered this facility with a gun."

Addison closed her eyes and cursed herself for not being more religious because if she thought it would help she would pray at this moment, "Jake, this isn't necessary we can save Corrine's life. We can save her life and that of your child and all of you can go home and be with Mandy like one big family."

Jake cocked the gun as he pressed the gun against her forehead and said, "Do you think I'm stupid enough to believe anything you doctors' say? Get out of my way, I don't know why you weren't picking up on her signals but this gun will make sure you do. Before you go get Dr. Shepherd to my wife's room, he has fifteen minutes otherwise I start shooting and I won't stop. I've got nothing to lose."

Alex watched in horror as Jake disappeared down the hall with the woman that he loved shielding him as he walked through the hospital.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"This can't be happening Richard. I just talked to the man over the phone yesterday."

Richard scowled as he started pacing back and forth and said, "How the hell did he get into my hospital without security knowing he was armed? What does he want with Addison?"

Derek looked down and stared at his shaking hand, "Addison is his wife's doctor. She is pregnant and was recently diagnosed with a tumor that is pressing on her optic nerve. He had been a big advocate of her aborting the pregnancy and focusing on her health but his wife was obstinate and stated that she was carrying the child to term. I didn't get all the facts of the case but from what I could perceive, he lost his first wife and doesn't want to lose his second. Richard, I can't sit here doing nothing, we have to do something."

Richard excused himself to talk to the police who were making his office their makeshift office as they discussed a game plan to flush out the intruder and rescue the hostage, who was also like a surrogate daughter for him.

Mark put a calming arm on his shoulder and Derek turned to him with a scowl, "You shouldn't have stopped me, I would've already had my arms around his neck if you didn't stop me."

Mark rolled his eyes, "Ever the renegade aren't you Derek? Don't forget that there are more people's lives on the line than just Addison. What would you have done if you went into that room and he had taken more people hostage?"

Derek stood up as he exhaled sharply, "Addison's life is the only one that matters to me and right now her life is in the hands of a madman and I can't do anything to help her."

The detective at Richard's side looked up and said, "Actually you may be able to help after all."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Addison was grateful that before she had come to meet Mr. Emery, she had instructed the nurses to continue to apply a mild sedative and relaxant to Corrine Emery during the night. She was pleased to note that she was still sleeping and maybe she still had a chance to turn this around before anyone got hurt.

Addison stood at her bed as she tried to check her vital signs and monitor everything as normally as possible considering she had a gun trained on her every movement. She turned and said, "She's only sleep for a little while longer and you still have time. If she wakes up now, she won't remember any of this and she won't have to live with this guilt hanging over her head. It's not fair to her and it's not fair to your daughter Mandy."

Jake scowled as he looked at the petite, redhead who was struggling to keep her composure, "What do you know about my family Dr. Montgomery? You doctors with you fancy last names and big cars and even bigger bank accounts don't care about Corrine. You don't care about my daughter Mandy; all you care about is meeting your quota. Well, I already lost one wife that way and I'm not going to lose Corrine. After I lost Beth, I thought I would never love again but Corrine came along and brightened my life with her sunshine and now there's something that could take her away and all you doctors want to do is cut and cut on her with no regard that she may never wake up."

Addison exhaled softly and sat down in front of him even while the gun followed her every move, "Mr. Emery? Jake, listen Jake I know it was hard on you losing your first wife but Corrine is completely different from what happened to Beth, that won't happen here."

Jake nodded, "Your damn right it won't happen because me and my gun are going to ensure that you and Dr. Shepherd do your job right the first time. Because if you don't this gun will end your life."

Addison bit her lip as she tried to think of what she could do to ensure that Derek wouldn't be involved in this, "Why do you need Derek? I can deliver the baby by myself."

Jake scowled, "You think I'm stupid don't you? For your information, Dr. Shepherd called me and told me he was the neurosurgeon assigned to Corrine's case and he was going to be the one removing the tumor. He told me that the surgery was scheduled for today and that he thought I should be here to be Corrine's support."

Addison cursed and praised Derek in her mind. She knew that he was as touched as she had been at the pain in Corrine's eyes and had been moved to call. So there was no way out other than involving Derek with this madman. She motioned to the gun, "You call this support?"

Jake rolled his eyes, "Do you know that my first wife Beth was diagnosed with cancer when Mandy was only 2 years old? Back then, I had a lot of trust in the medical community…I mean how could I not? I was only a poor country hick who grew up without knowledge of anything but knew I was good with my hands so naturally I ended up as a mechanic. Beth told me the night that Mandy was walking across my legs that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer, but she was so tranquil about the whole thing. You see Beth was the type of woman, that didn't let anything get to her and she wasn't worried when she found out she had cancer because the doctor had calmed all of her fears she said that because they caught the cancer early that there was no reason for concern and that they would have to do a mastectomy on the affected breast."

Addison felt the stirrings of fear as he continued his story, "What happened Jake? I think the gun pointed at me allows me the right to call you Jake."

Jake looked up at her and felt a smirk come to his lips, "I guess it does Dr. Montgomery, I guess it does. Well Beth, went into the hospital one Friday and came out the next week and the doctors were hopeful, they told me that they got all the cancer cells and that Beth could go on and lead a normal life. What I didn't know and what no one knew was that Beth was continually getting worse. I didn't understand so I insisted that we go to the doctor and see what the hell happened. They tried to make Beth believe that it was all in her head, she was losing weight it was in her head, she had no appetite it was in her head. She dropped 80 pounds in 2 months it was in her head."

Addison felt the nausea stir in her stomach as she feared the next sentence that came out of his mouth. He was obviously unstable as he was telling his story the gun waved around precariously in his hand. She was hesitant to open her mouth but knew she had to ask, "What happened to Beth Jake?"

Jake looked up and said, "They got the wrong one. They performed the mastectomy on the wrong breast and by the time that the doctors realized their error it was too late because the cancer had spread to her bones. She was in pain for the last six months of her life. Beth, a woman, who had never caused an ounce of pain in her whole life, was killed by the same people who took a vow to save her life."

Addison started crying openly, crying for Beth, Jake, Corrine and Mandy who wouldn't get to see her mother grow up, "That is a horrible story Jake and I'm so sorry that it happened to you but that is _not_ going to happen to Corrine. Dr. Shepherd and I are the best at what we do; we won't let that happen to Corrine."

Jake pointed the gun back at her and said, "And that's what I'm here to ensure."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Derek slipped out of the conference room unnoticed as he started running down the hall. The detectives wanted him to get the phone number of the hospital room and start filling them in on details about Jake Emery so they could start negotiating with this madman. His whole world was at the mercy of a madman and they wanted to discuss options to rescue her, and as far as he was concerned that wasn't an option.

Derek was not going to wait to listen to his laundry list of demands to find out what the hell he wanted so that he would leave Addison alone. He looked up as Alex came his way, "Shepherd? Why the hell aren't you in there with Addison?"

Derek looked at him in confusion and said, "What are you talking about? Richard called me into his office and said that some madman has Addison under hostage."

Alex grimaced, "Yea I know that but this madman wants you and Addison. He says you only have fifteen minutes and then he was going to start shooting."

Derek scowled as he started running and checked his watch as he called over his shoulder, "What time was that?"

Derek and Alex ran until they stood in front of Corrine Emery's hospital room and stopped. Derek turned to Alex in question who opened his mouth to say fifteen minutes ago when they heard a shot fired.

* * *

Thoughts, please. It was really hard to write character backgrounds on both Jake and Corrine, so let me know  
how you think I did? Suspense, just a little? 


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:** Dude, so don't ask where this idea came to my head from but I'm typing it as I go. So we'll see!

**Chapter 14**

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&  
**_Last Time..._**

_Alex grimaced, "Yea I know that but this madman wants you and Addison. He says you only have fifteen minutes and then he was going to start shooting."_

_Derek scowled as he started running and checked his watch as he called over his shoulder, "What time was that?"_

_Derek and Alex ran until they stood in front of Corrine Emery's hospital room and stopped. Derek turned to Alex in question who opened his mouth to say fifteen minutes ago when they heard a shot fired._  
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Addison pressed the towel down the wound in her leg. The bleeding wouldn't stop and she was afraid that the bullet had done more than nick an artery. She looked to the bed and saw that Corrine was still asleep. She was going to have to check out the prescription that she had given Corrine because it obviously prompted sleep even while under crisis.

_Flashback _

_"Jake, even if you want to ensure that Corrine gets the best care, coming in the hospital with guns ablaze is not the way to achieve that. Corrine needs your love and support not your rage and anger." _

Jake waved the gun in her face, "What do you know about my love for Corrine? You don't even know us and you don't know about my anger. You don't know what it feels like to hold the love of your life in your arms and watch as they slowly drift away from you. Day after day, month after month Beth was slowly being eaten alive by the cancer that was infesting in her body, a cancer that if the doctors had operated on correctly, she would've never died and she wouldn't have to suffer. You don't know about that kind of rage, you couldn't possibly."

_Addison flinched at the anger in his tone, "So what do you hope to accomplish today Jake? What do you want to happen here? Do you want Derek and me to operate on Corrine at gunpoint, because if you want that then you should know that is not going to happen. We won't operate under these conditions." _

Jake looked at her, "Derek? Is that Dr. Shepherd? So you two are more than just colleagues I take it."

Addison sighed as she reminisced that this morning her only fear had been the love triangle currently taking the center stage in her life. "Dr. Shepherd is my ex-husband and a very close friend of mine."

_Jake scowled, "That's the problem with you uppity people, if you get tired of something you just get rid of it. What happened to love forever and the vows that were made in better and worse? You completely forget about that when you find something else that catches your fancy don't you? Why did you two divorce anyway?" _

_Addison looked down as she felt the tears well in her eyes, if he only knew. If he only knew. Addison looked at the clock behind him and held her breath as she waited for Corrine to awaken or Derek to come in and see what was going on. Either way this wasn't going to end up nice. _

_"Jake, let me go please." _

_Jake shook his head as he turned to the bed and focused on Corrine's sleeping body. He was so entranced by the sight of her breathing that he stood at her side and the gun fell loosely to his side. Addison decided that her best chance for escape was then and she had run to the door when the sound of the gun emptying from its chamber had her screaming in fear. It wasn't until moments later that she realized that she was screaming because she had been shot, shot in the leg. The shot had crippled her as she fell to the ground as her leg started gushing blood._

_End of Flashback_

Jake yanked her up and Addison screamed at the pain in her leg as the door flew open and Alex and Derek stood there like her fierce protectors. Addison couldn't meet their eyes for fear that she would betray the amount of terror she was feeling at the moment. Derek stepped into the room as Jake trained the gun back on him as he cradled her harshly against his chest, "Which one of you is Shepherd?"

Alex opened his mouth to offer up himself when Jake shook his head and pointed the gun at Alex, "Never mind, you are Karev. I remember her saying that was your name. You leave and close the door behind you or I finish the job."

Alex stared at Addison who had tears streaking down her face and backed up out of the room and closed the door behind him leaving Addison and Derek alone with the madman.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Derek looked at Addison's tear streaked face and thought he had never seen anything more beautiful than the sight of her alive.

"Addison honey, are you okay?"

Jake looked at him in doubt and turned to Addison in question who was busying trying to handle the bullet wound to her leg, "I thought you told me that you two were divorced."

Addison grimaced as she bit out, "We are divorced."

Jake looked back at him in disbelief, "You were the one I spoke to on the phone right?"

Derek walked over to Addison and bent down in front of her and looked at the towel that had once been stark white was now a hideous, blood red….Blood, life's blood….Addison's life blood. He started to remove the towel when he heard the gun cock and he looked up and the gun pointed at his forehead and saw that Addison had noticed the gun too and was openly weeping.

He grasped her hand in his own and looked at Jake as he felt a renewed strength from the hold she had on his hand, "I'm Dr. Shepherd, that's correct."

Jake nodded, "Good, we are going to be performing surgery after all. Dr. Montgomery here will be your assistant."

Derek shook his head vehemently, "Absolutely not. Addison has just been shot and you have a gun pointed on me like a madman, the last thing I'm doing is operating on your wife today."

Jake walked over and pressed the gun into her temple and said, "I think we work better when you agree to everything I say otherwise this pretty woman that you still call honey won't just be sporting a bullet in the leg she'll have a matching one in the head as well."

Derek nodded, "Okay fine. We'll operate but on a condition."

Jake smirked, "I'm the one with the gun pressed into your wife's temple, I don't think you are in a position to make demands do you?"

Derek crossed his arms, "Look Jake, I don't know what is causing you to take such drastic measures and I'm sure you think you have your reasons but Addison is bleeding and she is the only one that can save your child's life. Even if I do operate and remove the tumor, Addison will need to be alive to monitor the baby and I won't operate unless she's been taken care of."

Jake grimaced and then nodded, "Fine, who do you want to help Dr. Montgomery?"

Derek sighed resigned and said, "I want Miranda Bailey."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Miranda shook her head as her hospital; _her_ hospital was turned into a chaotic mess. She knew that it must have been like this when the hospital was under Code Black but this seemed worse because from the reports she heard Addison, one of her best friends and Derek, the idiot who she thought of like another brother who she could take or leave were stuck in the room with a patient and the madman who was threatening to shoot them if they didn't comply.

Richard ran up to her and said, "Miranda, we need your help. Derek ran into Addison's room against my better judgment and now Addison is hurt and Derek is trying to negotiate with a madman. The hostage negotiators tried calling but Emery apparently ripped the phone out of the wall. There is no way to communicate with him and we don't know his demands."

Miranda nodded as she digested that information, "What can I do chief?"

Richard sighed, "I know it's not fair of Derek to ask and you certainly don't have to go but I wanted you to know. Addison has been shot and Emery is insisting that we do surgery on his wife now. Derek told him that he wasn't doing the surgery until Addison got medical attention and he suggested your name."

Miranda exhaled sharply as she slid down the wall, " Addison? Shot? I don't have another choice, do I chief?"

Richard shook his head, "You always have another choice Miranda. We can get any of other doctors who don't have a husband and newborn son to contend with to go in the room and attend to Addison and help Derek."

Miranda closed her eyes as she put her face in her hands, "But no one else cares about Addison like I do. I don't have a choice chief, I'm going in. Tell me what I need to do."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Alex? Alex?"

Alex stopped pacing as he looked up at Izzie who had been staring at him worriedly for the last five minutes.

"Alex, please stop. Everyone is worried and your pacing doesn't help."

Alex stopped briefly and scowled, "What do you expect me to do? Addison is in there with a madman with a gun and Derek Shepherd just walked in the room where I need to be, and where my heart is at. Addison was shot Izzie, she was _shot_."

Izzie flinched and nodded, "I know and even though she wasn't always my favorite person, I don't envy her but she will be fine Alex, you have to believe that."

Alex exhaled sharply as he sat on the floor next to her, "I believe it Izzie but this isn't fair. The last thing I said to her was written in a note I left laying on her bed. I didn't get to hold her; I didn't get to tell her how much I loved her or even how happy I was that she was in my life. The last thing I did was something to ensure that I didn't end up hurt and now her life hangs in the balance and I can't do anything about it. I hate feeling this helpless Izzie, it makes me feel completely incompetent."

Izzie pulled him into her arms and rocked him back and forth as the worrying sobs wracked his body.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Miranda exhaled a deep breath as she entered the room and looked at Derek cradling a heavily bleeding Addison in his arms and the man she had only be told was called Jake Emery held a gun on her.

Miranda tried to focus on the task at hand which was ensuring that Addison received the best medical care possible. She walked over and bent down in front of Derek and Addison and looked at her and turned to Derek and said, "How much blood has she lost?"

Derek grimaced and spoke softly, "Three towels worth."

Miranda flinched, "Derek we need to transfuse, if we don't she'll die."

Derek turned to Jake, "You heard her, and she's one of the best. Let Addison go and you and I can go down to the ER and I'll operate on Corrine, you don't need Addison for that."

Jake ignored him and turned to Miranda, "Just patch her up as best you can."

He turned to Derek and said, "I never told you that I was going to let her go, she's my insurance policy. For some reason, I believe that she's important to you even though you are divorced. I want her here at all times to remind you for what you're fighting for."

Derek scowled as he looked down at Miranda who was trying to contain the bleeding as best as she could while trying to cleanse the wound. Miranda looked at her friend Addison who was drifting in and out of consciousness, she squeezed her hand and said, "I'm right here Addison. Don't worry; nothing is going to happen to you."

Jake groaned, "Are all of you friends here? I can't find two doctors here who hate each others guts?"

Derek checked his watch, "I need to prep an OR if I'm going to operate, Miranda can assist me unless you have another idea."

Jake shrugged, "That will be fine with me. I'll take Addison along with us for the ride and don't mistake Shepherd. This doesn't mean anything; I can still shoot a bullet into Dr. Montgomery at anytime I choose."

Miranda scowled as she looked up and said, "Why are you doing this?"

Addison gripped her hand softly as Miranda poked in her leg and wrapped some gauze around the bleeding wound and said, "Wife….died….doctors."

Miranda nodded as she looked at him, "So what happened to your first wife Mr. Emery?"

Jake rolled his eyes, "If we are going to be in close proximity for the next couple of hours, the least you can do is call me by my first name, Jake. My name is Jake Emery and you can tell all those cops and reporters who are probably swarming the hospital that I'm just a man that wants a little justice when it comes to their loved one receiving healthcare. My first wife died because of the negligence of doctors and I'm not prepared to lose Corrine and my child to these doctors."

Derek exhaled a sharp breath and said, "Miranda, can you call and have them setup an ER? I'll stay here and make sure that Addison is okay and that Corrine's vital signs are in good order. She already had a mild sedative or that's what I could piece together from Addison."

Miranda nodded as she looked at Jake, "Can I go or will you shoot me in the back?" Even with a gun staring her down in the face she couldn't stop herself from speaking bluntly, not when her best friend was on the floor bleeding profusely from a wound that she wasn't be allowed to properly attend to.

Jake nodded, "Go on Dr. Bailey but don't come back late, I don't like to be kept waiting."

* * *

Hopefully I explain the reason that Alex isn't in there with her in this chapter  
otherwise, I think both of the guys would be there. Thoughts, please! 


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Next chapter (after this one), Addex is in the next couple of chapters since we've been heavy on the Addek. Also, there was  
a specific reason that I kept Alex out of the room (Addex fans are going to love it). Also if you haven't seen the outtakes of Grey's  
Season 2 DVD, there's an Addek moment mentioned here that might not make alot of sense. Let me know and I'll send you the link  
to the video on YouTube if you want to see it.

**Chapter 15**

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Alex had moved into the room with Richard and the hostage negotiators as he waited on bated breath for any word on Addison's condition. He didn't want to blink because every time he closed his eyes all he saw was Addison's face staring at him in fear with tears falling down her cheeks and for a woman like Addison Montgomery crying wasn't something you did; you had too much pride to allow your fear to be shown.

She had always told him that the way to control her emotions was to show no fear, she could breakdown in private and did but in front of everyone she sported a brave face. It was that attribute of hers that he admired and had made him fall in love with her.

Richard cleared his throat and said, "Karev, what are you doing here?"

Alex stared at the chief and wondered what was going through his mind. When he and Addison had started dating he had been upfront with Dr. Webber, because Addison had been insistent about it. Richard had nodded and given them his blessing but the moment that Addison left the room he turned to him and laid out the facts…

_Flashback _

_"Karev. You're a cocky son of a bitch and I don't like you much, but for some reason Addison sees something in you, something worth fighting for. She saw that same thing in a young intern named Derek Shepherd so I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt, but don't hurt her, she's been through enough. Derek Shepherd really did a number on her heart and her self esteem and the last thing she need is a playboy who is only out for a good time." _

Alex flinched at the fatherly warning injected into his voice and nodded, "I understand Dr. Webber and for the record, I have no intention of hurting Addison ever."

End of Flashback

"Dr. Webber, you know that I can't just sit here with my hands tied. What is going on in there?"

Richard clapped him on the back and said, "Derek and Dr. Bailey are in there with Mr. Emery, his wife and Addison. Addison is bleeding profusely from a leg wound and Miranda says that if she doesn't get transfused within the next hour, she'll die."

Alex felt the shaking start in his legs as it became too much of a hardship for him to stand and he slid down the wall and onto the floor.

Richard grimaced as he stared down at the young intern, he had always been wary of Alex's true feelings for Addison but as he looked at the shattered man on the floor, he amended his thoughts and felt pity for the man on the floor who was so obviously in love with Addison.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Addison? Addison, talk to me." Miranda gently shook Addison's arm as she stared at her friend who was becoming paler by the second as Derek stared over at the two of them.

They had wheeled themselves into a guarded surgery bay as all of Seattle Grace watched in horror as three of their top attending's were being held hostage by a madman and one of their own was dying right in front of their eyes. Derek was now working on removing the tumor from Corrine Emery's brain while engaging Addison in conversation to ensure that she was still conscious and remained that way.

Derek turned to Mirada and said, "Miranda, what's going on? Addison?"

Miranda shook Addison again hesitant to shake her too much but knew that if Derek didn't hear a response from Addison within the next five seconds, he was liable to walk over and check on her forgetting that they were still being held hostage by a madman who hadn't removed the gun from them since they entered the room.

Addison's eyes flew open as she whispered softly, her voice filled with pain, "Derek? Derek, I'm tired. I want to go to sleep. Let me go to sleep."

Derek exhaled a deep breath as he listened to the thready tone in her voice as his brain returned to working on the woman on the table while his heart focused on keeping Addison alive, "Addison, I know you're tired sweetie and when we get out of here we are going to take a nice, long nap together. Addison, do you remember that bed and breakfast?"

Derek waited patiently for her to respond and after what seemed like an eternity, she spoke softly, "The one with the bed?"

He smiled as he motioned for Miranda to come over and help him extract the tumor while Jake looked on in fascination monitoring their every movement, "Yes, sweetheart the one with the bed, the big bed and where no one ate your shoes. Do you want to go visit there again?"

Addison coughed violently and Miranda turned to her in fear as Derek shooed her away, "Go Miranda; check on Addison, she needs you."

Miranda nodded and left Derek to his work as she attended to her friend, "Derek, her pulse is thready. I'm not liking what I'm seeing, we have to get her into an OR stat."

Derek nodded as he looked at Addison who was struggling to keep her eyes open but failing in all attempts, " Addison, we only have a little way to go and then Jake is going to let you go and then we can take that nap. Isn't that right Mr. Emery?"

Derek glared at him, daring him to deny that he was going to let the woman that he loved receive the healthcare that she so desperately needed. Jake nodded gruffly and said, "Dr. Montgomery, you have my word."

Derek exhaled slowly as he lifted the tumor out of Corrine's brain and placed it on the tray and then went back to the business of sewing her back up. He looked up at Jake as he was finished the last stitch and said, "The surgery was a success, we just have to find out how the baby is doing."

Derek looked towards Miranda who stared at him through glassy eyes, "Derek, Addison isn't breathing."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Izzie placed a hand on Alex's shoulder as she slid down the wall and sat next to him. She stared at the stone look on his face and wondered if she wouldn't be better off if she left him alone, "Alex? Has there been any word?"

Alex shook his head, "Richard doesn't know anything other than Addison is bleeding a lot and if she doesn't get help soon, she's going to die."

Izzie flinched as she laid her head on the wall and said, " Addison is strong, she'll come through this."

Alex nodded as he laid his head on his bent knees and exhaled softly, "She's my future Izzie. I know it seems like I shouldn't be able to say that but she's the one. The one that I had been looking for, she's the one and if I lose her before we ever had a chance…."

Izzie laid her head on his shoulder and said, "Alex, you have to believe that she will come through this, if you don't then all your love won't be for anything."

Alex nodded as he pulled her into his arms, "Is this how it hurt when you lost Denny?"

Izzie cringed and nodded, "Denny was that type of love that you don't get over in a little while."

Alex sighed as he leaned against the wall, "I'll never get over Addison either Izzie, never."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Derek dropped his scalpel and ran over to Addison not mindful of the fact that a gun was trained on his every motion. He moved Miranda out of the way as he cradled Addison in his embrace and started practicing CPR on her.

Jake came up behind him with a growl as he pressed the gun into the back of his neck, "Dr. Shepherd, I believe that you are forgetting that we had a deal. I would let Dr. Montgomery go, once Corrine is out of the woods. If Dr. Montgomery can't wait until that long to die…."

Derek turned on him with a scowl, "Look you have what you want. Corrine has the brain tumor removed, you can do whatever you choose but my wife needs me."

Jake smirked and said, "I thought you were divorced, you seem awfully close for just exes."

Derek and Miranda worked together in silence ignoring the presence of the intruder as they applied CPR to Addison and when Derek got a heartbeat he turned to Miranda with a smile, "We got her breathing again."

Derek leaned down and started whispering in Addison's ear, "Addie, sweetheart come on. Open those beautiful eyes for me let me know that you are still here with me. Let me know it's not too late for us, please."

Jake felt the stirrings of remorse in his heart as he watched the man plead with the immobile, yet beautiful redhead at his side. "Addie, come on."

Jake shook his head as his conscious looked at his wife lying on the operating table and he walked forward and pressed the gun more insistently into Derek's neck and said, "Come on, I want you to tell me if Corrine's child is still alive."

Derek waved him off as he struggled to get Addison to open her eyes. Jake jerked him up and said, "I told you I wanted you with Corrine."

Derek jerked his arm out of his reach, "Kill me, because I swear to you that if Addison dies because of something you did or ddin't let me do, there won't be a place on this earth that you can hide. I will hunt you down and I will kill you."

Jake sneered at him, "What about the oath you take as doctors to uphold the sanctity of human life? Did that oath suddenly go out the window when your ex-wife is in danger?"

Derek looked back down at Addison ignoring his response as Miranda was busying trying to get her friend alert and conscious and said, "The vows I took with her when we married overrule any vows that I have as a doctor. As a man, as a husband who is concerned about his wife, and as man who loves his wife more than his own life you have to empathize with me I beg you, let me be with Addison. The surgery was a success, Addison knew that this surgery would not affect the baby, Corrine and your child are going to be fine."

Jake nodded as he looked at his wife who appeared to be serene, breathing peacefully unaware of all the chaos that was going on during her slumber. He put the gun in his back pocket and walked out of the ER with his hands held up in surrender, his job here having been completed. He knew the consequences of his actions would cause him to lose the rest of his life and he would probably spend his remaining years behind bars but as long as he knew that Corrine would live to raise their child and Mandy he could go in peace. He had failed Beth but he was there for Corrine.

Derek walked back over to Addison grateful for the fact that the nightmare appeared to be over even though Addison hadn't awakened and knelt down in front of her with tears brimming in his eyes as he stroked her cheek softly and spoke into her ear, "Addie, come in its time to wake up. You know that the bed and breakfast people are going to wonder if we got lost in our hotel room again. You remember? They had all pulled straws to see who got to come see if we were still alive in that room. Addie, sweetheart, open your eyes for me honey…"

Miranda felt her own tears start to flow as she saw how gentle Derek was being with Addison. She knew he was just as emotionally exhausted as she was but his only concern lied with the woman who lay palely in front of them with seemingly no signs of life. His gentleness paid off as Addison's eyes started fluttering and her head turned to him as her pale, cracked almost blue lips started moving, "Derek? Derek, I………."

Addison's eyes met his briefly and he rewarded her with a smile before her head rolled to the side as she sunk back into unconsciousness.

* * *

Yea, umm...Thoughts? 


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Next chapter is more Addex I promise, we do have a short scene but its only  
in preparation for the next couple of chapters which will shape out the remainder of this  
story which I haven't written, nor do I have any clue on how to write so enjoy:)

* * *

**Chapter 16**

Mark came up beside Alex and Callie who were lost in their own thoughts as they were holding a vigil out for Addison, Miranda and Derek. Mark cleared his throat and said, "What's the latest?"

Callie looked up at him and said, "We don't know anything, except that it appears that Jake Emery turned himself in. He was explaining to the cops that all he wanted was to ensure that his wife and child got the best medical care possible and once he knew that they had survived the surgery he turned himself in."

Mark exhaled and sat down next to Callie and said, "And Derek and Addison?"

Callie shook her head as she looked down, "I don't know, that's why we're waiting here."

Richard came into the room and said, "We just got word that Jake Emery was safely transferred into custody and that Derek and Miranda are fine."

Alex shot up as he asked the question about the only person that he considered relevant in his mind and said, "Addison? How's Addison?"

Richard felt his voice catch as he spoke, "Miranda is in the OR now with her now, they had to rush her into surgery Alex. It seems like she lost a lot of blood and she went into convulsions, the last I heard she had flatlined."

Mark swore as he damned the man, who had caused this havoc in his friends' lives. When he had returned to Seattle it was with the intention of making Addison his again, he had no clue that he would encounter his niche here or find himself again with Derek. He had changed his focus from Addison to helping his ex-best friend win her back and he didn't know how he was going to help Derek if something happened to Addison. These last couple of weeks watching Derek openly pursue Addison reminded him fondly of the days when they had been the rat pack together. The three of them together against the world, how had it turned out so wrong? How had all of their focuses shifted and they lost sight of what was important? He cursed again as he realized that he didn't have the right to go into any chapel and pray, for many reasons. Maybe because he partly had never been a big fan of religion and partly because with the list of his sins he feared he might turn the holy water red. He sighed as he looked down the hall to where Addison was in surgery and where he knew that Derek remained by her side and hoped the best for his friends because he truly wanted them to be happy again, together. Maybe if they did make it, it would in some perverse way make up for all of the pain that he had caused Derek and Addison.

Alex turned to Callie and instantly the bond that had been formed when the three of them helped piece Addison back together after the divorce that had rocked their world came into effect as they stood and they ran towards the OR to watch out for their love, friend respectively.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Miranda scowled as she stared at Derek Shepherd who had been pacing her steps for the last thirty minutes as she rolled an unconscious Addison out of the OR. "Derek, the surgery was a success no thanks to you hovering over my shoulder and shooting out questions at me every ten minutes. Please, go sit down somewhere and rest, I'll handle it from now on. Right now, she just needs rest and so do you so go somewhere and sit down or better yet go home. I'm tired of seeing your face."

Derek looked at her like she had lost her mind, "Addison almost died today Miranda. I have her blood on my scrubs and you want me to what? Go sit down and take a breather? I can't breathe until she opens her eyes and either cusses me out or kisses me, either way I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving her side."

Miranda stopped as she reflected on the events of the last hours as she realized that Derek needed the assurance of Addison awake before he would feel completely okay, so she nodded as she rolled Addison's gurney into the ICU and said, "We are going to keep her in ICU for awhile just to monitor her vitals. They were better once we transfused her but we won't know more…"

Derek smirked at her as Miranda launched into her customary explanations of the reason behind her patient being in a certain location, "I'm a doctor Bailey, so I know these things."

Miranda shrugged as she explained her actions, "I didn't know when you switched roles, and you've been acting like a concerned husband all morning that your role of brain surgeon seemed to take backburner. So I decided to speak to the role of concerned husband seeing as how he's the only one who has been responding lately."

Derek looked down at Addison after she had been settled in the bed and pressed a kiss to her forehead as he stood back and she gazed at her sleeping peacefully and sent up a silent prayer that she was still alive and he looked towards Miranda and said, "It would be a first Addison would say. I put everything and everyone above her and now. Now that I know what my life is like without her, I can't go back there. I know what life is like without Addison and for me, it's not worth living so even while she's just lying here sleeping I can't help but be moved just by the sight of her."

Miranda grabbed his arm after him become honest about his feelings about her friend. She sighed in disgust as she led him out of the room as the nurses went in and checked the vitals of Addison. She turned to the man who had at one time, hurt her friend deeply and as she listened to him ramble on about his feelings so couldn't help but be skeptical. "You're moved, really? Well, I can definitely say that's a first from you."

Derek closed his eyes as he felt the tears threatening to start anew as he listened to the disbelieving tone in his ex-wife's friend's voice. He didn't know how to make them understand that the mistakes that he had made in the past he was paying for, paying for greatly just with the simple idea that he could lose her. He tried to compose his thoughts as he spoke softly but his voice filled with emotion that came for loving Addison, "Miranda, it took me awhile to understand it, but she's the light, peace and the hope in my life. She helps to calm the storms within my head, my heart and my soul. It may sound cliché, but I only find true peace when I'm with her. I find a kind of tranquility that I've never been able to replicate with anyone else even though Lords knows I tried too."

Miranda sighed as she realized that the man standing in front of her was speaking to her with his heart in his hands, and she knew what it must've cost him to be that honest with her. She inhaled a deep breath as she pondered over her next actions but deciding that they were right, she placed a hand on his shoulder in comfort and spoke, "I'm truly happy that you finally realize what Addison means to you Derek and even though I'm happy that you came to that realization, it could be too late. You waited, you flirted, you allowed everything but Addison to come first in your marriage and then you just dropped the marriage and her altogether and she moved on. It took her awhile to mend her broken heart, but she did and she did it with help of Alex Karev. And whether or not you want to hear this, I have to be honest; you aren't the only one who thinks that Addison is their everything."  
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Corrine Emery awoke to a flutter of chaos in her hospital room. There seemed to be two enraged doctors going at each others throats in front of her bed and she was confused and disorientated at the sight of their presence. She couldn't make out what they were saying but she knew that whatever it was had to do with her husband, Jake because she heard his name mentioned multiple times and not necessarily in a good manner.

Corrine cleared her throat as the two handsome men stopped their arguing upon realization that she was awake and as they looked her in the eye, one with a look of remorse and the other one with a look she couldn't quite discern. The other one looked at her like he wanted to kill her for simply existing and she recalled the saying that her mother always spoke whenever she got spooked by something, 'It feels like someone is walking on my grave'.

Corrine refused to focus on what that feeling could possibly be attributed to, instead focusing on what was the important issue to her at the moment so she asked, "What happened? Did the surgery go okay? How's the baby?"

One of the two males walked to the side of her bed with a gentle smile and said, "You are fine and your baby is going to be fine, there's nothing for you to worry about."

Corrine smiled grateful that he had at least spoken to her in a calm and caring tone and then decided to press forward and inquire about her husband and said, "I heard you mention Jake, did my husband come to the hospital? Was he waiting for me when I got out of surgery? Where is he?"

The other male occupant in the room scowled at her question and opened his mouth to answer but didn't respond when the hush from the other doctor quieted his sneer. "Corrine, we need to tell you something about Jake, something that you're not going to like."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Alex exhaled softly as he laid against the door to Addison's room. He had paced for five minutes before entering the room, afraid to see the woman he loved looking so vulnerable lying asleep in a hospital bed.

She was breathing and for now, that was all him. Even the idea that at one point she had flatlined had him still on shaky ground; the thought that her light could be forever extinguished was too much for him to even process.

He knew he owed Derek a debt of gratitude but at the moment he didn't have the heart to speak to the man who had hurt Addison so deeply at one time and was the one who got to be by her side when she needed support the most. He damned Derek to the lowest bowels of hell in his mind because he knew that what they had been through created an unbreakable bond and it was one that Alex selfishly had one to make.

He pulled up a chair to the side of her bed as his hands rested on the back edge of the chair he watched her sleeping, the gentle inhale and exhale of her chest that was being monitored made him realize how precious life truly was. When he and Addison were working together and monitoring vital signs, he had never stopped to think how important it was that those machines continued to work because they insured that the person you loved was still with you. He knew he would never look at a machine like that the same way from this day forward.

He exhaled in exhaustion as he slumped forward and rested his tired body in the chair, he pitched himself up to pull her hand gently into his. As he traced the delicate lines on her hand, he came to an internal decision, one that cost him even as the tears started to roll down his cheeks he knew that every word he was about to utter was the truth. He sighed with sorrow as he became entranced by the sight of her and looked down because he couldn't look into her face as he spoke the words that fell freely from his lips, "So I hear that you were looking for a bit of action today? Addison, I'm so worried that the last memory of me that you will have is the fact that I wrote you a flippant goodbye letter and left it for you tossed on your bed. God why does that seems like lifetimes ago? A lifetime ago when it never occurred to me on how I would even begin to survive if I didn't have the chance to ever see you again. I felt that very real fear for the first time today Addison, and it was something that I know I never want to repeat. I don't know what my life would be like if I had to live it without you but I know that as long I can see you, I would be content. I guess what I'm trying to say in my own bumbling manner is no more pressure at least not from me; if you want Derek you can have Derek. If you want me, you already know the answer to that…."

He paused as he stood up and stroked the side of her face softly and watched the rise and fall of her chest, "I realized something as I watched you in the arms of that madman Addison. I realized that whether you were with me or with Derek as long as you were alive and happy and I could see you that would be enough for me. It was enough for me and will be enough for me, I will love you until the day I leave this earth but my only concern is you, my only concern has always ever been you. It's always been you and it will always be you, so when you wake up I want you to know that I'll be by your side in whatever capacity you want me. Friend, lover, confidante or even plain errand boy, whatever you want I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

As he felt the tears fall down his cheeks, he damned himself for the show of vulnerability but knew that he couldn't hide the truth any longer. She was the center of his existence and he didn't have a choice in what loving her meant. If it meant sacrifice, he would sacrifice.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&  
"Here, drink up." Derek looked up glad from a momentary distraction from the direction of his thoughts as Mark shoved a cup of juice and a muffin under his nose demanding he partake. Derek scowled and shook his head but Mark pressed the juice insistently into his hand as he sat down next to him on the bench with a sigh.

Derek grumbled and he begrudgingly sipped the juice and downed the muffin in two bites not realizing how starved he really was. Mark smirked at the friend/brother he knew so well glad that he had still been able to realize he was on adrenaline high and that it would soon drop him needed reinforcements before the situation got scary. He didn't know how to approach the conversation that needed to be with his friend so he decided on his fallback cocky attitude as he asked, "So you decided today was the day to be a hero? What were you trying to prove Shepherd and who the hell were you trying ot impress? Were you trying to show that you're still the biggest and best around because let me tell you, you did it."

Derek looked down at the barb that his friend sent his way and knew that he was edging around the truth and Derek knew that he had to give to him, he looked up at his friend and spoke honestly, "When I heard that it was Addison, _my _Addison, I didn't think Mark. I just reacted, I knew she needed me and I had to be there with her, it's as simple as that."

Mark smiled sadly as he realized what his friend's words meant, Derek loved Addison. It was as simple as that, it was no longer a game or being about winning her back, it was simply the love that he still had for the woman lying unconscious in the room. He felt something shift in his chest as he realized that he was happy that his friend had recognized what Addison Montgomery truly meant to him. Even though he knew his friend had recognized the role that she played his life, he couldn't help but point out that he wasn't the only one fighting for her love, he looked into his friend's eyes and said, "She's in recovery now, Karev is with her Derek and he doesn't look like he's moving anytime soon."

Derek grimaced at the realization that even if he did love Addison, he wasn't the only man in her life. He didn't have the right to make any demand where she was concerned. He tried to reign in his own feelings and for the most part didn't react to his statement. Mark leaned as his back hit the edge of the lockers and spoke again gently prodding Derek to take a look at the reality of the situation, "Bailey and Callie are taking turns guarding her door so I don't know if you'll be allowed entry. Let me take you home, you're exhausted you need to rest and there's nothing you can do for her now."

Derek scowled as he realized that Mark obviously hadn't gotten the point. Addison was his priority; he wasn't leaving Seattle Grace until he knew that she was okay. He turned to his friend with the scowl fixed firmly in place as he said, "Miranda knows me she was in that room with us, and she knows that I won't be apart from her. I won't do it, not after today, especially not after today. Mark, it's not an option."

Mark exhaled as he listened to the firm, unwavering tone in his friend's voice as he asked the question that he knew needed to be asked and answered, "What happened in that OR Derek? What made the difference? What made you realize that it was do or die and that you could risk your life? Because I don't get it, for months there was never any doubt that Meredith Grey was it for you and you let everyone know it, including Addison many times. But these last couple of days; I noticed a change in you and today? Today I saw a Derek Shepherd that I recognized, one I remembered from long ago, a Derek Shepherd that I remembered fondly from our intern days. The one who would do anything for the woman he loved, and that woman was Addison Forbes Montgomery. She's still the one even after all this time huh Derek?"

Derek smiled softly as he realized that his friend got it and said, "She's it and even though I screwed up royally, I have to believe that there's a chance for us. I have to believe that I can't lose her now. Not after this Mark, not after this. She' holds me together and even though it took my pride longer to catch up with my heart, it finally knows what it wants once. And this time, the deal is non-negotiable, my heart, my soul and my everything want her because the simple truth is she's my everything."

Mark sighed as he heard the emotion behind his friend's words and knew that they were true he knew he had to tell the truth even if it hurt, so he tried to brace the truth by putting a consoling arm on his friend's shoulder and speaking gruffly, "Let's hope that you are still _her_ everything Derek because that position might already be filled by Alex."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&  
Callie placed an arm around her friend's shoulder as she tried unsuccessfully for the fifth time to convince her to go home to her family. She tried pulling her away from the room even as Miranda became rooted to the spot that she had taken ever since she had gotten off work, "Miranda, why don't you go home? You can't do anything here but worry and worry isn't doing either one of us any good. I'll stay at the hospital with her tonight; I won't leave her alone even for one second. And I'm pretty sure that I'm going to have company and even though I may have to fight Derek and Alex for the spot I'm not leaving her."

Miranda sighed as she finally let herself be convinced to leave. She was exhausted and knew that the only thing she wanted to do at this moment was hug her husband and her child tightly and be grateful for the fact that she even had the ability to be with me for one more day, "Callie, I want to be here for Addison, I do. But I just feel this overwhelming pull to be with my husband and son you know?"

Callie shrugged as she finally realized that she had convinced Miranda to go home. She knew that Miranda loved Addison just as deeply as she did and was just as worried but hovering over her friend's sleeping body didn't do either one of them any good. She smiled as she hugged her friend from behind and said, "Then you don't have any choice Miranda, I'll keep down her visitors to Alex and me and you can go home and be with your family. Everything will be okay, Alex and I will handle this."

Miranda listened to the purposeful slight that Callie gave Derek and knew that with the events of today and even after speaking to him, that he was in Addison's life until she decided to kick him out and he had rightfully earned the right to have a spot in her room. She shook her head as she realized that she had to set Callie straight before she left, she knew she had to amend her early restriction of visitors to include one more, "And Shepherd."

Callie looked at her in shock, she knew that being trapped by that madman had obviously made the trio bond but she didn't expect to see a show of loyalty this quickly. She sighed as she looked to Miranda and decided on how to broach the subject and instead settled for the blunt truth, "While I do realized that he was in the ER with you and Addison and that he deserves kudos for handling the situation in a favorable manner does that really earn him the right to be by her side? I mean he did help save her life but this is Derek we are talking about, the same Derek who hurt Addison and even if he did help does that really earn him the right to be here?"

Miranda sat down in the chair that Callie pulled out for her as she realized that they needed to discuss why she was so adamant in her decision that Derek be allowed access to Addison if he so chose. She motioned for Callie to take a seat with her and after she did spoke, "The Derek Shepherd in the ER, well at least the one that was with me was the one that Addison fell in love with. The one that she would cry about on our weekly slumber parties that was the man she was remembering. You and I had this obscure view of him, this Grey is god view that he put on for the world. But today in that ER, his every motion, his every breath was focused on her and making sure she was okay. He simultaneously removed Mrs. Emery's brain tumor and ensured that Addison was still with him and there aren't words for the amount I love I saw him show Addison. It was what Addison had been fighting for when she first came to Seattle to rekindle, it was why it took her so long to 'get' over Derek in the first place after they divorced. She mourned the Derek in the ER not the Derek you and I know so while it may seem odd that I say this, he has just as much right as Alex does to be here."

Callie bit her lip as she realized the emotion behind Miranda's words. Miranda Bailey wasn't the type of woman who handed out observations that weren't true without pondering over them first. She truly believed that Derek Shepherd loved their friend, and with that confirmation it changed the whole panorama of the situation. It meant that the love that her friend was just discovering with Alex was truly in jeopardy. She had always been partial to the cocky intern who she saw as the major part of the reason t\hat Addison was able to recover from the heartbreak of her divorce so smoothly so she asked the only other question that was still on her mind and said, "So what is going to happen with Alex and Addison now Miranda after all of this? Do you think they are doomed to be apart?"

Miranda knew instinctively that Callie had been poised to ask that question after she herself had admitted the looks that she saw pass between Derek and Addison in the ER. She didn't know how to respond but as she stood up and peered inside her friend's room and saw Alex cradling Addison's hand in his own like a precious jewel that if you moved it would break, "I don't know Callie, I don't know if they are doomed or Addison and Derek are doomed. But for the first time since Derek started pursuing Addison again, I get it. I get the turmoil she is going through over her decision, because it is a decision Callie make no mistake about it. It's a decision and being torn between these two, these two men who so obviously worship her, she doesn't have an easy decision to make, Callie. It's not easy and I wouldn't want to be in her shoes for all the money in the world."

* * *

I know I promised Addex in this chapter and it was totally coming but then I went back and rewrote the character's thoughts a little bit more so when we fall into the next chapter we get where they are, the next one might take a little bit more time in coming to you for that very reason so enjoy! And as always thanks for the wonderful thoughts and replies. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

A/N: I so wanted to update sooner, but didn't like me,

so here's your chapter!

Derek cleared his throat as he peered hesitantly into the room. He had been pacing around her door for the last thirty minutes hesitant to cross the threshold into her room, even though his enemy had been resting by her side for hours it seemed like.

Addison was still sleeping soundly unknown that so many people were waiting on her to open her eyes, waiting on her smile to make their day and waiting on her quiet nature to help them cope with the horrors that they had been subjected to. He had rushed down after his last surgery of the day when he heard that she had been moved from the ICU into a private room as her vital signs continually improved. The doctors expected a full recovery and were only waiting on her to wake up to conclude that everything had gone smoothly with the surgery.

He opened the door fully slowly as he wondered if he would even be welcomed into her sanctuary and stepped in closing it behind him deciding that he had been apart from her for too long and the ache in his heart hadn't left so he had to be here. He looked at Alex and felt a twinge of envy at the man who was sleeping by her side with her hand tucked safely in his own; it was almost as if he didn't have a care in the world realizing that he had the right to hold her hand when he chose too. He hadn't single handedly destroyed everything good in his life with the woman lying unconscious in the bed, he had a chance to make Addison the center of his world and there was nothing he could do about it but hope, hope and pray that the love that they had forged over a decade ago could keep her by his side.

He stepped back until he felt the wall holding his weary body up and became entranced by the rise and fall of her chest. He was a doctor and saw everything in his operating room but what he had never prepared himself for, and what he had never been prepared for was seeing the woman he loved in the arms of a madman, a madman who was hell bent on his own objective and didn't care if he took Addison with him. He still couldn't remember how the man had disappeared from the OR, his thoughts had been focused on the woman who laid lifelessly in his arms as he stared at Miranda's with tears streaming down his cheeks begging her to tell him that what he was living was a nightmare, and not the reality that he was terrified of, a life without her presence in it He had become so lost in his own disquieting thoughts that he didn't realize that someone was staring at him avidly waiting on a response.

He looked up and met Alex's curious eyes with a simple nod of his head. Alex cleared his throat as he stared at the man in front of him and felt a twinge of envy. This man had been by Addison's side during the whole ordeal and had supported her, loved and fought for her and for that he was grateful whether he wanted to admit it or not, "I guess I should say thank you."

Derek smirked as he heard the apology that fell of the intern's lips and knew what it must've taken out of him to admit something like that and knew that he couldn't keep him on the hook because no matter what he thought of Karev, he knew that if the positions were reversed he couldn't offer any sign of gratitude, "I would be insulted if you did, I did what you would've done what any man who claims to love Addison would've done. There isn't anything I won't do for her, and even if at one time she doubted that, she has to know that now."

Derek walked forward and started stroking her face as he noticed the peacefulness with which she slept.

Alex leaned back in the chair but not letting go of the grip he had on Addison's hand as he looked up at Derek and offered "Did you want to sit with her for awhile? I'm not prepared to be too far from her but I do know that you two have a past and after that happened today …."

Derek shook his head as he stepped back away from her bed. He walked back to the wall as he wiped the tears that had started to fall from his cheeks and knew that in this room where Addison lay he couldn't offer his rival anything but the whole truth, "Our past isn't why I'm here and why I'll stay here. I'm here because she's my future and even though I screwed up before, I want her to know that I'm here and whether it's sitting at her bedside or leaning against the wall, I'm here and she doesn't have to wonder where I am."

Alex nodded as he processed the words while refusing to rise to the barb that Derek had sent his way whether it had been intentional or not and turned back to the bed. He let the silence pass between them for minutes before he decided to engage him in conversation again about a topic that they both could agree on, Addison, "I hate her like this, so still. It feels so unnatural for a woman like Addison Forbes Montgomery to be immobile you know?"

Derek pushed himself away from the wall again as he realized that Alex was offering him an olive branch and in the spirit of friendship he wouldn't jeopardize this opportunity for peace, if for no other reason than for her. He pulled up a chair next to the other side of her bed as he agreed and murmured "I know, I always hated when she was sleeping you know? It meant she wasn't with me for a moment that her mind and body could be somewhere I couldn't touch and it made me feel helpless and I hated feeling helpless especially when it came to her."

Alex smiled as he realized that in something he and Derek Shepherd were actually alike and offered him one more truth, "She loves you, you know. I know it now and even though I tried to deny it and I wanted to make it disappear, there's a bond there and its one that I don't want her to break. How's that for crazy?"

Derek covered a smirk as he looked at the man sitting beside him and said "Why are you being such a good guy about this? I interrupted your whole relationship with my cocky, jerk attitude about winning back the ex-wife I treated like crap and you are sitting here trying your best to be the mature one here. I need you to be a jerk so I can hate that she wants to be with you too…Alex, I won't lie and tell you that I'm not scared, I look at her and I now know what it means to be without her, I can't go back there again but if my actions have caused her to stop loving me, I don't know how I'll go on. It will be something I'll have to live with but I won't be happy about it."

Alex exhaled through his teeth slowly, " Addison is a forgiving woman, and she'll forgive you someday, she'll forgive you from the bottom of her heart and you will be able to move on. I don't even know why I'm saying this but I think we need to clear the air once and for all where she stands. Addison can't turn her back on 11 years of memories, 11 years of love even if you at one time did and I think that's why she can't commit to me fully. She is still holding on to those memories and until she's able to deal with her past with you she can't look towards a future with me."

Derek flinched as he realized that Alex was as good as saying that he believed that Addison would be by his side in the end and knew that there was a possibility that it could happen. He leaned forward as he rested his chin on his hand and said "I gave up on those 11 years of memories first and I can't ask her to remember them again because she begged me for nothing but that since she moved to Seattle. But today, when that man was holding a gun on her the only thought running through my head was that he needed to disappear, he needed to go and move away from Addison. If he hadn't I don't know what I would've been capable of."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&  
Callie rolled her eyes as she entered her friend's room. She stared at the two sleeping hunks that were draped on each side of Addison's bed and shook her head. Derek and Alex both had one of her hands in their own as they slept awakening sleeping beauty to awaken from her prolonged sleep. Callie stepped forward as she looked at both men and knew that getting them out of there and into their own beds wasn't going to be easy.

She cleared her throat once hoping that the sound would awaken her visitors but neither man flinched and she sighed in disgust as she launched forward and walked over until she stood at the foot of her bed and wondered what she was going to do with Addison. She loved her like a sister but the men that were sleeping by her side were not going to lose their spot without a fight. She didn't dare disturb their rest but she also didn't want to be responsible for the two of them all night so she knew she needed to take some action.

She cleared her throat louder again and was rewarded when one of her two friend's suitors jerked his head up in shock. She walked over to Alex who was rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he stretched and turned to her with a half smile. She knew he was exhausted and that he needed to get some sleep, especially since he would be expected to report for work bright and early tomorrow, "Alex, it's almost midnight, go home and get some sleep. I'll stay with her."

Alex shook his head not wanting to focus on what he was being asked to do, he was being asked to leave the side of the woman that he loved more than his own life. He couldn't do that, not until he knew that she was okay and then he could focus on where he would go on from this point, he gazed back at her still sleeping soundly as he spoke under his breath, "I can't go anywhere until she wakes up."

Callie exhaled softly as she braced herself for the fight that was sure to occur with the man she was secretly rooting behind and tried again, "You do know she's going to be fine right? The doctors expect her to have a full recovery and there's nothing that you can do here but sit and watch her sleep and that's not doing you any good. You are expected to be at work tomorrow and you won't be any good to your patients or yourself if you're stiff, tired and emotionally distraught. Go home Karev, I'm not going anywhere I won't leave her alone."

Alex looked like he was about to argue after seeing that Derek was still asleep on the other side of the bed and looked like he had no desire to move and he didn't want to be left behind but Callie shook her head again and said "Izzie's outside, she's offered to take you home. You have to go home and get some rest Alex; it's for the best trust me."

Alex opened his mouth to protest but then stopped when he realized that Callie had a point. He wasn't privileged like Derek Shepherd, if he wanted to take a day off he wasn't afforded the same privileges that attending's were. Callie was right so he sighed in acceptance before standing up and stretching deeply and then leaning over and pressing a gentle kiss to Addison's forehead and said "Izzie is here? I thought she went home hours ago, what is she still doing here?"

Callie smiled as she pulled the tired intern him into a hug. She knew that his heart was with her friend and it was tearing him up inside that he didn't have the means to stay here all night long, "She stayed outside, waiting in case you needed her. She's a great friend Alex. Don't forget that."

Alex nodded as he stole one last glance at the sleeping beauty and walked out of the room. Callie sighed in disgust as she turned to the other charge under her care that was lying in his chair haphazardly with his arm propped on the dinner table next to her bed. She had zero tolerance for the man and if it wasn't for the words spoken to her earlier by Miranda she would have just as soon kicked him out when he first crossed the threshold into Addison's room but Miranda's words held her back.

She knew he was going to be a harder sale than Alex had been and not because he loved Addison more but because he had been with her, every moment during the hostage crisis watching as Addison teetered on the rope between life and death. He had held her in his arms as she almost bled to death and that created a bond, on that she was hesitant to break even now but one she would gladly do if it meant keeping her friend's sanity.

Callie rolled her eyes to herself, like Shepherd needed another reason to have a bond with her friend. She walked over to his chair and shook his shoulder slightly hoping for a response. She waited for him to awaken but he remained fast asleep and she shook him again with the same outcome, nothing but snoring.

She wanted to shake him again but something stopped her, maybe she felt empathy for all that he, Miranda and Addison had been through today. Maybe it had to do with the fact that he had held her friend in his arms as her lifeblood was slipping through his fingers, whatever it was she didn't want to define at the moment she just wanted peace and she knew that if she awakened Derek Shepherd and tried to usher him out of her friend's room that she wouldn't get peace.

She turned to the chair that had been vacated by Alex and sat down with a long-suffering sigh as she prepared for her vigil by her friend's bedside.

* * *

Yea, so it might seem like Addison is never going to wake up or she's never going to talk to Derek and Alex again but next  
chapter we do, I just wanted another in depth look about both of the men that love our girl so when she wakes up, they can  
do right by her or at least try too. Thoughts Please!


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Next update and a quick note, I'll be at a wedding so no update for a couple of weeks, enjoy  
this placeholder until my return. Thanks as always for the comments.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Next Morning

_Dream – Addison Subconscious _

_"No, no, no. He can't be dead. You couldn't have killed him." _

_The faceless man, cloaked in black pointed a bony, skeletal finger towards her and laughed evilly, "Of course I took him from you. You didn't want him, you don't deserve him. You have never been happy and you will never be happy." _

Addison felt herself start to cry in rage, her life could be happy. Her life was happy at one time and it would be that way again. She shouted back in agony at the faceless man who was torturing her and said, "He loves me, he wants me and no one else. He told me so." She couldn't define which man she was talking about but she knew that the love was real; it had to be….it couldn't be a dream.

_The man sneered at her as she shouted her anger that she was loved back at him. He wouldn't let her believe that she was worthy, she wasn't worthy and he told her so, "He wants you? For how long? Until the next Meredith Grey or Izzie Stevens comes along? You were never as important in his life as she was, as they both are stop trying to delude yourself." _

Addison shook her head in denial and placed her hands over her ears hoping to quiet the storm in her head at the sounds of the man taunts. She stared up at him, "Alex loves me. He would put me first in his life, I was first in his life. He told me I would always be first."

_The man grimaced as he peered down at her, "Until Izzie Stevens takes him away from you? Come on, I'm in your mind, I'm the doubts that you've been having all along. You see the way she looks and smiles at him, the way she flirts with him, you've been thinking it all along, he's just another Mark. It's what you believed was about to happen anyway all along. How much friends can they really be and if they are only friends for how long can they keep up the act?" _

Addison shook her head in denial, even though they were her own thoughts, they were hurtful thoughts, ones she wanted to eradicate from her mind and her heart "They love **me**, they both love me. They told me so… and they wouldn't lie to me…."

The man laughed evilly as he dashed her hopes once again with his spiteful words, "How much love can they really have for you? Their love is surrounded by false promises, false lies and based upon conditions that you have to provide, Alex took back his words of love and Derek has never lived up to anything he says to you."

_Addison swiped angrily at the tears that were falling down her face as she shot back at the man who was forcing her to face her worst fears, "Why are you doing this to me? Do you get some perverted pleasure out of making me hurt and making me doubt myself?" _

The man disappeared from in front of her as she turned around in fear looking for that face that had once been prominent in her nightmares disappeared and suddenly reappeared. He was now the embodied voice of the man kept taunting her even though she couldn't see his face. She struggled to awaken from her dream as he kept whispering into her ear "I'm just your thoughts Addison I'm in your head….NO one wants you not Derek, not Alex, not Derek, not ALEX and not DEREK."

Addison's body jerked in shock as she opened her eyes slowly, trying to erase the memories of that nightmare from her mind. Her lids fluttered softly as they started adjusting to the light that was suddenly being flashed into them. She closed her eyes quickly as the pain shot through her head, not having her eyes open for hours and then opening them quickly sent a shot of pain through her head. She reached to quiet the throbbing her head when she realized that her hand still had an IV connected to it.

Her eyes jolted open as her brain released the memory of the hours prior and her mouth opened as she uttered a word, "Derek?" He wasn't gone, that had only been a bad dream right? Alex and Derek weren't gone? They were still here right?

Callie's eyes flew open at the sound of her friend's voice. She had awakened moments ago but didn't want to open her eyes and see her friend still sleeping soundly so she had closed her eyes for a moment of peaceful reflection and had started to drift off back to sleep when she heard the gentle whisper from the bed.

Callie shot up in relief as she ran to the side of her friend's bed and bent down, " Addison? Addison, thank god."

She leaned down and hugged her friend tightly, mindful of the wires that were traveling around her and the tubes that were still in her body. She turned towards the table and made a cup of water for her friend and helped her position the straw in her mouth to take a sip.

Callie started stroking her hair and said "You really had everyone worried here. Richard pages me hourly for updates on your checkup and that's not to mention your friend Miranda. She went through of all that with you and I had to practically beg her to go home."

Addison focused on the sound of Callie's voice as the drugs that she had been given slowly made their way out of her bloodstream and the sluggish feeling that was invading her body started to fade. She opened her mouth again prepared to speak only to find the straw there again as Callie insisted her to drink more water which she did not realizing how thirsty she really was.

Callie smiled as she pulled the glass away from her lips and set it on the table. She stroked her hair back and squeezed her friend's hand grateful that she was a least conscious. She sighed in happiness and then checked her watch and smiled, grateful that everything was going to be okay "Well you certainly picked a good time to wake up; the morning shift should be arriving sometime soon. That means that Miranda and Richard can fuss over you while I get some sleep."

Addison nodded as she listened to her friend ramble on in her nervousness, she needed answers but she was terrified of the responses. Had that just been a horrible dream or was she really going to have to face her life without the thought of Alex or Derek in it? She felt the tears well in her eyes as she rolled her head to the side and noticed for the first time that a dark-haired man was in the room. Was it only really a dream? Had she imagined that Alex and Derek were dead and lost to her forever? She felt the tears rush to her eyes as she looked at Derek then back at Callie too afraid to hope. She didn't want to ask for fear that it would be a dream but she couldn't help herself as she saw the slump of the man in the chair and asked her friend, "Derek? Alive?"

Callie gasped in horror as she recognized the fear in her friend's voice. It was the fear that she had lost someone she loved, someone to death. It was fear she knew well and understood. She gasped as she realized that Addison must've been worried that something had happened to Derek after she fell unconscious. Callie ran over to Derek and started hitting him; she would secretly admit that she got a thrill of slapping Derek a few times. She resorted to shaking and gentle tussling as her voice rose, "Derek, Derek wake up."

Derek's eyes flew open in fear as he jumped up out of his chair and cradled his sore arm as he looked at Callie in question. Callie smirked at him and then motioned to the bed and Derek felt the breath leave his body as he viewed the tear stained cheeks of the most beautiful woman in the world, well at least to him anyway. He stumbled forward as he pulled her hand into his and felt a smile rise to his face for the first time since the ordeal began as he whispered out on a haunted breath, "Addie?"

Addison's eyes filled with tears as she realized that her fears were unfounded. Derek was here, he wasn't dead, he was alive and he sounded liked he still loved her…..Maybe she was still dreaming, whatever it was she didn't want to awaken. She searched his face slowly and as she perused acknowledged that he looked no worse for what they had been through but she still had to ask, "Derek. Are you okay?"

Derek looked to Callie in question, Addison was here and they were conversing so could he be left alone? He had felt Callie last night try to awaken him but he refused to acknowledge her, he was where he wanted to be, where he had to be for his sanity. He smiled at Callie in hopes it would be enough for her to leave them alone and he was granted his wish as Callie touched him softly on the shoulder and left the room closing it behind her. He grabbed her hand and started kissing it and said, "Of course, I'm okay. Sweetheart, the one we've been worried about is you. How are you feeling do you need anything?"

Addison knew that her next words would wound Derek but she couldn't lie, she needed to see him as well. That was only the way for her heart and her mind to be okay to ensure that her nightmares were just that and that both of the men in her life were still with her. She nodded slowly before looking down and exhaling sharply, she was going to hurt Derek but she had to ask so as she met his eyes she spoke, "Where is Alex?"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Alex Karev had a sleepless night full of nightmares that had robbed him of peace of mind. In his nightmare every time he tried to reach Addison, she was further out of his reach. The first nightmare that had him jolting out of bed at 2 in the morning was the shooter killing Addison as they were embracing and he had slid down the wall with her lifeless body in his arms as the sobs wracked his body. After he finally trusted himself to fall asleep, each time he saw Addison and started towards her and it looked like she was coming towards him, Derek would stop her in the middle of the hallway and pull her into an embrace and they would walk off together leaving him crying out after her in vain. It was what had him at work at six in the morning and what made him realize that even at 5 am you could come into work. He had wanted to run to Addison's side and claim the seat that was his but he knew that Derek deserved to be there, he had been with her, held her hand when she was scared and that was something he couldn't deny him.

He was upset because Derek had proven himself. All along in the back of his mind he had silently prayed that the love that Derek had professed he still felt for Addison was nothing more than a memory, he had certainly treated his marriage to her like an memory when he stepped foot in Seattle. He had always prayed that it was just a trick of his imagination or something of the sort because it couldn't be true; he couldn't be this close to getting everything he wanted for the first time in his life and on the verge of losing it all, the one relationship he never knew he needed. He was confused and angry at the same time, caught in a whirlwind of emotions and he only felt pity for the woman who was at the center of the storm.

Addison.

She had been an innocent victim caught up in the middle of two men both who were determined that she would be theirs and both who didn't want to let go even if it couldn't be. He didn't know how he would let her go; if she decided that she wanted to be with Derek. His whole mind still couldn't grasp that she could want Derek but he knew that her heart, her forgiving heart was just one of the reasons he had fallen in love with her so deeply, she was caring and forgiving.

He exhaled through his teeth in disgust at the path that his own thoughts had taken when he realized that he had stopped outside her door. He started to open the door but stopped himself; she was probably still sleeping and he didn't want to take a chance and disturb her rest. He pulled back and decided to head to the cafeteria for some semblance of breakfast.

He faltered slightly as he started walking away but his decision was made for him as the door flung open and Derek came storming out only to grimace when he saw him. Derek was shuffling his feet not wanting to give into the shaft of pain that went through him that she asked for his rival. He swallowed down his own thoughts at seeing that he was waiting out here and it appeared almost as if he knew she was calling him. He motioned to the closed door behind him and said, " Addison is awake, she's asking for you Alex."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Addison Forbes Montgomery felt like hell and that wasn't saying much for her emotional state either. She had been shot by the man that had lost his first wife to incompetent doctors and in the middle of his terror; he had taken three innocent people hostage to ensure that history didn't repeat itself and even after all she went through, she couldn't help but empathize with the troubled man. He had loved his first wife completely and her death left a hole in his life, one that had been filled and he didn't want to lose out on what life could offer for her, it had taught her a lesson. One that she was trying to apply as she exhaled and felt the tightness in her chest when she remembered the gun trained on her and Derek. The fear that she had felt for all of them was something she didn't think she would ever forget.

The door opened and her smile brightened as Alex entered the room and the last of her nightmares fall away, he was alive and here with her. Alex took a moment to gaze at the woman sitting up in front of him that was smiling at him with a look of happiness in her eyes, he leaned against the door, and exhaled softly she was here and she was okay and for now, that was enough. Addison held out her hand in request and Alex shook his head, he didn't want to deny her anything but he needed a moment.

He knew he had made the wrong choice by not explaining his actions when Addison flinched and looked down. Her eyes welled tears as she nodded and looked down and then up again met his eyes again and said, "Please?"

Alex cleared his throat and shook his head again, " Addison, when I thought I'd lost you, I didn't know how I was going to go on. So I just want a moment to suck in the fact that you are here and with me and that you're okay. Please just give me that."

Addison nodded and smiled softly, "Well since you want a moment, let me take a moment and tell you something Alex and its important."

Alex flinched as he walked over to the bed and started running his fingers along the edge of her bedside and said, "If you're going to say that you want Shepherd, I already know. I kinda figured that after being in such close proximity with him that your feelings would be…."

Addison interrupted him, "I love you Alex."

Alex looked at her in shock, "What did you just say Addison?"

Addison reached for his hand again and Alex took it in his own and gripped on tightly, "I thought I would never get to tell you that, with the gun being constantly pressed in my face and then feeling like I would die at any moment. When I had the gun pressed in my side a lot of things ran through my mind. I remembered Derek and I remembered you. When you told me that you took back the 'I love you' I don't know if I've ever felt more hurt except what I went through with Derek and so I shielded myself from revealing my feelings. So I smothered my own feelings down and didn't say anything but I wanted, no I needed you to know that your love is reciprocated by me. I love you Alex."

Alex leaned over and pressed a kiss to her lips as he felt the tears fall from her eyes and onto his lips as he kissed her. He sipped them from her cheek as he rested his head against hers and exhaled softly, "You don't know how worried I was that you were going to breakup with me and tell me you want Derek back."

Addison cradled his head against hers and said, "Alex, I do love you and I want you but I have to be honest and tell you that I love Derek too."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Thoughts, please:)


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Note to self, weddings suck...As an entirety they suck. From the bridesmaid dress to the high heels that make your foot look like a encased  
sausage to ensuring that the future bride gets all of her wishes met including hairstyles that make you look like a hooker instead of bridesmaid stuffed  
uncomfortably in a dress...So I made a decision, I've decided when the time comes, I'm eloping. Vegas here I come, I don't care if Elvis (dead or alive) is  
officiating the ceremony, I'm not going through that whole thing again, and yet another dress hanging in my closet that I'll never wear anywhere else...but  
in the end ain't love grand?

Yea since Alex and Derek are getting on my nerves on GA's universe, I've decided to stop watching so I can write, otherwise I'm moving Addison to LA  
so she can make out with Tim Daly...Yea I know but it's all Shonda's fault, making both of her 'suitors' seem like jerks:(

**Chapter 19**

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Alex opened the door to Addison's hospital room with tears running down his cheeks and a half smile plastered on his face. She loved him, the feelings that he had been having for her weren't one sided. He didn't know whether to cry or laugh but he knew that he was happy about this sudden change of events.

Derek looked at him scrutinizing as he tried to reconcile the happy yet fearful glance that was resident in the eyes of the rival standing in front of him. He knew that their peace treaty had to come to an end shortly but he wasn't prepared for it to be quite so soon, "Is everything okay Karev?"

Alex nodded even while his heart was still tied into the woman in the room who had just declared her love for him. He exhaled a short breath as he motioned behind himself to her room and said, " Addison wants to see you Derek. Don't keep her waiting."

Derek nodded even while moving forward knew that whatever had been said was enough for the smile to come back into Alex Karev's face. When he had his hand ready to turn the knob, he heard a shuffling sound from behind him. He dropped his hand from the handle and turned around and met Alex's face in question, "Derek, Addison just told me she loved me, I'm not giving her up without a fight. I need you to know that from this point on, the gloves come off. She gave me hope today, hope that I had at one time imagined was lost to me forever and for that reason alone, I can't turn my back on her, I won't."

Derek looked stricken momentarily but refused to let it show as he opened the door and entered the room. He sighed against the doorjamb as he looked at the woman lying on the bed in front of him with her eyes closed. He started towards the bed as her eyes fluttered open and she greeted him with a heart stopping smile.

Addison smiled at him beatifically and he felt his heart stop in his chest, "Addie?"

Addison nodded and held out her arms and Derek ran and pulled her into his embrace. He felt the tears fall down his cheeks unabashedly as the terror of the last days ran through his memory. Derek kissed the top of her head repeatedly and said, "I can't do this again Addison, I need you to be protected and away from all of this when I thought I could lose you…."

Derek leaned down and kissed her lips softly and said, " Addison, I love you."

Addison smiled as she looked at him with love shining out of her eyes and said, "Do you know how long I've been waiting for you to say that to me with that love sounding so true from your voice?"

Derek exhaled softly as he kissed her again, "So does that mean that it's returned?"

Addison leaned back against the pillow, "Who knew that getting shot in the leg could bring about such a change? I was prepared to try to hate you, I was going to hate you, and you see I had to because you are the one with the power to hurt me, not just hurt me destroy me. But I've called the stores and ordered a special skin so I have to be honest with you. I love you Derek."

Derek exhaled, "Alex told me that you told him that you love him."

Addison nodded as the tears ran down her cheeks, "Derek, I know that's not what you want me to say but if getting shot in the leg taught me anything, it taught me honesty because you never know when you might not have another chance. I love you Derek, I always have and I know that I always will but I love Alex too but in a different way. It's confused in my brain but my heart yearns for both of you in different ways."

Derek nodded as he sat down and pulled the chair close to the bed not letting go of Addison's hand for a moment refusing to be away from her any longer than he had to be, "So what does this mean for us? For all of us? I know that you said that you love both of us but you can't be in a relationship with us indefinitely."

Addison chuckled and said, "I'm not looking to become the talk of this hospital and go from Satan to the Indecisive one, I just want you to know that this isn't easy for me Derek. It's not easy for me to look at you or Alex and make a decision that will shape all of our futures without giving it some thought."

Derek smiled and said, "I love you Addison. It may sound corny but that's the truth, I love you and I'm just sorry that I put you through all of this. I feel responsible because I called Jake, maybe it was something I said or something I….."

Addison quieted him with her hand and said, "D? Don't worry about that, it's not your fault, it can't be."

Derek's eyes filled to the brim with happy tears as he squeezed her hand tightly, "You remember you always used to call me that. They thought it was my gang name or something I hadn't heard you call me D since before Manhattan. I missed it, I still miss it. I'll wait however long you need me to because you are just that worthy."  
Addison smiled at him softly as she inadvertently let out a yawn and Derek picked up on the signal immediately as he wiped the errant tears away from his cheeks and stood up. He placed her hands under the bedspread and kissed her softly on the forehead, " Addison, I think that was a signal, it's time for me to go. I probably need to try to get some sleep. I'll be back today."

Addison nodded as she started to drift off into slumber he turned around and cleared his throat and Addison struggled to open her eyes and meet his gesture, she met his eyes with a warm smile of her own.

He felt his heart stop again as he closed the door behind him and exhaled in relief.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"So let's talk about what happened in there."

Alex looked up from his lunch at his friend Izzie with a half-smile. She sat down in front of him and said, "So what happened? How's Dr. Montgomery doing?"

Alex smiled softly and said, "She's expected to make a full recovery but I don't know if I'll ever be able to recover after today."

Izzie smiled back at him grateful to see such a hopeful look on her friend's face and said, "So what happened? Did she tell you that she wanted to move forward with you and throw Shepherd to the curb?"

Alex looked down in frustration momentarily remembering Addison's warning that she loved Shepherd as well, "Just when I think that we are getting closer something steps in the way, in the case a bullet. I think it drew her closer to Shepherd because she was in such close quarters and I don't know if I can break that bond. She told me she loves me and him as well."

Izzie cleared her throat disturbed to hear that the saga hadn't been concluded by the events of yesterday and said, "So you think Shepherd is going to try to what? Monopolize her emotions based on what happened with that shooter? Do you really think Addison is that gullible?"

Alex shrugged as he sipped on his soda and met her eyes with a conflicted gaze of his own, "I know Addison is a smart woman but when it comes to affairs of the heart, I'll admit we can all be easily swayed. I just don't want her to think she **had **to say she loved me otherwise she was going to lose me."

Izzie leaned back in the chair and pondered her friend's expression, "Do you think Addison is capable of doing that? Saying those words, those three words that carry so much meaning if she was just feeling guilty? I don't think she would."

Alex sighed as he reached for his sandwich, "God, I hope not. I'm banking my future on those three words."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Here," Derek looked up as the bag of chips and drink was shoved under his nose as he sat down in the attending's locker room. He grabbed the bag with a grateful smile as Mark Sloan slumped in the chair next to him.

Mark sighed, "How's Addison?"

Derek exhaled as he opened his can of soda and took a sip and gagged at the strength and after reading the label turned to his friend in disbelief, "Red Bull? Really that's what I need to be drinking now?"

Mark scowled at said, "Could you be anymore ungrateful? Besides after your actions of the last couple of days, I think that's what I'm going to start calling you. You didn't answer my question, how's Addison?"

Derek smiled softly, "She's doing much better, there's no reason she shouldn't have a full recovery."

Mark nodded and said, "So then why the long face? I know that you were terrified for Addison's life otherwise you wouldn't have decided to become Superman where she's concerned."

Derek sipped the drink and looked down, "She told me she still loves me man."

Mark felt a slow smile come across his face; he had always known that the love between Addison and Derek wasn't something that could be destroyed overnight, even with all of the mistakes that were made on both sides. Some of the mistakes, he admittedly even played a major role in, "That's good news but it still doesn't explain the long face. What's going on Shepherd?"

Derek scowled as he stood up, "She also told me that she loves Alex. She loves the both of us."

Mark sighed and said, "Trust it to women to confuse the issue. She's just using Karev as a fallback you know. She's still terrified that you are going to break her and she wants to ensure she has a backup plan. And after everything you've put her through can you really blame her?"  
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"I'm a mess."

Her two friends let that statement fall by the wayside as they quietly ate their lunch in her room. She looked at both of them who refused to answer her statement so she repeated the statement again, "I'm a mess."

Miranda scowled and looked up, "Do you want me to applaud you for having the common sense to state the problem as we already know it? Why did you have to go tell those two that you loved the both of them?"

Addison looked down and said "Because it was the truth Miranda. I can't keep stringing both of them alone without giving them insight into my feelings and after facing down the barrel of a gun…."

Addison let her voice trail off as her thoughts became consumed in memories of the episode she had been subjected to yesterday. Callie cleared her throat and said, " Addison, we are your friends and we are going to be there for you but if you are honest with yourself can you actually say that you love both of them? Do you just want to have Alex as a backup in case Derek doesn't work out or vice versa with Derek? You can't expect us to believe that you feel the same type of 'love' for both men."

Addison sipped the water that Miranda shoved under her lips and said, "I guess if I were honest it does seem like the cowards way out, tell both men they are important to me so I don't lose either one. I just don't want to make a wrong decision here and not when I'm being honest about the fact that I honestly do love both men."

Miranda sighed as she took the seat in front of her bed with a sigh, "I don't want you to drag on two perfectly nice men or at least one because you are indecisive, you have to sort out your heart and be honest with the two men who care about you."

* * *

Thoughts, please! Also, everyone has been weighing in on the GA's spinoff and I want to say that I wish Kate/Addison all the best 


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Next update. Also, I got an interesting review, one that insinuated I should let Addison be on her own for awhile, I liked it...but not enough to make her not choose so she will still choose but she will be alone for a little while as I figure out where I'm going with this...

**Chapter 20**

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Addison opened her eyes as the door closed behind her and she was met with the face of Richard who was looking at her with tenderness in her eyes. He felt the tears rise to his eyes as he rushed to her side and pressed a gentle kiss to her temple, "Damn it Addison, you can't do this to me. I'm too old to be worrying about you."

Addison sighed and nodded as he sat down and gripped her hand and said, "So the latest gossip mills tell me that Derek Shepherd and Alex Karev have been taken their turns walking in and out of here. What's going on Addison? Are you okay or do I need to take them aside?"

Addison felt the tears fall down her cheeks as she heard the unconditional support in his voice, "I love them both Richard. I don't want to hurt either one of those amazing men but I think that is what I'm going to do. Derek was my world for 11 years and no matter how many times I remember all he put me through, my mind and heart keep turning to those 11 years. Alex, on the other hand from the moment we became a couple has done everything in his power to ensure that I'm not hurt. He learned what I liked, what I disliked he devoted himself to making me happy, something I wasn't used to. This same cocky, arrogant surgeon that I once couldn't wait to take down was the same one I turned to when things got tough or when the thoughts in my head didn't make sense. He never pressured me for more than I was willing to give, he just loved me and I wasn't used to that. I want to be everything to both of those men."

Richard sighed as he stood up and pulled his surrogate daughter into his arms and said, "You can't have both men, you have to choose one and you have to choose one quickly because they can't keep going on like this indefinitely. Addison, affairs of the heart are never easy take me for example. I had everything in Adele but I always pined after Ellis. I didn't know how to prioritize what I wanted in my life and now I'm without both women, I just don't want you to end up alone because you are too amazing to be alone."

Addison smiled through her tears knowing that his words made sense but they didn't help make the decision any easier as she looked at him and let out a choked laugh and said, "Hey you're single aren't you?"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Two Weeks Later

Addison had been going stir-crazy in the hospital, she knew that she was being kept beyond the necessary because she had been in danger of dying but she was ready to leave the hospital and especially after the gut wrenching talk she had with her patient yesterday. It had made her pause in her assumption of how everything occurred.

_Flashback _

_"Dr. Montgomery?" _

_Addison__ had been lost in her thoughts when the door to her room opened and she was greeted with Corrine's face that was wet with tears. Addison sat up in bed and said, "Corrine, what are you doing out of bed? How are you?" _

Corrine shuffled in and closed the door behind her and said, "Dr. Montgomery, I just wanted to apologize for Jake's behavior. In his defense…."

_Addison cleared her throat as she leaned over the edge of the bed to stand up and pulled the sobbing woman into her arms, "Corrine, this isn't your fault and it's not on you to apologize for Jake. I actually understand where he's coming from, I don't agree with his methods but he just wanted a good result for you and his baby and he got it." _

_Corrine nodded grateful for the fact that Addison's tone wasn't laced with reproach as she asked the questions that had been plaguing her to her own ally in this town, "But why didn't he think before he acted? I have to raise two little children on my own and I don't know if I'm up to the challenge, I don't know if I can handle it because I'm scared." _

_Addison__ motioned for her to take a seat and said, "Corrine, you've been through the worse. You've had the surgery and now you can focus on bringing this baby in the world, and you and Mandy can be happy." _

_Corrine sighed and said, "What about Jake? He's in jail and they won't let me talk to him. I just need to know what he expects me to do now." _

_Addison gripped her hand and said, "Once you are released from the hospital, I'll make sure that you can see Jake. I promise." _

End of Flashback

The door opened as Derek stepped in with a bouquet of pink peonies and a balloon as he stood watching Addison stare off into space lost in her own thoughts. As the door closed he cleared his throat and she met his eyes, Addison rolled her eyes and said, "Shepherd don't you think you're overdoing it? I mean really this is a little over the top."

Derek sat the flowers down as he pressed a kiss to her cheek and ignored her obvious deflection of him observing her staring off into space and said, "I've been standing there for a moment before you noticed me, where were you?"

Addison sighed as she realized that he still had the uncanny ability to be able to read her and decided to admit to him what she was pondering over, after all he had been in the room with her during the whole situation and if anyone deserved to have an opinion on her thoughts, it was him, "I was thinking about Jake and Corrine Derek. She came to see me and I promised Corrine that I would help her see Jake once she's released from the hospital, I was going to call the detective in my case but I didn't have the number…."

Addison's voice trailed off as she noticed the grip that Derek currently had on the vase of flowers in his hand as his face suddenly got darker, she stopped her speech and asked, "Derek what's wrong?"

Derek flinched as she asked an unassuming question as if she didn't realize what her admission was causing him, she truly believed there was nothing wrong with the idea that she wanted to help the wife of the man that was responsible for her being in the hospital, "Why do you care what happens to that son of a bitch that shot you? He could've killed you and as far as I'm concerned he can rot in jail, you don't need to focus on him or his wife either."

Addison shook her head sadly realizing that the plight of their patients hadn't touched his heart as deeply as it had touched hers, "He just wanted to make sure his family was taken care of. His first wife died because of the incompetency of doctors and he didn't want a repeat with his second wife."

Derek looked at her incredulously, not believing for a second that she was allowing the tragedy that had befallen the family serve as an excuse for the deranged man's actions, "And that makes it okay for him to take 3 doctors hostage after shooting one and demanding they perform a surgery while you were bleeding to death? No Addison, you will stay out of this, he doesn't deserve to have anyone lift a finger to help him. I begged him for your life, and he ignored my pleas you can ignore his wife's"

Addison scowled and said, "Derek, we are not fighting about this, I will help Corrine to see Jake and that's the end of the discussion."

Derek slammed down the vase of flowers as he stormed out of her room and slammed the door behind him but not before Addison burst into frustrated tears.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Alex shuffled into Addison's room as she was swiping away tears with a tissue and closed the door and said "Okay Montgomery, why the tears? I know it can't be because you are getting released today because that should be a cause for joy and not tears."

Addison shook her head as she blew her nose and spoke without thinking, "I had a fight with Derek." She looked up hesitant to see the look of anger on his face as she had so carelessly admitted that she ahd an argument with her ex-husband that caused her to start crying.

Alex swore under his breath as he started to turn around and leave when Addison started sobbing and he turned back around and took her in his arms, "Why did you have a fight with Derek?" Alex flinched as he prepared to hear anything having to do with their relationship but was shocked by her response.

Addison sighed hoping that with her explanation it would ease the tension in the room, "We fought over Jake and Corrine Emery. I told him that I was going to help Corrine see Jake and he told me that I couldn't and then he stalked off and I don't know why he can't understand that I want to help her."

Alex pulled back as he looked into her eyes and paused. He could literally tell Addison that Shepherd was being a jerk and come out the victor in all of this but he wouldn't be able to live with himself. He sighed as he pulled her back into his arms as the truth of Derek's feelings in this fell from his lips, "Maybe because Shepherd loves you and he was scared to lose you? I wasn't in the room while you were losing blood but I know if I had been I wouldn't want you to be anywhere near all of those memories, he's just trying to protect you Addison."

Addison stared into his eyes for a moment realizing the truth in his words. He was right, Derek had been petrified during the whole ordeal and she just stated that she was prepared to help the people who had created the crisis. Alex was looking out for Derek's feelings even while his own were involved, she was so filled with emotion at the moment that she pulled his face to hers and pressing a hard kiss against his lips. "I love you Alex."

Alex wrapped his arms around her as he pressed another urgent kiss against her mouth happy that he had gone with his first instinct about telling the truth and said, "I love you too. Can I ask what that kiss was for?"

Addison laid her head on his chest entranced by the sound of his beating heart, "You could've told me any number of things to keep me pissed at Derek but you told me the truth and I trust you. There's something so wonderful about the trust that I have in you that I don't ever want to lose that."

Alex sighed and started to say well fight for us then but held himself back; she just needed comforting now and not a reminder of what both he and Shepherd were fighting so desperately for, her heart.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Addison's a woman right?"

Derek looked up from his lunch at Mark and said, "What the hell kinda question is that? Of course she's a woman."

Mark laid his lunch down and then looked at him and said, "So then why would you choose to pick a fight with her about standing up for another woman? A woman who had arguably been through a lot at the hand of this woman's husband and all she was looking for was a little empathy but what does the idiot ex-husband do? Forbid her; _forbid _her to help the woman. God Shepherd, do I have to teach you everything?"

Derek flinched as he listened to the wisdom in his words but couldn't help but asking sarcastically, "What should I have done then oh wise Sloan?"

Mark smirked as he sipped from his drink, "Jest, that's right jest, but you just put Alex in a place to kick you out of Addison's life forever. All he has to do is go in there and take Addison's side and then you will have lost points."

Derek looked up and shook his head, "Alex won't do that. I've been going back and forth with him in this tug of war for Addison's affections and one thing I know is that Alex won't lie to Addison no matter what. They have a trust and a truth relationship that I envy. He won't cut his words just to get rid of me."

Mark shrugged as he listened to his friend stand up for the moral compass of his rival and said, "So would you? If the tables were turned would you hesitate to kick Alex out of the running if the opportunity arose?"

Derek looked down at his meal and then up at his friend, "I don't know. I know that I want her, I'm willing to fight for her but I don't know if I'm willing to play dirty for her. I think Addison deserves more than two idiots playing games for her affection."

Mark nodded even while he reached across the table and swiped a bite off of Derek's tray and said, "Good to know, let's hope that you're all on the same page."

* * *

A little Addek, A little Addex and some Addie/Richard (my favorite dad/daughter combo currently on). They aren't related by blood but you couldn't tell that from the love and support they give each other. 


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Derek entered the room to see Addison standing up on crutches while struggling to throw all of her clothes into a bag. She turned as she heard him come in and after staring at him for a couple of seconds turned her attention back to her bag before uttering simply, "Hi."

Derek sighed as he closed the door behind him and stepped closer to the bed before answering her one word greeting with two words, "Hey Addison." She stopped to look at him as she waited for him to say something more but the silence reigned and she turned around.

Addison turned back to her bag and zipped it shut before she sat on the edge of the bed, laying the crutches against the dresser and said, "So what's up? Are you here to forbid me to do something else? I'm leaving the hospital even if I have to call a cab to do it, so don't try to forbid me that."

Derek sat down and said, "Forbid you? No I'm here to beg for your forgiveness and understanding. I held you in my arms as your lifeblood was slipping through my fingers and I was helpless to do anything for you. You were so blue, that I thought that you were dead and I was alone. I have never been that scared in my life and I don't want to be that scared ever again. There's something so frightening about realizing that the love of your life is moments away from death that makes you possessive. It makes you possessive and not want to see the person that was in danger, in harms way ever again."

Addison sighed as she sat on the edge of her bed and said, "Derek, I'm not saying that you can't be concerned. I'm not even saying that you can't be angry, I'm angry at Jake too. But who I'm not angry at is Corrine, she's an innocent in all of this and she's now faced with the prospect of raising two children alone while her husband is serving a jail term for shooting me and holding up this hospital. She wants to see him and I think after everything she's been through, it's the least I can do. I'm not going to see him; I'm just going to make sure she sees him."

Derek reached for her hand and said, "So do you forgive the ramblings of a possessive ex-husband?"

Addison nodded and said, "I really don't have a choice, now do I?"

Derek leaned back and said, "You always have a choice Addison. You can call an end to this never-ending circle that Alex and I find ourselves in fighting for you. You can make a choice for me and we can go from there or you can go to Alex and live your life with him."

Addison turned around and smirked, "It's so simple for you isn't it? You got to sow your wild oats out with Meredith and come to the realization that I was the one for you while you were busy obsessing over your intern. Well, I don't have that problem Derek, I didn't create a relationship with Alex based upon picking me up at a bar one night, we had a relationship. A relationship that was based upon mutual caring, respect and eventually love, one that I can't just decide from one moment to the next to throw away simply because it would be easier for you."

Exhausted from her tirade she fell back as she meet Derek's eyes and said, "So that's it then Addison? You don't want to even try?"

Addison felt the frustration threatening to choke her as she said "Did you not get a word that I just said Derek? It's not easy for me; it's not easy for me to turn my back on Alex simply because you ask me too. It's not easy for me to pretend that the love, because it is love that I feel for Alex is something I can just erase. I also, don't want Alex to be under the assumption that I can forget 11 years of memories even though you certainly didn't have a problem doing so."

Derek stood up and said, "So that's it. You still haven't forgiven me for Meredith?"

Addison closed her eyes as the tears leaked out, "Why does everything turn to Meredith for you? Did I mention her? I simply mentioned that while I was in Manhattan trying to pick up the pieces of what my marriage had been you had no problem picking a partner and moving on. When I get here prepared to fight, I find I'm fighting on my own. I gave you the option to walk away but you made me stay, you made me believe that you still wanted me so I fought; I fought for everything I still loved. Even Mark, came here and told me that you didn't love me and to meet him at Jake's so we could go back to Manhattan together but I didn't, I gave you my all and you turned on me and now you expect me to drop everything for you again, _again_ Derek and I'm not as willing as I once was and if that hurts your feelings I'm sorry."

Derek felt the frustration in him swell and said, "You're right Addison. I'm sorry; I just know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry and it seems so inadequate for me to say sorry but that's all I can say because I'm sorry. I made the wrong choice and I will be sorry for that the rest of my life even if I don't end up with you."

Addison started to cry as Derek walked over and pulled her into his arms as the tears fell down her cheeks.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Addison sat in the wheelchair as Callie pushed her out into the hall and closed the door behind her. Callie patted her on the shoulder and said, "Enjoy this while you can sister because I'm not into cabbie services."

Addison sighed and said, "Thanks Callie, I appreciate it. I didn't want to ask Alex or Derek because that would just turn into a fight over who asked first or who do I love more because I let one take me home over the other and I'm just tired."

Callie nodded and said, "It's not easy. Not when you have two men fighting over you like boys fighting over their favorite toy that they don't want to share. I don't envy you, girl but then I think you already knew that?"

Addison shrugged and said, "I'm going home. I'm going to cry in my own bed for two days straight and then I'm going to help Corrine see Jake at the jail and then I'm going to make a decision about what I want from my life from this moment onward."

Callie pushed the button for the elevator as they came to the hallway and Callie stepped in front of her friend and said, "Don't bottle this up inside Addison. You have Miranda, me and Alex all here who can listen to you. You don't have to shoulder those memories by yourself."

Addison squeezed her friend's hand as the elevator doors opened and Meredith Grey stepped out and looked at both of the women.

Callie glared at her as she started pushing her into the elevator. Meredith stared at her without speaking for a moment before saying, "Dr. Montgomery, I'm glad that you are okay."

Addison looked up at the voiced sentiment and smiled softly, "Thank you."

Meredith nodded and then as if unsure if she should say anything else turned on her heel and walked away.

Callie scowled as the elevator's door started to close and she started to mimic Meredith, "I'm glad you're okay." Callie shook her head, "I can't stand that intern. She walks away with her heart on her sleeve like an open band aid and then when people try to help her, she shuts down. I don't get why she is the center of everybody's world."

Addison looked up at her friend as the elevator's door slid open and Callie pushed her rather forcefully out in the hall and said, "George is still mad about Mark?"

Callie nodded as she exhaled softly through her teeth and said, "I don't get men Addison."

Addison chuckled to herself rather sadly and said, "Join the club; I would like a reference guide as well."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Callie watched her friend sitting on the couch with her knees tucked under her chin and her body wrapped in a blanket. She had been home for nearly three hours and still refused to take any pain medication, sleep or talk about whatever was bugging her. Callie was starting to get worried, she was her friend, and she knew she couldn't leave her in this state but she didn't know what she had been through.

She sat on the edge of the couch and said, " Addison? I'm here. If you want to talk, if you want to stare ahead at the wall all day, I'm here."

Addison looked up at her friend with tears brimming in her eyes and said, "Jake lost his first wife to cancer."

Callie nodded as she waited patiently, Addison had never admitted to anyone what had happened between her and Jake Emery in the room before Derek had arrived in the room. She had been asked but refused to speak on the subject instead chose to dodge questions about her ordeal, "To cancer? That's harsh."

Addison reached for a tissue and said, "What is really harsh is that it could've been prevented. The doctors did the mastectomy on the wrong breast and by the time they caught their error it had metastasized to her bones and there was nothing that could be done."

Callie flinched as she listened to Addison speak about the ordeal that Jake Emery had been through with his first wife. She guiltily admitted that she hadn't given much thought or care to the fact that Jake had been in pain, she had only been worried about her friends and he was a secondary thought in her head. "That's horrible Addison. No one should have to see their loved one die and especially not when it was something that could've been prevented."

Addison nodded as she finally started to open up to her friend about her feelings, "He loved her so much. He loved and lost one wife and he was terrified of losing another. I feel bad for him and I don't think I should but I don't know how to stop. The man shot me admittedly, but he was just afraid, afraid and terrified because the faith and trust he put in the medical community let him down before and he didn't want a repeat."

Callie pulled her friend in her arms and said, " Addison, he was scared, he was afraid but it doesn't justify his actions. He could've killed you, not to mention Derek or Miranda. Not that I'm a big fan of McIdiot anyone now, but his life and the life of Miranda was in danger. He was scared but there are other ways of dealing with fear besides taking 3 doctors hostage to perform a surgery at gunpoint. I must admit, I might be more generous if while he was in there he had shot McIdiot instead of you but he screwed up and shot the wrong doctor."

Addison choked on a sob that turned into a laugh as she wiped the tears away from her eyes and said, "Thank you Callie. Thank you for listening to my ramblings and understanding that I just needed someone to listen."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&


	22. Chapter 22

**Rules of the Game Chapter 22**

**Note: I apologize for the length in updating, life and such but since I can't promise it won't happen again, I'll just say I'm sorry and  
****please reply:)**

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Derek was engrossed in a file waiting for Mark, his lunch partner when a shadow came over the table. He waited momentarily for Mark to sit down but when he didn't he looked up and saw the eyes of Alex Karev staring down at him.

Derek put his folder on the table and motioned for Alex to take a seat and said, "I must admit, I'm shocked to see you here. Is something wrong?"

Derek looked down and then back up in fear, "It's not Addison is it?"

Alex grimaced; he didn't want to be talking to this man. He didn't even want to acknowledge his rival's existence if he was to be truthful to himself but he knew that if his plan had to function; he needed to get Derek's help.

Alex looked at him and said, "It is about Addison but not like you're thinking."

Derek sighed as he motioned for Alex to take a chair and after he did said, "Tell me, what you want to discuss with me?"

Alex leaned forward and said, " Addison has been through a lot lately Shepherd. A lot of things happened to her all at once and I think she needs some time, some space and some friendship so I wanted to get your buy-in on a pact I'm thinking about forging between you and me."

Mark cleared his throat as he came upon the pair sitting at the same table, "I'm not in the mood to breakup a fight today so I need you two to play nice."

Alex was tempted to roll his eyes at his current superior, but held himself back as he turned to Derek and said, "Listen, I'll talk to you later. What we need to discuss really should be said in private."

Alex stood up and turned to Mark and said, "Sorry about that, I'll give you back your chair."

Derek looked at Alex and said, "Karev?"

Alex had already started walking away, having rethought his plan and was cursing himself for asking Derek for help when he heard his name being called, "Yea?"

Derek checked his watch and then said, "I have 2 more surgeries and then I'm done for the day. Why don't we meet at the surgery board after work and we'll talk about it."

Alex flinched, he didn't want to admit that he had been hoping that his graceful exit from the table would make it easy for Derek to forget about the whole thing but it was obvious that, was currently becoming a lost cause, "Fine, that will be fine Shepherd."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&  
Callie pressed a cup of water in her friend's hand along with a box of tissues as she wiped away the tears that had fallen down her cheeks during her outburst.

Callie curled up next to Addison and sighed softly as she watched the water fall down her cheeks and said, " Addison, I'm here. Whatever you want, whatever you need, we are friends you know that."

Addison nodded as she bit on her lip and then turned to her and spoke softly, "I thought I was going to die Callie. All I kept thinking about was that I was never going to get to tell Alex or Derek how much they've meant to my life. When that gun was pressed in my back I was so scared because I didn't know how to act, I didn't know who to be. Put me in the middle of a hostage situation and I'm worthless, I tried to get Jake to see reason but he was so focused on Corinne that the only thing he was worried about was her. It was my fault, I got shot."

Callie grimaced as she sipped from her water and said, " Addison, Jake decided to walk into Seattle Grace with a gun that had nothing to do with you."

Addison shrugged and spoke softly, "I know that in my head but my heart is telling me that he was just scared, he was just scared, scared about his wife. Something, I should've understood but I didn't try to."

Callie pulled the bottle out of her hand and turned her towards her so she could look her in the eye and said, " Addison, the man shot you. Whether it was out of a misguided belief that he was protecting his wife and child or what, he put you in danger. You, Derek and Miranda were in danger and that's something that I can't forget and it's something you need to start remembering."

Addison shivered even though she wasn't cold and Callie pulled back and stood up and walked into her room returning moments later with a throw that she promptly draped around her friend's shoulders. "Just rest Addison."

Addison chuckled and shook her head, "Every time I close my eyes I see the gun pressed at Derek's head. He was really brave; he kept Miranda and me together."

Callie rolled her eyes as she patted her friend on the shoulder and spoke low but sarcastically and said, "On that note, I'm going to make dinner."

Addison looked up at the tone in her friend's voice and spoke softly, "What?"

Callie turned around and then fidgeted momentarily before sitting down next to her and said, "Derek was there and I'm happy he was able to save the day but what about Alex?"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Dr. Karev? You requested to see me?"

Alex looked up at the sound of his voice being called and flinched. It was Derek Shepherd, and he knew that he owed him a conversation but right now, his head wasn't into it.

"Can I come find you later?"

Derek shook his head as he checked his watch, "I just finished my last surgery today and I'm planning on checking on Addison and then head home."

Alex sighed and said, "Let her rest Shepherd. These last couple of weeks has been stressful on all of us and yea, you were there and I wasn't but right now she needs peace."

Derek crossed his arms in front of him and said, "I wasn't planning on stressing her out, I was trying to see how she's doing it. She went through a lot and I think she's still carrying it."

Alex nodded and said, "Yea, I know. Me too, I didn't want to push her because I know emotionally she's still fragile but she hasn't dealt with what happened."

Derek leaned against the desk and said, "Callie is over there now, I heard Miranda tell Richard that she was heading over there."

Alex sighed in relief, "That's good, if anyone can get her to confront her feelings, its Bailey."

Derek nodded and said, "In the meantime, I'll go home and just wait for her to call me."

Alex turned back to the desk as he sighed and said, "I'll see you tomorrow Dr. Shepherd."

Derek cleared his throat as Alex turned back around and said, "Yea?"

Derek exhaled and said, "You love her and I respect you for that. I needed you to know that, when I first started this 'Win Back Addison' it was with the mentality that she didn't love you, she was just using you. But, I've seen you with her, I've seen how her face lights up when you're around and nothing is going to change that fact, you won a place in her heart and it's a place I would give all the money in the world to be right now."

Alex shrugged and spoke softly, "I love her Shepherd it's as simple as that. The only problem is, that she still loves you too so even with all the looks and the love there she's still tied to you and it infuriates me and comforts me at the same time."

Derek was about to walk away when he heard the last part of his statement and turned to him in question, "You are comforted by the fact that she still loves me?"

Alex flinched as he heard his own words come back at him but nodded when he realized that they were the truth, "If she still has the ability to love you, even after everything you put her through, it means she loves with her whole heart. That if I do win her, she will be by my side even when it appears like I'm acting like an ass she will still love me."

Derek cringed as he realized what he had thrown away and possibly allowed another man a chance to take as he nodded and left for his trailer, alone.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"What do you mean? What about Alex?"

Callie sighed as she took the cup from her friend and turned her facing her and said, " Addison, lets face the facts. You have two men who want you, one is McIdiot and the other is a cocky, intern named Karev. One has broken you more the once and the other one has loved you unconditionally. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that Derek was by your side during that ordeal, I'm even happy that he's decided that losing you was something he shouldn't have done but why does he have to win? Why does he have to win your heart after everything he put you through? You gave him your all Addison, you moved your life here for him and he treated your sacrifice like dirt. Why do you still love him?"

_"What did I tell you when I called you from the hospital?" _

Addison cringed as she saw Callie flinch back and look behind her to see Miranda entering the apartment with Tucker on her hip and grocery bags in her hand.

Callie stood up and quickly ran over and helped Miranda with the groceries while Addison reached for Miranda's son who smiled as he was transferred to her arms. Miranda glared at Callie and said, "What did I tell you Calliope?"

Addison swung her head in shock to Callie and mouthed her name again as if she didn't believe that couldn't possibly be her name. Callie shrugged and said, "I'm sorry Miranda, I know I promised that we would leave the subject of Alex and Derek alone but she brought it up."

Callie pointed the finger accusingly at Addison and Addison opened her mouth in shock as she looked at her two friends and said, "His name sorta came up in the conversation but don't worry, I'm off the subject I promise."

Miranda reached for her son and said, "You don't have to get off the subject but you do have to wait until after we've eaten dinner, dessert and have put my son to bed. Because prepare yourself, this weekend we are going to decide your love life so by Monday morning you have a choice."

* * *


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N:** So while there's no justification that counts, I'll just say that since Addison left Grey's I stopped  
watching hence the lack of motivation to type...However, I may have kicked another gear and will finish  
this story next chapter, so please read the end and cast your vote so I can write the epilogue accordingly.

* * *

**Chapter 23**

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Mark entered his friend's trailer with a look of disgust fixed firmly on his face, "You got the Addison Forbes Montgomery Shepherd to live in this hellhole with you? That's love man, this place is horrible."

Derek glared up at his friend and said, "You don't have to stay here."

Mark rolled his eyes as he plopped down and threw a can of beer his way and said, "I ordered pizza, but I didn't know what address to give them. I mean how does one deliver to a trailer?"

Derek snorted as he flipped his finger off and said, "I didn't know you were that much of a snob. Anyway, Addison and I were just fine here, she did complain about Doc eating her shoes and the fact that the trailer was too small but it worked, well I'll be honest she made it work."

Mark opened his can of beer and swallowed a sip as he spoke, "Addison made a lot work between the two of you when you were together, all your family functions that you weren't bothered with, all your friends who wanted your company she made a lot work single-handedly and it got to be too much for her."

Derek looked down as he sighed sadly and leaned back in his recliner and said, "Don't you think I realized that the only person who had been fighting for our marriage was Addison? I didn't even realize that I had grown complacent, that I had allowed the comfort of having someone take over run through me. It didn't hit me until she was gone and I was stuck with the mess I had created and I needed her to come in and help put me back together but she was gone."

Mark opened his mouth to speak but then shook his head and said, "So are you going to call her? Go over there or just wait?"

Derek closed his eyes as he pondered the answer to his friend's question, "I could go over to her house and watch her waffle between the two of us all the while hating myself for putting her in that position but knowing that if I just give up and walk away, I'm walking away from my happiness and my heart. I also know that she needs time, she just went through hell, something that I have to be respectful of and I can't push."

Mark leaned forward and said, "You can't push, you can't call her, so what can you do?"

Derek opened his eyes as he leaned forward as a smile creased his lips.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Addison had been uncharacteristically quiet during the dinner and Miranda was starting to worry. She shot a look over at Callie who shrugged her shoulders and focused on the meal in front of her while Addison swirled her spoon through her food.

Miranda sighed in exhaustion, "Okay, what is it? We've been sitting here during this dinner and you haven't said one word. What is your problem Montgomery?"

Addison looked up and flinched at the look of concern being masked over by ire and said, "I just want to know how it's possible that I'm going to have a decision about my love life by Monday. I can't even decide if I want to help the woman whose husband shot me and you say you are going to set me right and I just don't know how."

Miranda nodded and said, "You really are worried about this aren't you?"

Addison felt the tears brim in her eyes, "I don't want to be, but I'm going to hurt someone. No matter whom I choose, I will end up hurting someone and I don't want to hurt anyone."

Callie scowled as she listened to the end of her statement and then rolled her eyes when Miranda cut her eyes at her, "What did I tell you Calliope?"

Callie flinched at the sound of her full name and buried her face in her plate even while Addison was trying to catch her eye, "Callie, you keep scowling, you keep growling you have something to say just say it!"

Callie threw down her fork as she turned in her chair to face her best friends as she finally let go of all of the words she had trapped inside of her, "Okay fine I will. I watched McAss run around the hospital after that Slut Meredith while you waited for any crumbs of affection he chose to throw your way and now because he was with you in the room while you were shot you have to turn back on all of the bad things he did? Alex has always been there for you and it's not right that he has to worry if he will win you back."

Callie felt exhausted after her outburst and then sat back chided in her chair and looked at Miranda who was groaning at her as Addison's eyes welled with tears. Miranda handed her a tissue and then said, "Get it out, you need a good cry."

Addison reached for the box as she eased away from the table and padded back into the living room and fell onto her couch and looked at her friends, "She's right Miranda. Alex doesn't deserve this, he doesn't deserve half of me, and especially not when he's giving me his all."

Callie walked out of the chair and joined her friend on the couch as Miranda took the chair across from them, "Listen Addison, I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. I just need to understand what is going on. Derek Shepherd treated you like you didn't exist and no matter how many times I try to wrap my brain around it, I still can't see forgiveness on the horizon for him. He hurt you, he broke you, I still remember seeing you sob your heart out. You have to remember that."

Miranda leaned forward, "Callie, I understand that you are feeling for Alex in all of this and I appreciate it because I feel for Alex too but I also can't discount the fact that a marriage occurred between these two and whether Derek or Addison were true to the marriage isn't at stake here. For almost two decades Addison and Derek were each other's everything and they got lost somewhere along the way and right or wrong they waited too long to get it back before they both made serious mistakes."

Addison reached for another tissue as Miranda echoed the sentiment of her heart about Derek aloud, "I still love the ass you know. He treated me like crap Callie and I won't forget that but there was a decade where I was his best-friend, his lover, his confidant and that was such an exhilarating feeling that the first ten years flew by without me even realizing it. I was part of a family, I had another half to this crazy mess that I am and when he pulled away…."

Callie cleared her throat, "When he pulled away you spiraled out of control and into Manwhore's arms."

Miranda threw the pillow at her and said, "Defining Manwhore in Addison's life is another weekend. Right now we need to focus on where her heart is now, with Derek or with Alex."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Alex stared at the phone in front of him and then up at Izzie with a question in his eyes, "Are you sure about this? I mean she's probably asleep or she's watching a movie…."

Izzie picked up the cordless phone and shoved it back at him and said, "Or you could stop being a wimp and call her and find out how she is. Listen, she maybe with her girlfriends but that doesn't mean the man she loves can't give her a call."

Alex looked down and said, "I just told Derek today that she needed free space, she needed time to think, and what am I about to do? I'm going to call and…."

Izzie snatched the phone out of his hand and reached for the number, "You aren't going to propose marriage Karev, you are just asking how she is. That is normal of a boyfriend, hell that's normal of a human being."

Alex snatched the phone back from her and said, "Okay fine, I'll call."

He bit his lip as he listened to the sound of the phone ringing, he held his phone over the receiver and said, "It's a good sign that its ringing right?"

Izzie rolled her eyes as Alex turned back to the phone when he heard Miranda's loud shout of laughter answer, "Hello?"

Alex felt his voice squeak as he asked permission to speak to Addison, he always felt like he was asking a schoolteacher permission when his boss answered his girlfriend's phone, " Addison?"

Addison's sultry tones filtered over the line, "Hello?"

Alex smiled as he heard the light note in her voice, "Hey, I just wanted to check on you."

Addison's voice got muffled for a moment before she appeared back on the line moments later crystal clear, "Alex? I was just thinking about you, your ears must be burning."

Alex leaned back against the couch and said, "Not exactly, how are you doing at home? Do you still have nightmares?"

Addison inhaled a sharp breath, "How did you know I had nightmares?"

Alex closed his eyes, "What you went through, who wouldn't have nightmares? I was only clued in when I visited your room one time on my break and I noticed that there was an alarm clock under your pillow. What are you dreaming about?"

Addison's voice hesitated for a moment before she spoke, "I keep seeing the gun in my head, it won't go away, and I don't know how to make it stop Alex."

Alex sighed and said, "It won't disappear anytime soon Addison. You have to give it time; you have to give your brain time to process everything it went through. Don't try to analyze it all now that is your problem. You need to rationalize everything and what happened to you wasn't rational."

He heard static on the line and for a moment he thought they had gotten disconnected but then Callie's voice came over the phone as she said, "Alex? Listen Addison had to run to the bathroom, she'll call you back."

Alex knew he had pushed her too far and said, "She's crying Callie; make sure someone makes her talk it out."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Miranda knocked on the bedroom door and leaned her head against the door as she heard the quiet sounds of her friend crying and said, "Addison Montgomery you are too damn old to be playing these games, open this door."

The door creaked open slightly as Addison peeked her head out with puffy, red eyes as she said, "Why are you yelling at me?"

Miranda scowled as she reached for her friend's hand and pulled her out of the bedroom and back into the living room as Callie sighed in relief as they all settled back into their spots and Miranda asked, "So what was that about? You were on the phone with Alex and then suddenly you burst into tears."

Addison reached for the box of tissues as she revealed, "He knows me damn it. This isn't easy; this isn't something I can decide over a weekend. He was telling me that he knows that I'm still having nightmares, he knows me he almost knows me as well as Derek did and it scares me. If this were a perfect world Derek and I never would've divorced or if we did and he came back asking for a second chance I wouldn't have a problem giving him one because I was only using Alex for sex but that's not the case. I wasn't using Alex for sex, I was using, no I wanted him. I still do and he wants me too, this should be simple but it turns out to be more complicated every time I turn around."

Miranda leaned forward and said, "And Derek? Derek is an ass, I'll take a page from Callie's book, yes he's an ass, but you can't deny that he loves you. You can't deny that you still love him, that the same pull that existed after a decade in your marriage is still there. He knows you too, very well, if not better than Alex. He knows you well enough to know what makes you happy."

Callie reached for the tissues as she blew her nose and said, "And what makes you cry! Let's not forget that up until a couple of months ago, she didn't even exist for this man. It wasn't until he saw her 'moving' on that he decided that she was the one she had wanted all along."

Addison looked back and forth between her two friends who were bickering about her love life and felt of bubble of hysteria rise to her lips as she uttered, "Oh my god, I'm Meredith Grey."

Miranda stopped short as Callie screwed up her face and hit her with the pillow, "Don't ever say that again. You are nothing like McEasy. Her only problem is deciding whose bed she wants to roll into in the evening, you are torn about your emotions and that's the difference."

Miranda bit her lip, not wanting to shed her own personal thoughts about her troubled intern so she sat back as she watched Callie tear into Meredith and help alleviate the guilt that Addison was feeling.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Cucumber."  
"Cucumber."  
"Wrinkle Lotion."  
"Wrinkle Lotion"

With the practiced hand of two surgeons, Callie and Miranda layered on a mask onto their friend's face as they prepared to delve into the tub of chocolate chip cookie dough, and vanilla ice-cream that was littered haphazardly over Addison's kitchen table.

The knock on the door startled Callie who was in the moment of applying the last layer to her side of the face as she jumped back and eyed Miranda who signaled towards the door, Callie taking the cue got up and walked over and opened the door.

Miranda asked a question over her shoulder when she noticed Callie's lengthy silence and Addison started fidgeting to see her guest, "Addison, it's for you….A gift from your ex-husband."

Miranda stopped what she was doing and scowled as she pulled away and focused attention to the front door where 3 doorman were trying to juggle three full gift-wrapped baskets. Addison ran towards the front door in anticipation much to the fear of the doorman who wasn't used to seeing the elegant doctor in anything less than perfection with her red hair wrapped up in a ponytail, and her faced smeared with some type of mint-green face cream and a cucumber sliding slowly down her right cheek.

Callie watched as her friend's eyes welled with tears as she noticed the contents of all of the gift baskets and she scrambled for her purse to give the doorman a tip. The doorman scurried away after leaving their packages and Miranda looking at Callie in confusion, "What did I miss?" She uttered the question as the gift basket was left on the floor and their friend disappeared behind her bedroom door.

Miranda shrugged and said, "I don't know I guess we'll just have to wait and see what is going on."

Within seconds of her statement the phone rang and Miranda reached for it and growled as she heard the voice on the other end of the line, "I should've known it was your sorry ass. What did I tell you about bothering my friend? Yes, I know you want her to know you love her, let her be will you?"

Hanging up the phone Callie rolled her eyes, "Shepherd?"

Miranda nodded as they both looked to the bedroom door. Addison had wiped off her mask and was know stronger than she ever had been. She had markers and said, "We are going to solve this issue right now ladies. I can't continue to live in this insanity. I will make a decision before the end of this weekend and you are going to help."

As Addison handed out markers, pens and other instruments both Miranda and Callie grinned with admiration for her friend who looked like she was finally about to take charge of her life.

* * *

So it seems like we are finally at a decision making process, so with the other objects you throw at me for waiting so long to update, also  
throw me the epilogue of your choosing...I will probably write all 3 but post the one with the most votes or post all 3 it depends on what  
my readers want...so let me know! 

**Possible Epilogue 1 – Addison leaves Seattle Grace and both of her men  
****Possible Epilogue 2 – Addison stays with Derek  
****Possible Epilogue 3 – Addison stays with Alex **


	24. Chapter 24

So I sat down and decided to write the finale of this story, so here you go. Pick your  
poison and let me know what you think:

**Epilogue 1 – Addison leaves Seattle Grace and both of her men (Chapter 25)**

**Epilogue 2 – Addison stays with Derek (Chapter 26)**

**Epilogue 3 – Addison stays with Alex (Chapter 27)**

I apologize for the wait in posting these but I wanted to make sure I got it right.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25 **

Epilogue 1 – Addison leaves Seattle Grace and both of her men

**

* * *

**

**A/N: **Believe it or not, this was actually the hardest epilogue to write because for all of Addison's flaws I truly believe she deserves to be happy so to write one where she didn't end up with any men kinda upset me until I thought that maybe her destiny could be better felt somewhere else.

**Epilogue 1 – Addison leaves Seattle Grace and both of her men**

"You want me to come to California, Naomi?"

The broken sob on the other side of the phone was convincing in its intensity as she listened to her friend continue to speak, "Sam and I are divorced. Coming into work every day is painful; I don't know how much longer I can continue this way. I need you here with me and besides you could use a change."

Addison couldn't deny that a breath of fresh air would do her good but she didn't know if she was prepared to uproot her whole life in Seattle Grace.

"I hear your mind thinking, Montgomery. Don't tell me Seattle Grace is all that great and especially if you have to share the halls with Manwhore and that ass of an ex-husband of yours."

Addison flinched at the hatred she could hear in her friend's voice at the mention of two of the three men in her life and couldn't deny feel a little smile play on her lips as she realized that the anger in her friend's tone was on her behalf, "Derek has been courting me for another second chance while I'm in a relationship with Alex who has been extremely supportive and loving."

Naomi faked a yawn as she said, "Will you drop your Young & Restless daily lifestyle and help out your best friend in need? Leave all of those concerns behind and support me please."

Addison sighed and said, "I'll think about it."

Hanging up, she stared at the cradle in her hand and wondered what she was thinking uprooting her life and starting a new one in another state.

**Two Weeks Later**

Two weeks later and a lot of tears, temper tantrums, and indecision she had decided that this was the route she was going to take. She was caught between her past and her future and while her heart was being pulled in both directions, her friend Naomi was correct. Sometimes a fresh break was the best way; she would create a new life in this town and make it her focus. Then she could begin to forget all of the pain and hurt of her past.

It had not been an easy decision for both Alex and Derek to accept but after she stated that it was the best, they had finally allowed her space to decide if her future could or would include them one day.

As she stepped on the plane to a new life, in the back of her mind she knew she was making the right decision. She didn't know how the game was to be played but she would create the rules for herself in California.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

Epilogue 2 – Addison stays with Derek

**

* * *

**

**A/N: **Since Addek was my first love, this was probably the easiest one to write and definitely the most flawed. They are so perfectly imperfect together that it just seems wrong that they didn't end up together on the show. So here's the Addek epilogue of your choice.

**Epilogue 2 – Addison stays with Derek**

When the decision hit her, it stunned her like a ton of bricks with its intensity. She wasn't used to being at the center of a fight between two men for her affection so when she realized that what she wanted was herself it took the wind out of her sails.

She eased into the seat as she sat across from the man at the jail and inhaled a sharp breath as the same man who had held her and Derek hostage sat down in front of her, perhaps it was a foolish promise to fulfill but when she had been contacted desperately by his wife for the chance to apologize she couldn't deny the request.

"Dr. Montgomery, how's my wife?"

The smile came to her lips easily as she told off the facts regarding the surgery and the success but stopped as the tears welled up in the man's eyes and nodded as she realized her mistake, he would never be around to hold his daughters or comfort them when they cried.

"I'm sorry." Even as she heard the apology fall from her own lips she was still shocked she had voiced an apology to the man that had torn her world apart in a matter of moments.

Jake Emery was a man who had come from humble means so when the gorgeous doctor in front of him uttered an apology he was momentarily left speechless. He had tried to kill her and nearly killed her husband but without letup she had forgiven him and enough to come to see him at the jail, "Dr. Montgomery, I'm not a man of many words. I treated you horribly and yet you still came to see me. I'm sure your husband won't be so kind."

Addison felt a smile rise to her lips at the mention of Derek; he would probably have a fit if he knew that she was actually here, "Ex-Husband. Derek and I are divorced; he just recently came back into my life."

Jake shook his head, "I was in that room with two of you. You and Dr. Shepherd may be divorced on paper but not in your hearts where it really counts. I saw him Dr. Montgomery; he was focused on you and only you."

Addison felt the tears well up in her eyes, "Why I'm discussing this with you I don't know but Derek, and I didn't work out. We don't do well together, we only hurt each other, and I'm scared that even though he has been by my side lately he is only waiting to leave me again."

Jake sighed as he noticed the fear resident in her eyes and her tone, "Don't let fear keep you from being happy Dr. Montgomery. Look at me; I was terrified that I would lose my wife Corrine so I didn't even give myself a chance to be happy that I was being given another chance at life and love. Now, I'm stuck in a juail cell for attempted murder. You don't get many chances to right the wrongs in your past, you have a chance now don't lose it."

Addison exhaled as she rose and said, "Is that all you wanted Mr. Emery?"

Jake noticed the tone had come back in her voice as he rose to and said, "I'm sorry if I offended you. Thank you for allowing me the chance to see Corrine and my girls, it meant the world to me. I'll gladly accept any punishment the judge chooses to give me."

Addison nodded and said, "I've asked the judge for leniency, I know why you did what you did and even though it doesn't excuse anything there were extenuating circumstances behind your actions."

Clutching her purse to her shoulder, Addison walked out of the jail and into the sun and leaned against the brick wall as the tears fell freely down her face.

_Right the Wrongs in your Past?_

Was Mr. Emery right? Was she fighting a losing battle?

Checking her watch she reached for her cell phone and called the hospital, after confirming that Derek didn't have any surgeries scheduled for the rest of the day she got in her car and drove towards her destiny.

At the Hospital

Derek looked up as the door to the doctor's lounge opened up and Addison entered with a smile dancing on her lips. Placing his book down he smiled back hesitantly and said, "So can I ask what is the cause of your smile?"

Addison shrugged as she crossed the distance in front of him, "I had a productive day. I decided my future at the jail."

Derek stopped in front of her and crossed his arms in confusion, "You decided your future at the jail?"

Addison motioned to the chair and sat down, after he sat down close to her she leaned forward, "I love you but I'm terrified that if we try again we will screw this up again."

Derek reached for her hand and said, "Addison, you don't think I'm frightened? I'm the one who is asking for me than I deserve and if I screw this up, I'm done. I'm out of options; I know that if I lose you I'll have lost my one chance at happiness."

Addison leaned forward and rested her forehead on his chest and said, "I chose you. I just spoke with Alex, he's hurt, but he'll get over me." Looking up she cradled his chin in her hands and leaned forward and pressed her lips to his and felt Derek's arms wrap around her waist as he pulled her out of the chair and into the chair as their kissing became more intense.

They were so lost in each other they didn't hear the door to the lounge open again but when someone cleared their throat, they broke apart guiltily booth with huge grins on their faces.

Mark scowled and closed the door behind him but not before uttering, "Get a Room!"

Derek held his world in his arms as he promised himself and Addison, that they would not only get a room, but also an house with plenty of rooms in it enough for children, a backyard so their new dog could play with the children. He made all of those promises and kept his word on everyone one of them.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

Epilogue 3 – Addison stays with Alex

**

* * *

**

A/N: I'm the type of writer that usually comes into a show, picks a 'ship' and sticks with the ship until the bitter end of the show. However, with Grey's I was first drawn into Addek, then disgusted by Derek and drawn into Addex. I think it all fell on Kate Walsh's shoulders who mastered the art of flawed yet unloved Addison Montgomery. So this epilogue wasn't so hard to write because they grew on me due to the fact they actually had a real chance.

**Epilogue 3 – Addison and Alex**

When he opened the door he instinctively knew what the next words out of her mouth would be, "It was over," a part of him hoped that he was hallucinating and that this wasn't happening but as she asked to come in he knew that wasn't the case. Alex looked at the woman in front of him with a mixture of emotions, love flowing over him more than anything but fear was coming up a quick second as he decided to allow his future be decided on this conversation.

"Addison, I know why you're here and I'll make it easy on you. I get it, he's your past and there are parts of your past that you can't let go of and I was crazy to expect you to I just thought…." As Alex stumbled for words Addison walked up to him and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips and asked for forgiveness, "You know that this was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make? I'm just sorry it took so long, I'm not usually this indecisive when it comes to matters of the heart."

Closing the door behind her Alex turned to the gorgeous woman in front of him who was showing him all of her vulnerabilities in hopes that it would help him understand the decision she had made that was going to tear apart his life, He tried to start again "Addison, I know what you're going to say…" As his voice trailed off he noticed Addison ringing her hands together as she did when she was nervous and didn't know where to begin.

She finally exhaled and set on the edge of his couch, "I decided for you."

Alex stopped, shocked in the middle of the room, the words trapped in his throat as he looked at the woman in front of him and couldn't assimilate what was being said, his voice was shaky as he spoke, "Can you repeat that please?" The grief at the idea of losing her was causing him to hallucinate he actually imagined that she wanted him, that she chose Alex Karev, screw-up over Derek Shepard, golden neurosurgeon and latest hero of Seattle Grace.

Addison looked down at her ringless fingers, "Since the moment I met you, I've started to live again. After loving and losing Derek Shepard I wondered if I would ever recover but then I met you and nothing else seem to matter. Everything became central to what I felt, what I wanted, what I needed because you made me your priority. I've never had that completely devotion and I must admit it scares me sometimes….it scares me because I don't ever want to lose that and I don't want to lose you so I guess what I'm bumbling badly to say is that Derek Shepard is a part of my past… A part that I can't forget but when your love came at the moment that I least expected it, I didn't handle it correctly and I want to apologize for that. I should've given you your place, instead of putting you on a yo-yo."

Alex was usually a man that kept a firm grip on his emotions, he wasn't the type of man that gave into the sentimentality that he noticed George have, he had always patterned himself after the Mark Sloan types of the world but meeting this woman, this wonderful woman had turned all of that inside out. He wanted to be sentimental for her; he wanted to be vulnerable with her. Crossing the room he lifted her in his arms and kissed her breathless, "I don't want your apologies; I only want your love."

Addison leaned back as she felt the tears well in her eyes, "I'm not perfect. Hell I'm Satan to some still but as imperfect as I am, I love you that is my truth. I can promise you that it won't be easy we both have strong personalities but you get me in a way that I haven't been privileged to experience in awhile."

Nodding Alex pulled her in his arms and exhaled quickly not believing that this miracle was actually happening that the woman he loved was actually in his arms and vowing love and devotion to him for the rest of her life.

"And Derek?"

The breath that exhaled from Addison worried him for a moment but she spoke quickly, "I treated you horribly in respect to Derek but I needed to understand why we didn't work out. I moved cross-country for this man that shut me out of his life and suddenly I was back in and I didn't know how to handle it. I should've sent him to hell based upon his past actions alone and I don't know if you'll ever understand or hell even if I will but when someone's that a big part of your past and you get past the forgiving, then comes the reconciliation. Not the reconciliation that you are thinking about but the reconciling in your mind and heart who they were to you, what they signified and where it left all of those emotions that were tied into all of those feelings. I will always love Derek Shepard for the years we shared together but not in that way anymore. I don't have it in me anymore."

Alex leaned forward and cradled her chin in his hand, "He was your husband for more than a decade Addison. Don't get me wrong I'm almost delirious with happiness that you are here and that you want me. I still think this is a dream that I'm going to wake up from and realize that you are with Derek and I'm alone but I need you to be sure. I don't think I could handle if two months down the line you come to me saying you made a mistake, I need this decision to be permanent and that means no going back on this….Tell me that Derek is no longer an issue for us."

Addison felt the tears well in her eyes as she leaned forward, realizing what Alex needed and what he deserved to hear, "Derek was my husband for more than 10 years and we made some mistakes, some whoppers but when the time came to piece back our lives we were both at different places in our lives. I wanted to reconcile with my husband when I moved to Seattle, I put my life on hold for this man but he was too busy pining after Meredith Grey, don't get me wrong this isn't revenge I'm just at a different point in my life where I don't want the same things as I did when I first came to Seattle."

Alex wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into his arms sighing rested his chin on her shoulders and said, "I love you."

Addison pulled back and with a gentle smile repeated the same words, "I love you too. I know that now there isn't a conflict in my heart Alex. You are there, you are only there I just needed sometime to put Derek in the past where he belongs. You are my future, and from this moment on I want to create our world, where only you and I exist and anybody else doesn't matter. From this moment, you are it for me."

Reaching for her hand he led her upstairs to start planning their future together.


End file.
